121 things that really make your child's summer happier.

Remember school? Homework, permission slips, dioramas, making lunches, finding shoes, notes about overdue library books, schedules, bus stops, bedtimes, tests, spelling words, forgotten band instruments, essays? I'm starting to sweat as I remember my life last week. Obviously, I'm happy that it's over for a bit, but I always forget that we were used to that schedule. Our brains and bodies knew how to do it, and now it's gone and we have to remind ourselves how to live in summer. All this free time puts me in a bit of a panic, so I'm reviewing the elements of summer mental health. Of course we want to relax and have some adventures, but the advantages of opposition can never be underestimated.

Here are the parenting truths that must be considered when planning June and July: 1.Relaxation is enjoyed most when preceded by hard work. 2. Confidence comes from doing hard things. 3. Boredom fosters creativity...wait for it. 5. You have valuable lessons to teach your children. 6. Variety is important, so is routine. 7. Use both negative consequences and rewards in your summer program. They're both part of life. (I give the kids a treat if they read a Newberry award book. Video game time can be increased with more reading time. There are no privileges until the list is completed.) 8.Whoever has the plan, has the power.

My best summers start with a fun Memorial Day activity followed by a whip-cracking, list making, set the standard, hard-working Tuesday. There should be lots of complaining from the children because that means your family's normal. Mom and Dad get to decide what jobs need to be done, what school skills maintained and what life lessons will be taught. Children also should have input on ways they would like to help and what goals they have for themselves. Every family gets to choose what they want on their list, but here are ideas from the Stoker house to get your wheels turning.

Life skills:                        
1. Learn 3 new hairstyles for school from Youtube.
2. Check the oil in the car.
3. Try a new recipe-main dish, salad, dessert, vegetable.
4. Have a theme day with food, costumes and activities: Star Wars, Harry                                                 Potter, Lord of the Rings, Pirates of the Carribean, Foreign Country,region...
5. Learn a new trick on the trampoline
6. Practice an instrument every day
7. Keyboarding every day. (Type the constitution, or favorite speech a little at a time.)
8. Sew a pillow case
9. Shop for groceries and compare prices. Have the child self check-out the purchases with parent help.
10. Shop at goodwill
11. Make jam
12. Can fruit
13. Dehydrate fruit
14. Listen to Dave Ramsey or Suze Orman and make a financial plan
15. Improve your running time
16. Do 8 minute abs every day
17. Learn to carve, (can carve with soap) draw, paint,
18. Learn origami
19. Learn the Rubiks cube
20. Paint a room or a door
21. Design landscaping for a small area. Plant and maintain.
22. Learn to waltz or swing dance (Youtube)
23. Have an etiquette dinner.
24. Try on clothes. Identify the assets and ditch the liabilities (too small, too worn, never cute, etc.)
25. Shine shoes.
26. Practice telephone skills.
27. Prepare resume and interview for a job (Can be with Mom or Dad)
28. Do push-ups and pull-ups.
29. Learn to write a check and why it's like money.
30. Learn about insurance.
31. Keep a food diary for a week. Add up calories. Identify food groups and nutritional value.

Strengthen family:              
1. Heart attack family members door with compliments and notes of                                                          encouragement.
2. Write letters to grandparents, etc.
3. Surprise family member with service.
4. Share highs and lows at the dinner and lunch table
5. Big brother/Big Sister jobs-have older siblings teach younger. They can help with the academic items on their younger sibling's list They can teach a sibling how to ride a bike, make cookies, work a Rubiks cube, or whatever skill they have to share.
6. Type personal history.
7. Interview grandparents and type up the information and share with family.
8. Make up a family history game with fun facts about ancestors.
9. Make a spotlight poster about sibling. Share at dinner and display.
          
Outside jobs for younger children:
1. Water plants in pots
2. Sweep porch
3. Wash car mirrors
4. Gather trash from car and bring in toys, water bottles, etc.
5. Pull weeds in designated area
6. Wash mailbox
7. Pick up pokey balls from under the tree (or whatever else has dropped)
8. Wash bikes, trikes
9. Wash outside doors
10. Pick up litter

Inside jobs for younger children:
1. Shake rugs
2. Fold wash cloths
3. Dust piano bench and end tables
4. Wash outside of refrigerator, stove, dishwasher
5. Gather rugs to be washed, shake kitchen rugs
6. Sharpen pencils
7. Sort legos into colors
8. Gather pencils, pens, crayons that have found their way into random places.
9. Put away knives and forks
10. Shut all closet doors and cupboards in the house
11. Turn off lights in empty rooms
12. Pick up dead bugs with a spoon and put in paper cup to throw away. (Unless they have a tendency to eat unknown items.)
 13. Set table for lunch

Spiritual well-being for younger children:
1. Say Prayers
2. Repeat a short scripture or uplifting quote until it is memorized
3. Draw a picture for a missionary
4. Listen to a Bible story and act it out for family night

Academic younger      
1. Write alphabet
2. Draw pictures that start with letter of the day
3. Write 5 words that rhyme with at, it, etc.
4.  Make a yellow picture out of yellow items, next day red, etc.
5. Count the stairs/lights/chairs/ etc. in the house.
6. Make a "solve a problem" page by gluing beans under the number of a problem or just a number depending on age.
7. Play "What shape am I thinking of?" Child draws the shape that he thinks the                                      leader is thinking of.

Outside jobs older:      
1. Mow lawn
2. Trim bushes
3. Wash car/vacuum car
4. Spread mulch
5. Weed garden
6. Wash patio furniture etc. with bleach/water solution
7. Pump up flat balls
8. Sweep cobwebs in garage
9. Spray siding/windows
10. Organize garage one section at a time-camping stuff, sports equipment, lawn and garden etc.
11. Fill up water balloons for afternoon fun.
12. Check air in bike tires
13. Sweep and spray off walkway.
14. Wash out garbage bins after garbage day.

Inside jobs for older children:            
1. Sweep/mop floor
2. Vacuum house including stairs
3. Wash railing on stairs and walls going down the stairs.
4. Clean out refrigerator
5. Organize freezer (Wear winter gloves)
6. Check expiration date on canned food items
7. Organize food pantry
8. Organize books: fiction-alphabetically by author non-fiction by topic
9. Gather Newberry award winning books and put in chronological order
10. Delete duplicate pictures on computer and organize into folders
11. Research the best clothes folding techniques on Youtube. Train the family and everyone fold clothes in the new and improved way.
12. Clean and vacuum under beds
13. Sort old toys and donate to a shelter or have a neighborhood toy sale.
14. Organize kitchen cupboards
15. Organize board games (find pieces) and get rid of  incomplete games.
16. Wash trim throughout the house.
17. Clean the blinds.
18. Scrub bathtub/shower and toilet.
19. Organize digital pictures and files

Academic jobs for older children:
1. Mad minute in addition, subtraction, multiplication, division.
2. Read-minimum amount per day. Everyone has to have a book.
3. Write in cursive every day. Read notes from mom in cursive.
4. Memorize doctrinal mastery scriptures or poem or preamble.
5. Take practice ACT tests.
6. Make power points.
7. Take personality tests or career interest tests. (They are free online.)

Spiritual well-being for older children:
1. Pray
2. Read scriptures every day. (Old testament is the course of study in seminary this year.)
3. Write in journal. Share feelings and belief in God
4. Listen to uplifting music and talks
5. Plan a lesson for the family night. Topics may include honesty, obedience, forgiveness, love, generosity,..
6. Fill out booklet on Family Search.
7. Make bios on ancestors.
8. Index
                                      

Service:                                
1. Make and share treats with neighbors.
2. Volunteer at community food shelters
3. Help provide lunch for people at a Ronald McDonald House
4. Babysit for moms going to the doctor
5. Help at the schools
6.Take advantage of  opportunities in your church and other reputable organizations
7. Pick up litter at favorite park.

Fun: Once your children have finished working on their lists, and it's time to play, they'll be much better at it, and if they aren't they can do a little more work. I usually have a day off on Thursday for outings, yard sales, swimming, whatever. And of course sometimes we ditch the routine and take a road trip, but we are all happier doing nothing after we've done something.

                     

What kind of person walks across the interstate overpass?

You know that moment when you've been driving for hours across America on I-80? You've been fighting sleep with a continual intake of pretzels, wheat thins, carrots and Oreos.  You've listened to Harry Potter on tape, sung to you favorite Taylor Swift songs, tried to revitalize with arm circles and core isometrics. You wonder how it is that you haven't driven around the world 3 times in this much time and how can the midwest be so endless with it's flatness and corn rowness and tree and mountainlessness and just when you think you'll surely die from monotony Omaha comes into view.  You thank heaven for the variety in your horizon, feel surprisingly entertained by the option of 4 driving lanes and then curiously view people walking across the highway on the overpass.  The mind reels with the wonder that can now fully be appreciated in contrast to the previous semi-comatose state of the travel-numbed brain.  What kind of person walks across the interstate overpass? Do they have a home? Are they escaping from the penitentiary? Do they have to walk 3 hours to work every day because they have no car and if they apply for a driver's license they'll be discovered as the international spy they were in their previous life? Did they run away from their drug lord family in South America because they wanted to come clean and support themselves on honest money?

Well, I have an answer for you. They might be semi-normal people taking the baby for a walk because it's not quite time for bed, but he's tired and bored. How do I know this? I know this because I actually walked across I-80 last Saturday in Omaha, NE at 5:30 pm.  My grandma sister (my son-in-law's mother) and I were following my daughter through the neighborhood, "tra-la-la," and then I looked and there she was, headed for the overpass. A hundred neurotic thoughts came to my mind. "I'm going to be that person walking across the interstate?" "What if someone sees us. Do you know how many people in America could drive through Omaha, NE? It could be anyone I've ever met, ever in my whole life. Should I wave just in case?!" "Is this even safe? What if the whole thing collapses and we go crashing to injury or possible death only to be run over time and again by the thousand semi-trucks per hour that drive on I-80 through the center of our country?"

My daughter and grandson strolled confidently onto the overpass.  I took courage by this and followed suit. As I was crossing over the cars and trucks and cars and trucks I was overcome by the strange, but familiar, urge to do the most outrageous thing possible. In this case it was throw my cellphone through the fence. As I shared this compulsion with my walking partners they did not reassure me with an "I know, right?" They looked at me as people do when they are in the presence of insanity. What can I say? It happens a lot.  When I'm standing on the edge of a cliff, I have to stop myself  from jumping, When I'm in a Chemistry laboratory, I suppress my urge to break all the glass, I even have to tell myself not to throw my keys into the post office mailbox or library dropbox. So, I exerted all my willpower and walked through the gamut of the emotions that are mine and successfully made it across the highway teeming with vehicles without injury or outrageous incident. Amazing, right?

But don't think all my fears are unrealistic. As we were walking a truck totally honked at me. He honked because he was thinking, "What kind of people walk across the interstate overpass?" and "Don't throw your cellphone through the fence onto the freeway, sister." Thanks dude.

Families are forever and I'm glad they are.

The end of a college semester always brings with it some notable events. This year's events were 2 Miller family grandsons and grandson-in-law graduating from BYU and 2 Miller family grandchildren getting married. I love my large family of siblings and my large family of children.  I feel like my team, people who have my back, is full and strong. Some of the challenges of a large team, however, are that having a lot of people means having a lot of schedule conflicts. People live in far away places, so no one expects everyone to come to every event, but those that make it are rewarded with being part of important memories.

 Mobilizing a large group can be arduous as we try and decide where we should eat and then wait for everyone to alternately realize that they need to go to the bathroom, or they forgot an item or need to pick up something or someone on the way. Travelling in a convoy means someone's going to get dropped at a light or an exit. And we just have to plan for the fact that some in our family are spatially challenged (me) and will spend at least part of the time being lost.  This occurrence has been diminished, however, by our best friend, Garmin. These are the human factors, but like a vein of gold threading through the temporal was the divine.

The whole time I was in UT with these humans I'm related to, I felt the "God loves us and isn't far away" feeling. I found tears escaping at the slightest tender gesture and sometimes just the beautiful sight of people that are mine. This was explained when I heard this wise counsel, "The spirit of Elijah is recognizing the divinity in families.

Joseph F. Smith said, "There can be no genuine happiness separate and apart from the home, and every effort made to sanctify and preserve its influence is uplifting to those who toil and sacrifice for its establishment. There is no happiness without service and there is no greater service than that which converts the home into a divine institution, and which promotes and preserves family life."

I was blessed to spend two of my days with my parents in Manti. They live in a house that my father bought from my Grandpa. It sits on 5 acres at the mouth of the canyon. My mom decorates and beautifies and preserves memories and my dad gardens and tends to his chickens and paints in his cellar and carves images on the dead trees in the yard. They also sacrifice and care for each other and establish happiness in their home. My dad is on dialysis 4 days a week.  He receives this treatment hooked up to a machine in his bedroom. Mom is now his nurse. She changes his dressing, makes sure every instruction is followed and tells my Dad to be careful. My heart melted when I saw Mom tenderly caring for Dad. My heart melted again when I saw that Dad, the patient, had gotten up early to prepare and bring his sweetheart breakfast in bed.

And then it was "Happy Mother's Day" to me when I watched my sons with their baby girls. When I saw Jacob with Isla, I asked him if I could hold her. He said, "No." It took me by surprise. My sweet daughter-in-law explained., "Of course you can hold her. He's just not very good at sharing." A son that loves to be with his baby all the time? I love it.

Aaron's wife has a tradition of going to "BYU Women's Conference" with her mom every year. I think it's a lovely tradition. The tricky part was that Women's Conference was on the same day as my niece's sealing in  the Salt Lake Temple. Aaron's response was, "Spend the day with my baby girl driving up to SLC and hanging out with family on temple square? Easy." I have to admit I was impressed as I observed him managing baby, stroller, diaper bag, food, diaper changes and conversation with relatives like a champ.

And guess who was at the temple? More family! It's hard to describe how a heart feels when it encounters loved ones it hasn't been with for a while. I love those dear faces of nieces and nephews I've known since they were born, coming home from missions, finishing college, returning after marriage and parenthood, growing up overnight and becoming some excellent citizens. As we all know, one of the best parts of life is coming home and this was coming home.

And then two wonderful people were sealed in the temple of our God for time and all eternity.  Thank you, Amanda and Ben for letting us witness your happiness and love.

The fun wasn't over. We took the party north a couple hours to our next rockin' venue- more sisters, more nieces and nephews. I thought I was going to help, but the Christensens had things well in hand. A perfect menu was planned with a perfect strategy in place. The husbands played with the well-behaved children as everything came together beautifully. There was even time for a relaxing game in the backyard.  All that cheerfulness and calm attitude was so foreign to me.  I thought I should start having a hissy fit so they could experience virtually what a proper day before a wedding should be like.

And then the next wedding happened with all the lovely cherished souls in attendance and then it was time to return to my home to see my husband and little ones. My life is blessed to be sure, and as an added bonus, my journey to see family included detours that reunited me with dear friends. Heavenly Father is kind.