Don't Cry. I'm sorry.

Last week's subbing experience brought a new challenge: crying. Things were going along in the usual chaotic fashion, and then one student said, "____'s cheeks are getting rosy." I remember thinking, "That's okay, right?" Next thing I knew, tears were falling down those cute rosy cheeks. Little sad boys's heart seemed to be breaking. When I investigated I discovered that some kids had teased him about his nickname.

As a parent I had mixed feelings about forced apologies.  The "Say your sorry" brought forth an insincere and rushed "sorry" as the offender went on their way. But I wanted my children to feel remorse and compassion and a desire to change. My next move was to deal out a punishment so that the guilty party would remember that their choice brought about uncomfortable results.  I'm not sure how effective this was and it seemed there was a lot of the "sorrow of the damned" (I'm sorry I got caught") and not so much sorrow unto repentance and real change.

A couple of years ago I saw this brilliant formula on facebook (the source of so much knowledge).
I'm sorry I ___________________
This was wrong because _______________
Next time I'll______________________
Will you forgive me?

This seems to be the better way to apologize.  Sincere apology is powerful in restoring a relationship. I remember when I was little we were on a car trip, and I made a suggestion that was ignored. I laugh that I even registered this now that I'm an adult and know how many suggestions and requests a parent receives. I'm sure what I really was was tired and grumpy and feeling sorry for myself.  I sat in the back of the car and cried real tears. When my dad saw that I was crying he apologized sincerely and told me he loved me and called me "Little Laurie." Even though I wanted to continue to sulk I couldn't resist the power of his sincere remorse and concern. My hurt feelings drifted away and I was whole and acknowledged to myself that I might have overreacted a bit.

A classroom setting or any large group of children (like what we had in my family) makes it challenging to stop and restore friendships, but in the face of these tears, I felt it was important to try.  Interestingly enough, on this particular day I had 5 children cry. I don't know if I should take that personally, but lets just say we had a lot of opportunities to practice our conflict resolution. I taught the children the apology formula after the first incident. After every other incident we went through the steps.  It went like this: "I'm sorry I told you _____ likes you. That was wrong because we don't have boyfriends in second grade. Next time I won't tell you, even though it's true. Will you forgive me?"
 "I'm sorry I spit at you. That was wrong because it's gross. Next time I won't spit at you. Will you forgive me?" This didn't seem like much, but the criers were appeased pretty quickly and it was interesting to listen to the offenders verbalize their infractions. It reminded me that we probably don't need to spend much time lecturing kids. They're pretty clear on what they did wrong.

In the meantime, I could work on my apologies. My justifications may be impeding my progress . Today in seminary we read a scripture that said, "And because thou hast seen thy weakness, thou shalt be made strong." Ether 12:36 So I'm sorry I don't apologize enough. This is wrong because it keeps me from admitting guilt and becoming humble and restoring the damage I've done. Next time I'll try not to say the rude thing in the first place, and when I do say that rude thing, I'll apologize. Will you forgive me?

I wonder what the Stokers did for Spring Break?

I mean, who wouldn't wonder, with our history of not going anywhere and hanging around the house for 10 days? This year didn't disappoint. Being the good mom that I am, of course I checked in, "Would you like to go anywhere for spring break?" I could have guessed the response (I'm a learner) "I don't want to drive anywhere." "I would really like to catch up on my homework." These homebodies save me so much money.  And truth be told, a week at home with no alarms or calendared items sounded heavenly.

Always the mom, I know that no one can be happy doing nothing until after doing something. Luckily, Gabe had the opportunity to take care of the neighbor's dog. Some might have noticed that although I blog about flowers, trees, children, siblings, parents, gardens, friends and other beautiful things, I never blog about animals.  That's because, to put this delicately, I do not have room in my brain for pets.  If I have a pet I worry if they're cold or hot or hungry or lonely or bored and I already have a husband and children that are cold or hungry or lonely or bored and I cannot fit any more guilt into my life. Besides, pets smell weird. I know they're God's creatures and I may need a pet for companionship someday, but this is not that day, so I'm ever so grateful for other people providing my children the opportunity to develop responsibility and caring for something outside themselves.

The first day of vacation always starts with room cleaning and yard work. Spring Break coincides perfectly with spring planting so our garden was a great place to start doing something.

We spent some time in the beautiful sunny weather and pulled the impressive amount of weeds that had appeared out of nowhere. Weed pulling always provides a plethora of analogies to life. "Look at these weeds growing even in the crack in the sidewalk. I should have so much hope and determination. We don't need to wait for only perfect conditions to live and grow. Just make the best of it and don't stop trying." "This weed explodes with seeds when it is touched. I should explode with love and positive energy when I come into contact with people." "Oh hey, peas that I planted last year that didn't germinate. They're growing now. I need to be patient. Good things happen in their own time." There's a weed in the lawn, there's another weed in the lawn. So many weeds in the lawn. Don't get so good at spotting weeds that you don't take time to be thankful for the beautiful green grass."

Of course I had my lists, but I have to say, these last two children don't need too much supervision. Paul had felled a tree and asked Gabe to stack the logs. Paul figured Gabe could work a little every day and have the task completed by the end of the week.  Well, Gabe likes to check things off his list, so there he was with the wheelbarrow, up and down the hill. As I watched this skinny (I mean totally buff) 15 yr.-old out the window, I would think, "Not too much longer and he'll quit."  A while later I would look out the window, there he was struggling to wheel the heavy logs to the pile. "That's going to be his last load," I would bet. Not so. He didn't quit until the whole job was done. I complimented him on his perseverance.  He shrugged and replied, "I like to get the hard jobs over with." That attitude will take you far, son.

Miss Rebecca had a plan to dominate her AP US History assignments.  This class is affectionately called APUSH. Rebecca likes to say it pushes you off the cliff. This week she decided to push back.  After jogging, doing my list, and playing a little basketball with Gabe, she sequestered herself in her room and on the computer.

She theorized," I know it looks like I'm not a fun person, but I'm investing in future social opportunities by sacrificing now." That's what I used to do in high school also. He he.

And then we played games and there was music and 50%-off  Easter candy. Day 1 was awesome.

I actually did not purchase this candy.  It was donated by a friend.

Day 2 was great like day 1. Paul went to work. (He's now working in Alpharetta for Acella.) There were yard jobs for Tuesday and all the other days.  They blend together in my mind, but I know the lawn got mowed and the pine needles were raked and moved to the flower beds. For fun, Gabe emptied our million legos onto blankets throughout the house and reconstructed Star Wars ships from internet instructions.

 I read a library book, and Rebecca worked on a choral composition. Rebecca is so cute. She always asks my opinion on her creations, and having oh so many opinions, I oblige. For a girl with so many opinions, I'm surprisingly ignorant. I say things like, "That last chord needs more notes." Rebecca explains that there are only 3 notes to the chord and more notes would just be octaves of the same. Of course I don't believe her. She smiles and thanks me for my help.

On Day 3 I decided that everyone could stay home if they wanted, but I would take a little trip to AL. I left this helpful note and was on my way.

My beautiful friend picked me up at the airport and we went straight to Bridge Street which always lifts the spirits. We walked and talked and of course went to Anthropologie.  That is the safest store in the world. With their prices, I am never, ever tempted to buy anything, but I am inspired to live life a little more beautifully and not forget to put on my apron when serving dinner on my amazing plates in my home that smells like a waterfall.

On to the next stores, I'm pretty proud of my discipline, I went into the grandest DSW store of my life and didn't buy one pair of shoes. Well, there was this one pair. If I'm still thinking about them next month I'll order them online. But, I made no purchases on Wednesday. We met another beautiful friend for lunch and we had the best time. I love those girls. After Bridge Street we went back to Cathy's house. She's a wonderful cook, and I miss how she used to give me food pep talks.  Mostly she would just talk to me about good food and that gave me courage.  Look what fun food is happening at the Larsen house right now.

A hot chocolate, herbal tea bar

And then I went home. This next picture is just in case you were worried about me walking through the Atlanta airport all alone.

Thursday came and my "Make better food" resolve combined with my "I ditched my family" guilt yielded a pretty awesome food day, if I may say so myself. .

Thursday started the realization that our spring break was fast coming to a close, so we feverishly did what we wanted...more of the same. I would like to note that I did do some cleaning this week. I loaded the dishes and this one time I was walking down the stairs and I swiped my hand across the ledge. A dust wad floated to the ground and I picked it up and threw it in the garbage. Bam.

Friday night kicked off the grand finale of spring break. We watched "Big Hero 6" and loved it so much. Saturday morning, Paul and I went to the temple. Note the perfect weather. That's because it was spring break finale.

Then we used our family planning skills to plan the family activity to end all family activities as our Spring Break Closer. After much creativity and discussion we came up with...(drum roll please) a family game of knockout.

 I'm telling ya, these kids are cheap dates. They called it though, it was a blast and then I finished my library book and Gabe cleaned up the Legos and watched "Granite Flats" and Paul watched "Hawaii 5-0" and Rebecca wrote the words to her choral piece.  Party at the Stokers.

My pathetic Easter was a great Easter.

Stoker Easter traditions have been spotty at best. I've written about my quest to find the perfect balance between eggs and the celebration of the most important event in the history of the world.With only 2 children at home and the youngest being 15 it was surprisingly easy to arrive on Easter Sunday without hunting, or coloring for that matter, any eggs. I'm not really proud that we skipped the coloring, and I only had a touch of regret about hunting when I saw Taylor and her brother giddily running around the yard. Y'all saw Taylor Swift's Easter video, right? There were no new dresses or ties or socks and that felt fine. We have lots of dresses and besides, this was a special Easter. This was one of the wonderful years that General Conference falls on Easter Sunday. That means we don't go to our regular Sunday meetings.  The Mormons throughout the world gather to screens with internet access in our churches, at home, or on our i-pads and watch 8 hours of inspired words over the course of 2 days by the Prophet and Apostles of the Savior Jesus Christ.

Like many people, we watched at home. We had our food spread on the table, Gabe had his puzzle and Legos ready.

He also took a few notes if anyone is wondering if he was excused from listening.

I had found an excellent Conference Bingo game online. However I had a hard time getting people excited about it. I kept winning, mostly because I was the only one trying. The game was so awesome. Who wouldn't want to play?

We sat comfortably around the living room and I was happy, because I'm a mom, and my family was gathered at home and we were learning about our Redeemer and how we could better show our love for him.

On Sunday morning, we did head over to the church.  That has been our Sunday General Conference tradition to remind us that it is the Sabbath. Now the children are old enough to know it's the Sabbath, but we still did it.  There was some conversation as to whether this was necessary. (Our couches were calling us.) I'm very glad we did, because the one thing you can count on when viewing conference at the church is missionaries. They don't have internet and they want to be there for anyone who comes to the church  to view the sessions. One of the elders is from Haiti. I knew that because when President Monson announced that a temple would be built in Haiti, this elder's joy could not be contained. He clapped his hands and laughed and fist pumped and laughed and didn't stop smiling the whole time. His excitement was contagious and tears stung my eyes as I watched him and felt what he felt.

I always take notes, even though I can read, view, and listen again at lds.org.  It gives me a head start on my long list of ways I need to improve and helps me remember insights that gave me clarity.  Here are a few of my notes:

Elder Boyd K. Packer: "The end of all activity in the church is to see that a man and woman are happy at home, sealed for time and all eternity." "When our physical bodies are healed there may be scars, but with our spiritual bodies, when the repentance process is complete, no scars remain."

Linda K. Burton: "Our hands are suited to each other but not exactly the same.  They are exact opposites yet they are strong together and fit perfectly. Men and women complete each other-not compete with each other."  Concerning our spouse we should Speak respectfully, sincerely praise, pray for each other, stop from saying hurtful things, apologize, and  choose to be happy rather than demanding. We should seek the help of the Holy Ghost in our relationships."

Dallin H. Oaks: "The good Samaritan used the same coinage to serve his fellow man that Judas used to betray Jesus. Avoid materialism."

L. Whitney Clayton: "Recognizing the Savior's spiritual light begins with our desire to believe. Belief doesn't just happen to us. It is something we choose. Our actions are evidence of our belief.  Do not give up, ever."

L. Tom Perry: "The older I get, the more I realize that family is the center of life." "He rarely moves the mountains in front of us, but he always helps us climb them."

David A. Bednar: "Godly fear dispels mortal fear. It dispels fear that we'll never be good enough. In truth we cannot be good enough.We are saved through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. We must love and trust Him."

Wilford W. Anderson: "If our children learn the dance steps without hearing the music, eventually they'll feel awkward and stop dancing." "Dissonance cannot be corrected by criticism. We must be patient and keep practicing."

D. Todd Christofferson: "Twas I, but tis not I." William Shakespeare "One of God's greatest gifts to us is the chance to try again. If we don't try we're latter-day sinners. If we don't persevere we're latter-day quitters. If we don't allow other to try we're latter-day hypocrites." A missionary was annoyed by his companion. As he prayed about it he received this impressions,"Compared to me, the 2 of you aren't all that different."

Michael T. Ringwood: "Great women and men are always more anxious to serve than to have dominion.

Sister Wixom: "Hold fast to what you already know and stand strong until more knowledge comes."

Bishop Gerard Causse: "Never tire of discovering or rediscovering the truths of the gospel.There is always something new in every meeting and every verse."

Brent H. Nielson: "Although we could not embrace all her choices, we could certainly embrace her."

Dieter F. Uchdorf: "Grace unlocks the gates of heavens and opens the windows of heaven." "Salvation can't be bought by obedience. It is bought with the blood of the Savior." "We obey out of love for Him." "Living the gospel faithfully is not a burden. It is a joyful rehearsal." "Grace is the gift. Obedience to th3e commandments is the reaching out our hands to receive the gift."

Robert D. Hales:"We must work to protect: 1. Freedom to believe. 2. Freedom to share faith and our belief with others. 3. Freedom to form a religious organization 4. Freedom to live our faith.

Kevin W. Pearson: "Enduring to the end is constantly coming unto Christ, and total commitment to the Savior and his covenants."

Neil L. Anderson: "May we prepare for His coming by hearing the events of Easter again and again."

Jorge Zeballis: "Men cannot rest with mediocrity as long as excellence is in our reach."

Russell M. Nelson: "Because of what I have heard and felt, how will I change?" "My conduct and attitude on the Sabbath constitutes a sign between me and the Father." "What sign will I give the Lord to show my love for Him?" "True believers keep the Sabbath Day holy."

Rebecca Stoker (daughter) "This music is true."

And we had Easter dinner with friends and the day was perfect.

I love cute people.

Since the snow had melted in Nebraska, it was time for me to plan a trip.  I owed my friend, Joyce Starr, a visit. I had anticipated frequent travel to the Omaha airport since my daughter and her family live very close and the ATL/OMA flights seem strangely uncrowded,  (This is the time that I knock on wood) but winter scared me. Spring brought warmer temps and new courage. It was promising to be a glorious Friday as I drove out of town leaving my responsibilities behind. I felt slightly guilty but was able to contain the feeling by convincing myself that I was serving other loved ones. (Mostly I was serving myself.) The day didn't disappoint. Travel went as planned (that never happens) and Joyce and her husband, Rich, picked me up, curbside.  They proceeded to spoil me with delicious food, including a stop at the chocolate factory, kindness and the great feeling of being with life-long friends.

In the evening, Joseph, Eliza and Hyrum came to join the party as did the Starr girls. The house felt full and joyful. Morning dawned with Joseph shopping for and fixing a delicious crepe breakfast for Joyce's birthday. There were a lot of cute people at the table, Hyrum was a runaway favorite, but for me, the cutest thing that was said was when Eliza was ruminating over rolls she had tried to make that hadn't risen all the way. Rich stepped in, "You've mentioned that event a couple of times. I want you to take that thought, put it in a bag, twirl it, and throw it in the trash." Thanks for that excellent advice.

That afternoon we went to Eliza and Joseph's house.  Driving around in the back seat with Hyrum allowed me to try out a song I'd learned for subbing.

On the second day, if I stopped singing, Hyrum would wave his authoritative little one-year-old hand so I would know to continue.  Not only is he cute, he has some impressive skills.  He can walk forward, but backward also if approached by a person that looks like they would be grabbing him for tickles or hugs.  He drinks from a cup and here's the amazing part....can put it down on the table without spilling. This unbiased Grandma was amazed.

As if this weekend of cuteness wasn't enough, on Monday and Tuesday I substituted in a Kindergarten class.  Okay, mother alert: Kindergartners are reading! Don't even think about sending your child to school without preparation in phonics and creative writing. I did spend some time writing words on a yellow sticky in response to the plentiful "How do you spell.....?" questions, but no more "letter-a-week and at the end of the year we'll dress like zebras." One boy was reading a "Magic Treehouse" book. He was not the norm, but still, wowie.

What they do still have in kindergarten, however is "nap time." And it's long--one hour.  Granted, kindergarten is all day, and about 5 little cuties slept. (Their moms probably wonder why their kids won't go to bed at night.) I walked around taking a survey as to how the nap was coming. This is what I found; one finger wiggler, one leg-crossed foot tapper, one child yawning and playing with the hinges on the cupboard.  Once student  watching the teacher, (definitely up to something) one fixing his glasses, one  hiding under her sleep mat who actually fell asleep eventually. One child had wrapped and velcroed his nap mat around his head. There is supposed to be no socializing, but two children discovered that even though their heads were at opposite ends of the room, if they lifted their middles, they could look under their legs and make eye contact.  I was impressed with their ingenuity so took a while to tell them to lie down. It felt like one of the longest hours of my life, so I can imagine how they felt, but an hour of silence definitely makes science looks good.

A very important part of public education is lining up and walking in a quiet line through the hall.  I'm always looking for tips as to how to succeed in this area. These kindergartners demonstrated a fantastic line-up strategy. When they're in line they raise their hands.  When every student has raised his hands, the teacher says, "One, two, three, four." The children put their hands down to their sides and call back, "five, six, seven, eight, we are quiet, we are straight!" I also learned about two excellent read-aloud books,. "The Book w/No Pictures" by Novak and "The Day the Crayons Quit" by Daywall. Very good reads. You're welcome.

And here are some cute things they said:  A little girl trying to line up, but full of exciting news shared "If you come tomorrow you'll see my dress. Guess what? My dress will be red." One little boy was trying to get psyched for his writing assignment, "So, let's put a name on this paper." We were learning about capacity in math and quarts and pints were mentioned. The light went on in one little guy's mind, "Like Chinese food!" At the end of the day the car riders were helping me clean up the room. One of my helpers said, "Let's have the strong one put the chairs on the desks. That's me."

So cute.