Saved by motherhood

There have been times, not a few, when I thought I was really doing God a favor by raising 9 children. But I have discovered something he has always known.  He was doing me the favor by sending them to me.  Motherhood changed me, and in many ways saved me.

I was reading in my journals that I had written through the years, and it was a little painful.  I don't really like the person I was in my twenties as much as the person I am in my fifties.  I know there are lots of ways to change and it usually involves recognizing the need, making the effort, and trusting in God.  I just feel like for me, motherhood was a veryeffective tutorial.

In my early years I seemed to spend more time thinking about how others needed to change.  As time went on my focus became more on how I needed to change.  When I was in college and knew everything about parenting, I had all these judgmental little thoughts, "My child will never suck their thumb."  "You actually let your child eat outside of the kitchen?"   "You know, hot dogs aren't a food."  "Well, if you weren't so permissive, your child would be more obedient." " My child will never talk to me like that."  And my favorite, "Your teenager did what?  Just tell them not to."  Well, as everyone has already guessed, I ate every word.  I ate every  parenting word.  And that is the beauty of it.  Now I'm not saying it's not good to have a plan, it's important to be as prepared as possible.  Just know that being flexible is an important quality and be open to adjusting the plan as the new situations arise, like every hour.

For one thing, motherhood is hard, and did you know that when a child is born to you they're yours forever?  Baby's cry, and two-year olds have tantrums, and 5 yr. olds don't really stop talking.  7 yr. olds run away when they get mad at you, and 12 yr. olds tell lots of jokes that aren't funny.  Fifteen yr. olds do what they want and 18 year olds leave you. On top of this they need to be fed, every day. This means when I became a mother I could no longer just do a little good for society and then reward myself the rest of the day.  I was on duty all the time.  I had to help these people feel love and learn about God and come to understand the importance of obedience, education, sharing, etiquette, sacrifice, work, self-control, selflessness...  Then a weird thing happened, while I was teaching I was learning.

Motherhood brought a lot of surprises.  I was the oldest of 10 and had loved a lot of babies, but I was still surprised at the feeling I had when I first held my newborn.  That love that people write about, the "I'll give you everything, can't get enough of you, die for you" feeling was here to stay.  Another surprise came when my first born left home.  He was definitely ready to leave and may or may not have been ornery in the weeks preceding his departure.  I remember thinking, "Yeah, it's time."  The surprise came the moment he got on the plane.  That day and  practically every day after for about a year I cried when I thought about him.  I wondered, "Do you mean all the moms of college freshman around the world are ready to burst into tears all the time?  Who knew?"

In the April 2011 General Conference Lynn G. Robbins said, "A sweet and obedient child will enroll a father or mother only in Parenting 101.  If you are blessed with a child who tests your patience to the nth degree, you will be enrolled in Parenting 505.  Rather than wonder what you might have done wrong in the premortal life to be so deserving, you might consider the more challenging child a blessing and opportunity to become more Christlike yourself.  With which child will your patience, long-suffering, and other Christlike virtues most likely be tested, developed and refined?  Could it be possible that you need this child as much as this child needs you?"

Now I'd say that each child has their 101 moments and their 505 moments, but frankly I've had my moments too.  Some days my kids are enrolled in the "I love my nice mom-101"   and others days the  "Forgive your Crazy Mother- 505." Lets just say home is a great place to learn and grow and change. So maybe a day that looks like a disaster is really creating something beautiful and new.  Let's just hang a sign on our front door: "Please excuse our mess while we remodel to serve you better."