Some things motherhood taught me about God.

Since I was the oldest of 9 children, I had some experience with babies before I became a mother.  I had held babies and changed babies and smelled new-baby skin and kissed warm baby cheeks.  My mom's last child was born 3 months before my first child, so I had cuddled my brother not too long before I cuddled my son.  I felt confident that there was little about motherhood that would surprise me. Well, surprise.  There were miles of surprises, not the least of which was the amount of love I felt for the new life that I took home from the hospital.  It wasn't just great and strong and everlasting.  It was fierce.  As life went on this love for "my child" became love for  "my children."  It's not that I didn't see their imperfections and weaknesses, it was that I clearly comprehended their exquisite potential and my responsibility in opening their vision to that potential.

Which brings me to the first lesson I learned about God.  I have always believed in God, but there was a time or two when I would throw a tantrum and wonder why my life had to be hard, and sometimes I did what I wanted instead of what I should, but I always believed and had hope for heaven.  When I became a mother, the game changed.  The stakes became higher, which shows how kind He was to bless me with children.  When my children occasionally did what they wanted instead of what they should, I felt myself panic.  It wasn't enough to believe in God.  I had to know that redemption was real and that there was power in the Savior's sacrifice and that my cherished offspring would be forgiven and sanctified and made whole and reach their potential.  It was at this place I began to desperately search for this knowledge.  I studied the scriptures, prayed and waited... and the answer came.  "I would not have allowed my Son to suffer if  his atonement and sacrifice had no saving power."  Because I had loved a child, I knew this to be an absolute truth.

My children are delightful to be sure, but it's possible that there has been a brief moment or moments where I was not happy with their choices.  Of course I felt very sorry for myself during those times.  After all, hadn't I told them and told them and showed them and showed them and then they went and chose something else?  I could have been sitting on the couch eating bon bons the whole time instead killing myself with goals and discipline and teaching. It was during one of these dramatic moments that I realized suffering because of the choices of others is something Jesus Christ did, but he did it with love and willingness to serve.  And he had done it for me and mine, and you and yours. So I needed to remember to give gifts freely without any thought of return.

Another lesson I learned came during childbirth, not my first childbirth or even my second.  But after some of my children had been born I realized some symbolism in the process.  All things testify of Christ, and I understood that just as it was through Jesus Christ's pain and suffering that we can be born again and have eternal life.  The pain and suffering of a mother gives way to birth and mortal life.  It was then that I felt that I was a partner with God in the creation process.  Truthfully, remembering this made labor more meaningful and more tolerable.

Jesus Christ loves us and has made it possible to return to our Father in Heaven because of  the perfect life he lived and the precious blood he spilt. This I know with an absolute hope for heaven for all who faithfully and diligently repent and obey and love Him.

Happy Birthday Paul 2

Today at 1:06 AM

Happy Birthday to my sweet husband who works hard to support us and make all our wishes come true.  I love you.  xoxox, Laurie

Dad, you are such a good example of how to be a great husband, father and grandpa!  Thanks for always spending the time with us, being involved with our sports and school and trying to find ways to be in our lives.  You are a great dad and grandpa.  Caleb and Landon really enjoy their time with you and always look forward to seeing you.  I love hearing about your adventures as you search for that perfect job and appreciate your advice to make us better athletes and men. We couldn't do it without you.  Hope you have a great birthday!  We love you.

Rangers Lead the Way.

D and E

Happy Birthday Grandpa, Hope you have a good day.  We miss you, I wish you could come and visit and play legos.  Love you.  Caleb

"Bubble"  "too, toooo"  "da-da" "Thisch"

Landon

Hey Dad,

I appreciate you supporting us through our lives. You are a good example of a hard worker, and have really helped me become a better person. I love how you take time to teach us how to play and how to win.

Also, thanks for always letting us know how much you love us. Not everyone can say the same about their dad. Happy Birthday. Your great.

Brandon

To dad

Thank you for being a good example of a good Dad for me. I love how much you love your family and enjoy spending time with us. I love that you love Mom like crazy and that you're willing to do anything to make her happy. You are a great Dad and a great example to all of us.

Nathan

Dear Papa Stoker!

Happy Birthday!!  Thanks so much for being an awesome father-in-law.  You have always made me feel so welcome in the Stoker family. Not gonna lie, I was super intimidated coming into the all-so-talented Stoker family with little strategy gaming skills and absolutely no volleyball experience ;-)  But you have always made me feel like I belong.  You are always so complimenting, encouraging, and AWESOME!  I love how much you love your family and how well you take care of everyone around you.  You are such a good teacher and such a fun and funny person to be around.  I love to hear Nathan's fun stories about growing up and all the adventures he had with his dad.    Thanks for raising a great son and an wonderful family.  I hope you have a fantastic, enjoyable Birthday!  Love you, Dad!!

 Ari

Hey Dad,

Hope your birthday's a great one.  I'm not sure what number this is for you because you're still pretty young to me.  You could eat ice cream every night if you wanted.  If you don't still.  So all I have to say could be summed up in two words: Thank you. 

But in case you're not sure why those two words, let me keep going.

Thanks for being my Dad.  Not everyone gets books every night until they're 13.  Not everyone gets to wake up to the cougar fight song and come into the kitchen with the oven opened up so we could be warm.  And if that wasn't enough there was the fresh pot of oatmeal to "stick to our ribs."  Not everyone gets a personal coach, sponsor, and fan all wrapped in one.  Thanks for all the support and all the sports lessons.  I know you gave us your all with each piece of advice.  I didn't know when you first showed me how to shoot a basketball that "elevator up" meant I love you.  Thanks for keeping it coming.  Thanks for your dreams.  It was great sail on them growing up: fishing, foosball, ping pong, volleyball, dodgeball, tennis, and even sailing.  Thanks for keeping your message clear: we could do anything!  Thanks for repeating it even when it didn't always stick. I'm grateful to learn your lessons today and through my memories.  Thanks for helping us with the girls in life.  We should've listened better to you.  Just to let you know I got myself a girl that's got the 4 B's: booty, bum, buttocks, badonk.  Thanks for being a worthy priesthood holder.  Thanks for going hometeaching and giving us father's blessings.  Thanks for praying with us in the home.  Thanks for loving our mama.  We all learned how to love from you.  She made a great decision in marrying you and she's lucky to have you.  

Dad thanks for giving us the best years of your life.  You always made time for us and I know that you cared about us the most.  

I love ya Dad.

Aaron

Dad, Thank you for raising such wonderful children! I am so lucky to be part of your incredible family. I love how much love there is from Stoker to Stoker, and I plan to adopt the same loving kindness in my future Stoker home. Thank you for making the Stoker name great and strong! Thank you for setting the bar and being an example to your children, especially for Aaron. He loves you so much, and I am thankful for your influence in his life. I am so excited to be a part of the Stoker family that you & your amazing wife have created! Love, Clarissa

Clarissa

 SDad loves sports. He loved to teach us and support us and infuse in us a love for sports as well. It is one of his favorite ways to connect with his kids! When I was younger I didn’t always love the coaching, even if it was good for me. But one particular evening of shooting hoops with dad at the Church gym has stood out to me. We were shooting and I was getting frustrated and to me it felt like we had been shooting forever. I wanted to be done. I said so but dad was firm and refused to leave unless I ended on a good shot. My percentage had been pretty bad for the evening and I grumbled and lazily threw up a shot or two until I realized I’d actually have to focus to get a good shot. I of course shot until I “swished” it and then we went home. That’s been a lesson that has stuck with me. It’s something that I think about and has a sort of adapting message. Usually it reminds me to have a good attitude, give it your best, and to never give up. I love you dad!

Jacob

Paul Stoker was the perfect father for his little princess-in-training. When I was little, he would let me step on his feet and we would dance and dance around the kitchen. I felt like the most beautiful girl in the world, well, except for my mom :)He would also indulge my girly tastes and stick up for me when my brothers were teasing me.He attended his fair share of dance recitals, musicals, sporting events and choir concerts. I always felt that he supported me and was proud of me.  We went on so many fun dates. Just my dad and me. His favorite may have been our Dick's Sporting Goods adventures where we would practice our golf swings on the mini green, and try out all the sports equipment on the floor. There were many nights in high school that I would unwind with a game of ping pong. We'd talk about my forehand, and backhand, but mostly we'd talk about life. I loved those nights. My dad was always ready with a hug and a kiss, especially when I needed it the most. His love was unconditional and I'll always be his little girl. 

Eliza

Dear Papa, I think you're the best Dad ever! I miss you singing Man has a dream and no business like show business, I love how you have always pushed me to be the best I can be. I love you so much Dad. 

Love,

Andrew

To my wonderful Father,

           Thank you for being so happy. On so many occasions I remember waking up to, "So wake up and do something more

than dream of your mansions above..." You have been a great example of always doing and giving something more.

I am thankful for your sacrifice in giving your children all that you have even if we don't 

deserve it. From ice cream dates to five minute back rubs, I love being with you. 

You are talented, handsome, and have a wealth of knowledge. I appreciate you teaching us the value of education. 

When I was younger, you "sucked our brains out" with a sloppy kiss, but you gave them back because you knew we would need them later.

Especially, thank you for your continuous support in each of your child's interests and goals. As you have taught us,

"Man has a dream, and that's a start. He follows his dream with mind and heart until it becomes a reality. It is a dream come true for you and me..."

Thank you for letting us dream. 

I love you with all my heart! I hope you have a wonderful birthday!

Love,

    Rebecca 

Happy birthday Dad I love you hope you have a great birthday.

Gabe

Happy Birthday Mary

When this little blonde-haired blue-eyed girl was born, my parents wanted to name her Mary Kristen.  After thinking about it, however, they decided it sounded too much like "Merry Christmas" so changed her name to Kristen Mary.  We continued to call her Mary, well not really, a lot of the time we called her "Baby."  My mom loved Engelbert Humperdink, and his music was playing much of the time.  On one occasion, said artist was crooning away, and sweet little sister happily declared, "He's singing I love you baby!"  And well he should, because everyone loved this baby and everyone still loves her even though we call her "Mary."

She was what my mom described as "Bonky cheerful."  Now we know that what Mom meant by that was athletic, talented, kind and happy.  My Dad used to make up stories to help our behavior.  There were sisters, "Grabelda" "Firstina", something like"Selfishista" and "Charity."  I was pretty sure Charity was Mary and I was the other sisters.  I actually have other sisters who are kind, and I may not have been the only sister who was looking out for #1 at least some of the time, but little Mary was a stand-out.  She was patient and loving and fun, always making up games and activities for her brothers and sisters.

Mary puts the "holi" in day. Her siblings had it made and now her kids have it made.  A few of their fun traditions are summer camping, Back to school night, Christmas Eve date with her husband, super birthdays, and family movie nights.  Okay, you probably read right over the words "Back to school night" without even pausing, but I'll tell you.  What they do at the Jones house is fantastic.  This year Mary and Jeff dressed like Harry Potter characters and spent the whole dinner in character. The theme is a surprise to their children, and I can't even describe the details.  Maybe she can blog about it;)

I was 7 when she was born, so when I was in High School she was about 8.  This was a very cool time for me.  Actually this was a very grumpy time for me.  Little miss bonky cheerful was living the dream, and I may have had a lapse in gratitude for this blessing of a sister. We love to remember the day she reported with glee how she and her friend who lived across the street from the high school had gone over to basketball practice and stolen the players's shoes and put trash in them.  This was not as hilarious to me, as those were my friends, and I couldn't see this as anything but annoying.  She confessed that bugging my teenage self was actually one of her favorite activities.  I'm super glad I didn't kill her because she is one of my favorite people on earth and has been making my life better for many years.

One of my favorite of Mary's many gifts is her music.  Her mind is full of songs, the best songs.  I remember driving to a family reunion with her and Heidi and my aunt when she was in college.  She and Heidi sang and sang with the most beautiful harmony.  It was heaven.  When she came to visit young mother me she entertained my children with her happy music.  I couldn't believe her repertoire was so extensive.  I had her write her list of children's songs on a piece of cardboard so I could pull it out and sing to my babies. It was kept in my kitchen cupboard at the ready for a long time. She has composed  many songs for church programs and inspirational listening.  I'm just so proud of her.

Another highlight of life has to be at family talent shows when Mary and Megan tickle us with their ...hmm... what shall we call it?  Comedy Dance.  I looked back in the annals of talent shows and found this amazing dance number to "Love Shack."  This could be where it all started.

(See facebook for this video)

And this is where they've come and I love it so much.

Mary, thanks for being wonderful.  I love you..

Dreams and Cages. What's standing between me and my dreams?

It was Friday, my day off, the day I don't prepare for seminary, so I was reading my recreational fiction.  The book  was "Blackmoore" by Julianne Donaldson.  The characters had been introduced, and Kate (the main character) had gotten herself into a tight spot.  She was having a dramatic moment, which moments I usually tolerate with superior amusement,  but I found my heart breaking and tears springing from their hiding place.  This surprised me, and I've been pondering why this tugged at and broke my heart strings.  The passages are as follows: "I feel caged.  Always.  I feel like I am this bird, trapped and stifled and caged, and I keep looking for a way to escape, but I am barred at every turn."  "That is how I feel about India.  I want to go so badly the wanting hurts.  But I am afraid that I won't ever go, and I'm afraid that I will never realize this dream, and if I don't realize this dream, then it's possible I won't realize any dream.  And I'll just live a bleak, dreamless life without adventure or joy or choice or--or--living." "All I can think is that I will end up like this poor bird.  I will beat myself against the bars of my cage until I am too exhausted, and then I will give up and live the rest of my life without a song and inside a forgotten room."

The character and I do not have much in common. I don't care about going to India (turns out this dream was just an escape.) She is an 18 year old girl with no resources  under the control of her mother.   I'm the mom and I do what I want. I have a bank card and it works (with a lot of limits of course.) I know I have choices so rarely feel trapped in that way, but I have to ask myself, "What are the bars that cage me?"  "What are my unrealized dreams?"

This is what I have determined.  The bars of my cage are fear, distraction, and laziness.

FEAR:   When I was a semester student at BYU Hawaii  there was an opportunity for the students to go for a weekend cruise.  It was an affordable 3 days around the Hawaiian islands.  Of course I did not sign up. What if I didn't know anyone?  What if no one talked to me?  What if I missed something important at home?  Besides that, I shouldn't spend any money.  So home I stayed while probably 80 % of the semester students were cruising around the islands having a wonderful time.  At least I was safe in my cage.

On another occasion a brave friend invited me to go with her on a cruise through Central America to see the Mayan ruins.  I had a husband who told me it was a chance of a lifetime and wouldn't think of letting me miss this.  It remains to this day one of my most memorable experiences thanks to a friend and spouse who opened my cage door.

DISTRACTION:  Sometimes at the end of the day I say, "I know what I did today, but is that what I wanted to do?"  My dream was to show the people in my life that I love them through some small gesture that I forgot to perform because I got on facebook, or started sorting stuff, or shopping or some other impulsive act.  My dream is to improve in music, but I didn't touch one musical instrument.  My dream is to learn and to serve and to grow, but I forgot.

LAZINESS: I have an ongoing dream of experiencing America, particularly my local area, which means one of the 10 states in which I have lived.  This week I was invited by a friend to hike Pine Mountain with a group of women.  Even though this experience aligned with my dream, my first response was, "I'm too tired for an all day hike.  When will we be back?  I suppose I'll have to make preparations like pack a lunch and water etc."  Their enthusiasm was convincing, however, so I crept out of my cage and joined them on their really beautiful and fantastic day.  It could only have been improved had I stopped complaining a little sooner.  (I really wasn't prepared for no bathroom.)

I've been observing people who realize their dreams and  have noticed some commonalities among them:

1. They state their dream boldly.  They don't say, "Well, I might go into psychology if I can get into the program."  They say, "I'm going to be a counselor."  And interestingly enough,  people don't doubt their bold statements, and those dreams are usually realized.

2.  They are resilient.  Of course doors will shut.  While I'm saying, "I can't write a book.  Someone might say I'm a bad writer."  They say, I will improve, I will get better, I will try another door, cages can be opened.

3.  They are hard working.  My son, Gabe, wanted to play a song from "Pirates of the Caribbean" on the piano.  He has had about 5 piano lessons from his sister and knows 1 other song.  The song he chose was above his level.  It is too hard.  It is not fun.  It did not sound at all like "Pirates of the Caribbean."  He's worked on it almost every day for 2 months.  He is learning it. Today it is a very recognizable "He's a Pirate."

4.They can act independently.  "This is what I'm doing.  Come along if you want."  Not, "5 people begged me and told me they'd help me.  Maybe I'll try it." (I confess I am typically of the latter ilk.)

5.  They are hopeful.  They don't say, "What if I don't like this or what if it turns out horrible? I probably can't do it." They know how to make life great. The worst thing that can happen if they go after a good dream is that they can learn and improve.

I have a friend from church who has actually published a book.  Her name is Victoria Wilcox and she wrote "Southern Son: The Saga of Doc Holliday."  (You should read it.) I'm so intrigued by this accomplishment from a real person.  Was she ever afraid that she wasn't good enough to write a book for the public?  How did she stay focused on the project for the years it took to finish the work?  And speaking of work, was she sure she wanted to commit herself to a project that big, I mean, what if she didn't feel like meeting her deadlines one day?  Apparently not, and she just did it, and yes, she was sure.

So we have some choices.  We can stay safe in our cage and never get rejected by a publisher, or a coach or an audience or lose our luggage or have a child that disappoints us or a loved one that hurts us.  Or we can fly and take our talents as far as we can go and visit wonderful people and places and have a family filled with lasting joy and love and give our whole heart because we do not want to live the rest of our life without a song in a forgotten room.

Food insanity, no really.

I know I'm a  stress bucket, but I am going to confess that food is one of the most crazy places for my brain to go.  Can I just vent a little here?  So no one wants cancer, right?  I just read that if you want to not feed the cancer potential that's already in your body, eat plenty of fruits and vegetables.  So far so good, well maybe better with fruit than vegetables, but would you rather eat more grapes and watermelon or more broccoli and cauliflower?  That's what I thought.  And if you really would rather eat more cauliflower I salute you as an outlier.  Moving on, and don't eat processed foods or sugar or artificials or white flour, pasta etc.  Well, isn't that just dandy?  Guess what's in my cupboard?  Pasta, Wheat thins, flour, canned vegetables, and cereal, none of which is allowed for people who don't want to get cancer.  Oh wait, there is a small bag of brown rice which takes twice as long to cook as white rice and so has gotten used once in 2 years.  There is also a bag of Quinoa in the back which apparently is a very good choice so I'll put that in front of the Honey Nut Cheerios to impress my healthy friends who look in my food cupboard... never.

So, no cancer, no cancer, but what about storing food for a rainy day or a disaster or a government shut down that never ends?  Okay, the canned vegetables can stay, the nuts are fine, granola bars, wheat, raisins, egg powder, (isn't that processed?), white rice, beans, oil (is that good fat or bad fat?) canned chicken would be perfect (probably full of artificials), and I'm definitely going to need some sugar, sorry cancer.

And did you hear about the genetically engineered foods that are causing rampant food allergies, gluten intolerance, etc.?  Don't eat grains grown in America especially by Monsanto.  Go to Europe to buy bread.  I bought my wheat in the US of A.  I thought it was the staff of life.  Now it's the devil.  No bread, no bread.

And some people that I love eat paleo.  More protein means more muscle. "What's for dinner?   Chicken and... chicken."  "What's for breakfast? 20 eggs and chicken."  I can see that builds muscle, but that can't be good for life, right?  Because too much meat is not healthy.  We should be eating whole grains, but not grown in America, a little meat, and lots of fruits and vegetables (there they are again.)   There are also people that I love that are vegetarians, maybe I should learn more about that... or  maybe I should let them duke it out with the paleos, in a loving way of course.

And then there are the people that I'm supposed to be keeping alive.  I slaved over a delicious dinner tonight: bad-pasta and cheese, good-tomatoes, spinach, egg plant, grapes, and a little bit of chicken.  The 13 yr old took the slightest piece of chicken, ate the pasta while artfully dodging the spinach and tomatoes, was good with the grapes and positively gagged the egg plant.  He told me it was as bad as cantaloupe.

Well, the 15 yr. old girl was happy.  She likes healthy food so I could just cook for her and if the 13yr. old got hungry enough he would eat it.  I'm a veteran mother who should not be catering to picky eaters, but have you seen my 13 year old boy?  His ribs stick out.  Sometimes I see him eating butter and I'm thrilled (I know, cancer.)  And guess what else?  I buy him hot dogs and encourage lots of mayonnaise on his sandwich and give him a spoon of peanut butter with his breakfast.

And if you want to know the truth, I'm a lover of comfort food...apple crisp and pumpkin muffins in the fall, toffee, caramel popcorn and hot chocolate in the winter. (white, since I actually do have a food rule:  No chocolate.)  Strawberry shortcake in the spring, corn on the cob and watermelon in the summer. Which, according to the fitness people at the gym, means my body is addicted to sugar and starch and needs at least a 14 day fast from those evil foods. But my grandfather lived until he was 90 and lived on creamed potatoes and peas and cracked wheat.  He also loved  good pie.  So that's what I think about when I want to make cookies (with lots of oatmeal and nuts, of course). And do you know what else I really love?  Brats and deep fried anything.  Now you know, I'm a carny girl at heart, but I don't want cancer.  So  I'll keep trying to move in a healthier direction, but quinoa mint salad just doesn't feel as festive as raspberry cheese cake, am I right?

The art of being a stay-at-home mom.

I'm writing this post for women who want to stay at home to raise children and want it to be as enjoyable as possible.  Well, I have all the answers. Bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.......sigh.....that was a good one.  But I am old, and I did stay at home and lived to tell the tale.  So here are some tricks of the trade:

1.  Exercise-(outside if possible)  Okay, I know you've got a million reasons why you can't, and they're good reasons.  Maybe you can't be at the gym doing zumba, pilates, and power, but everyone in the family needs you to be fit and strong and they also really like it when you're cheerful, so make it happen.  My favorite is walking in the morning with a friend.  Sometimes I went without children before my husband went to work.  Sometimes I walked with a baby in a stroller, but if I could wrangle a friend into going with me, it was 2 for 1-therapy + exercise.

When it was too cold to walk, I turned to my virtual friends Cindy (Crawford), that one pilates girl, and the Dancing with the Stars people.  Okay, sometimes I wasn't following along the whole time, but something's better than nothing.  And if it looks like none of those options will work, just lift the baby with about 8 sets of 10 and follow up with dancing crazy in the living room.  Once my OB asked what I had done to exercise that week.  I told him I walked really fast at the grocery store.  Apparently, that was an unacceptable answer.

2.  Identify "No clutter zones."  Some people have "no clutter houses" and I wish it was me, but I just couldn't seem to manage that.  There were complicated Lego altercations in one corner, brilliant paper creations in another, baby toy baskets, my book/magazine/project that I needed to keep out and visible to increase the chances that I would pick it up. When all this lovely creating started to get  to my left brain and I began to feel order-deficient, I solved the problem with no-clutter zones.  Since I care what people think, my first no-clutter zone is the room that company sees upon entering the home.  When I lived in an apartment I had a welcome display instead of company room.  That means a table with a decoration and decoration only, no keys, school papers, pencils, gloves-- nothin'.  The other clutter-free zone was my room.  I tried  to keep my bed made and pretty and my room picked up.  My kids' rooms were whatever, but my brain needed a place to rest, and that's what "no clutter zones" gave me.

3. Play to your strengths and make your home and family fantastic. "Don't compare your journey and your children to your friend's journey and your friend's children."  Get ideas and inspiration, but not feelings of inadequacy or condemnation.  The great thing about being a stay-at-home mom is that you're the boss.  You write the plan.  Okay, you don't feel like the boss when you're nursing a baby every 2 hours, or potty training a toddler, but you have the opportunity to educate yourself and teach your children what you value in a way that your talents allow.  So decide what you really want for your children i.e. love, stability, God, imagination, literature, music, sports, discipline, resiliency, etc. and give it to them.

4. Bring a friend.  Meet the other moms at the park.  Let the kids play (fight over toys and learn to negotiate) while the moms commiserate over sleepless nights, messy houses, and diaper rash.  I will forever hold a special place in my heart for the friends from my intense mothering years.  I was shameless in my dependence on them for my sanity. I like to think we needed each other.  Who else would listen to the anxieties that keep playing through our mother brains and then tell us we're perfectly normal?

5. Create.  So much of what stay-at-home-moms do gets undone but still needs to be done again.  Identify an activity that you can invest time into where progress and improvement can be observed.  Did you ever wonder why young mothers craft?  It's not that there aren't enough cute decorations in the world.  They just need to hang something on the wall that says, "I lived today."  Of course creating a family is an eternal creation, and no effort is wasted, but for a quick fix in the "Am I making a difference?" arena, practice the piano, make a family home evening chart, paint a wall, plant a garden, can some peaches, take some pictures, blog, write in a journal, read a book, decorate a card, just a little something measurable to give you encouragement.

6. Wear mascara every day. I am not kidding.  After my first baby was born and I was wearing my husband's clothes because mine didn't fit and my hair looked like a person that had never seen a blow dryer let alone a styling product,  I felt like my old life was over, and I was a little bit right.  I was right because the best was yet to come, but I could bring grooming and self respect along with me into my next phase.  I find that if I run into the grocery store and know I look bad, I keep my eyes on the ground so I don't have to see people's reactions to my unfortunate state.  Wash your hair, put on your mascara and smile.  You have people to love and you can't be worried about how you look

7. Go on a Friday night date with your sweet husband.  I don't care how, trade with friends, transform your living room into a romantic getaway when the kids are asleep, (whenever that is)  drink powdered milk and save up for a babysitter, but do it, every week.  When my Dad was the bishop my mom made sure "Date night" was on the calendar for Friday nights and they always went out.  And my own personal rule is that it's not a date if there's no food.

8.  Give yourself a high five for all the amazing work you did today. Look how all your kids are alive. Nicely done. It's possible you contributed in some other fantastic ways--driving, grooming, encouraging, empathizing, correcting, playing, teaching, modeling life skills. Wow-stinkin'-wie. Our children love us because we are their mothers, not because we execute perfectly. Some moments are going to be just dandy-- lists checked, children happy, house clean, but that will only be a few minutes every once in a while.  That doesn't mean that things are going badly, it's just that life is made of "the messy bits."  Children are the epitome of "messy bits."  They are gifts from heaven and our greatest joy, but they can be loud and unhappy and demanding and sticky and feverish and awake more than anticipated. This is part of God's plan. These opportunities to serve stretch us and strengthen us, but it may feel a little uncomfortable and overwhelming along the way.  But when was anything worthwhile ever easy?  So when it comes to motherhood if you feel like life is a little crazy, you're right on target and probably doing a very nice job.

9.  Pray.  It works.