The trek west.

Sometimes, I decide to drive from GA to UT. I'll admit it sounds horrifying, but it was actually a lovely trip. I was taking that one girl to college and she had a lot of stuff, like musical instruments, that are hard to carry onto an airplane and besides, I didn't want to miss any of the beginning of "I'm going to BYU!" so it was an easy choice.

This is all old news as it happened a month ago, but I was kind of sad for awhile since I was down a child and didn't feel like blogging about it.  Here's something to look forward to for those of you who are younger than I am; the older I get the shorter my memory has become. This contributes to shorter sadness, anger, jealousy, hurt, pretty much any emotion, because I just kind of forget what the problem was. So I'm doing great now. It also makes for some interesting story telling. I forget things that really happened, think things happened that didn't and can just embellish away without purposely telling falsehoods. So many perks to aging.

When googling our route, google maps gave us first the bad news: It is a 27 hour drive. Then the good news: You can fly it in 3:55 hrs. for $330. I ignored their attempts to discourage me and took courage in the fact that I personally know at least 5 people who have made the drive and lived to tell about it. I reasoned that Rebecca and I could take turns driving, and we were taking 5 days to get there, so it would be fine.

Except for the fact that in order to fit everything in the car, Rebecca had a duffle at her feet and several bags and a pillow on her lap, it actually was fine. We just couldn't take turns driving, because no way was I going to sit in that spot with my knees to my chin, buried in snacks. Bring on the 27 hours of driving. Thanks for being brave, Rebecca

The fun thing about driving cross country is that everything's on our way. Why not stop in Iowa and see our cousins? So we drove through Chattanooga and Nashville. In St. Louis, I commented, "Don't we know someone here?" Rebecca answered, "Yes, your son moved here 2 weeks ago." I knew that.

New midwesterners. We will see them next time.

I love GPS. It has changed my life. Millers are pretty famous for spending a considerable amount of time lost. Now we can drive right to the door. No more multiple calls, unlosing our way and guiding us in. But I know GPS can have it's quirks. At about 9:00 pm Garmin told me to turn right. We then drove along a road with a river on our right and a sheer mountain cliff on our left. Definitely the scenic route, except it was dark and we couldn't see the scene. About 20 minutes later we were back on our original road. No explanations or apologies. Garmin acted as if nothing weird had happened. I still depended on GPS, but my trust became guarded and any suspicious directions were quickly backed up with a smart phone inquiry,which is still better than unfolding and refolding a new road map at every state border.

We arrived in Cedar Rapids, IA and spent 2 lovely days with my sister and her family.  Her youngest girls are the cousins Rebecca grew up with. They have had many great adventures together and made a music video recreating their childhood memories including making up dance routines, learning how to pump so there's no need for someone to push, swinging and kicking their flip flops over the telephone wire, and other games on the swing set. They reminisced about playing in and eating the sand and that one time when the shower nozzle broke and Gwen had to hold it for Rebecca. There was dress-up and make believe in the basement, surprising unsuspecting (more like totally suspecting) family members with their whoopee cushion placement, spying, tea parties, and the "Parent Trap" handshake.The final memories were of Rebecca driving off and the cousins waiting for and receiving a letter.  Good times, good times.

And this darling song:

My sister showed me some cool apps that I shouldn't be without, the best educational TV, and she demonstrated that people who quilt and do handwork all the time have way better memories than those who spend their spare time on facebook. And she took us to the Brucemore garden show which was very fun in the cool, overcast, where's the humidity? weather.

The next leg of our trip was a breezy 4 hour drive to Omaha, NE where our other daughter lives. As a bonus, some family friends were also trekking west so obviously drove through Omaha, NE. We all went out for Mexican food (Thanks John) and enjoyed watching the newly returned SoCal missionary from Alabama speak Spanish like a pro.

I had lived in Lincoln, NE for 8.5 years and never made it to the Kanesville, Tabernacle in Council Bluffs, IA. As luck would have it, it was on our way to church so...Bucket List!!!

The third and final leg of our journey was the beast. I-80 goes through the entire state of the beloved, friendly, flat and very cornfieldy state of NE. For awhile it was a treat to see for miles with nary a forest or hill to block the view. Soon, that ceased to be exciting, but lucky for the midwest they have this yummy little  fast-food restaurant called, Runza. It's famous for award winning hamburgers, but their signature bierocks (Runzas) are what make them special. It was bucket list time for Rebecca. She actually didn't know about Runza, so I put it on her bucket list for her.

An interesting phenomena on I-80, other than Cabella's in Sidney, NE, is how, compared to the cornfields in NE, the rock formations in Eastern Wyoming are downright
breathtaking. It's all about perspective I suppose. The car functioned perfectly and all was well. There was a time, however, in the middle of WY with no cellphone reception  or signs of civilization, that I realized that a flat tire would be a very inconvenient event. I had a short burst of anxiety, a "We're gonna die!" moment and then I was good.

 One travel game that we enjoyed is called, "See how long it takes the lowlander "Doritos" to explode as we increase our altitude." We decided when it happened we'd eat them. Guess what? We won!

We arrived in UT to the welcome of this dear friend and her family who's company I always enjoy. We were treated like royalty, entertained with lovely conversation and fed yummy blueberry bread. I washed my clothes which needed to happen since the car wasn't filled with MY stuff. I kept everything in the carry on which I would use on the return flight.

It's fun to take my children to the special place that is UT. Little southern girl commented as we drove by a church, "Hey it's not Baptist." Being part of the majority religion in the region is a shock for the members of our family. And, although we live in the peach state, we have never actually seen peach orchards. On this banner day in August, our destination was Brigham City. When we saw the peach orchards and our first peach stand I thought I needed to stop because we had happened upon a rare find. The reality was that fresh peaches were plentiful. On that day, I had peach shortcake, a fresh peach and almost had a peach milkshake, but I talked myself out of it on account of the wedding food consumption of the day which was delicious.

The reason we were in Brigham City was that this beautiful niece got married. Can I tell you there are few things more joyful than being in the temple with family, especially family that I don't get to see very often? After the beautiful wedding, the luncheon. After the luncheon, taking time with sisters and nieces to catch a show at the downtown theatre which was showing...(Bucket list drum roll) "Once There was a Beehive." I'd been dreaming of seeing it, but being a GA resident, felt like the odds were not in my favor. But Brigham City, UT was of course showing the comedy and feel good movie depicting a Catholic girl who finds herself  at a Mormon girl's camp...laughs, tears, it was all that I dreamed of.

After all that driving and playing and visiting, reality made its appearance. It was time to drop baby girl off at the BYU, the place where dreams come true, especially if your dreams include lots of studying. It was fun to have my brother, Charlie, and Son and daughter-in-law, Aaron and Clarissa, there to help with the move in.  Actually, I couldn't help but be excited for her. I have a list of all the things she should do, or maybe she has her own list, but either way, so much to do. Just being close to the mountains is thrilling to a southern girl. And how fortuitous that BYU football is gonna be great this year. The list goes on.

I got to visit with my parents in Manti for a little bit. Charlie (my brother) and his wife Meg live in Lehi now, so I loved seeing them. (Thanks for housing me and feeding me.) My niece, Amy, just moved to Provo this summer. Andrew is going to school at UVU and I got to hang out with his cute self. The Rees family did so much to help the Stoker family and they were in the middle of wedding prep. It was fun being with them again. Who knew Utah is such a happening place?

No pictures of Mom and Dad this time, but I did want to capture how Dad likes to combine art with nature.

Oh, but she's not in UT anymore. Utah's loss

This little miss moved to CA with her mommy and daddy right before I got to town.

And then I came home and everyone was still alive. Add me to the list of the people who have driven from GA to UT and lived to tell about it.

The do's and don'ts of sending a child off into the sunset aka college, mission, military etc.

Like many moms in the world, I just had a baby leave the nest. The angels who are in charge of counting tears have their work cut out for them.. There were already the military mom tears, the missionary mom tears, the "I'm off to seek my fortune" mom tears, and now add the millions of Fall Semester college freshmen mom tears, and we have a situation. This is not my first college freshman, nor my first college freshman post, but apparently I'm not done crying about it. My friend and I laugh, painfully, about the year our first daughters went away. I kept asking her if she was ready and she kept reassuring me that it would only be a blip. I wondered what was wrong with me. It had never felt like a blip before, more like 8.0 on the Richter scale. A couple of months later, my friend confessed, she was just trying to be optimistic. Actually her world was rocked. No blip.

So here are some rules to try and minimize the damage from the giant hit to the heart moms take when their children grow up.

1. Don't look at pictures of  your baby when he/she was a baby and ask yourself, "Where did the time go?" or "How could this have happened so fast?" or "Did I hug them enough, teach them enough, appreciate them enough?"

The time actually didn't go by that fast. We just have a bad memory. Some of those days were kind of long, remember? And you loved them as much as you could with what you knew at the time. But God loved them enough, and still does. Trust Him.

2. Don't go into their room and sit, and miss them, and feel the gone-ness.

It's great if there is a younger sibling to take over quickly, redecorate, and fill the emptiness with new. If you do not have that option, just keep the door shut for awhile until the memories start to fade and you need a refresher and can withstand the sweet sadness.

3. When you hear beautiful music or experience something your missing child would love, don't ugly cry. It makes people feel awkward. Just think of the toothpaste your child left in the sink or the overflowing garbage can in their bedroom. That thought will get you through the moment so you can find a quiet place to do the crazy, weeping mother thing.

4. Don't bore the people who knew that child with constant recollections of their amazingness. The mutual connections are comforting and there's a temptation to reminisce, a lot, but believe me when I say that the not-the-parents will move on a lot faster than the parents. You may get lucky, and someone may ask about your child. If that happens, hold on tiger. They don't want to know EVERYTHING. Usually they just want to know that said child is doing fine and is not engaged yet.

5. Don't feel hurt if your child does not seem to miss you as much as you miss them. They have no empty bedroom to walk by. They are not in a place where there are memories of you everywhere. They have not been thinking about how to solve your problems as much as they have been thinking about how to solve their own problems for the last 18 years. As many mothers have attested, "The happier they are. The less they call."

6. Don't think about what they are doing this minute. Another manifestation of this "don't" is memorizing their class schedule, googling their apartment, their daily route and surrounding areas. Don't Facebook stalk their new friends more than once. All these behaviors make time go by very slowly. This is no way to live if you want to feel like you will see them again soon.

7. And the last "don't." Don't think I haven't gained this knowledge the hard way. 

Here are the "do's".

1. Do picture your child as they are now: a capable adult with skills, knowledge and experience that they will build on through the next exciting phase of their life.

2. Do recognize that the time for learning at home, safe, with you, is over. This new phase of learning will amaze you. The next time you see them they will be sharing new data and adventures that will impress and entertain you. It's time for some new stories, don't you think?

3. Do be thankful for what happens in the family. Those younger siblings that lived in the shadow of the oldest at home, blossom and lead and become what they couldn't now that they have more light and aren't shaded by the older sibling tree.

4. Do adjust the grocery list. You may not need to buy greek yogurt or "Honey Bunches of Oats" or quinoa anymore.  

5. Do fill the empty spaces of life with goodness. Learn, serve, improve. Our child wants to hear amazing, entertaining stories from us too.

6. Develop a healthy, not demanding or hovering or needy, relationship with your adult child who will be bringing honor, education, faith, skill, in-laws and grandchildren to the family in the promising future.

7. Do love every season. Just like I don't go out and hold the leaves to the branches so they don't fall off (even though I'd like to sometimes). I can't hold my child back from the growth and improvement that can be theirs if I happily encourage them to move to the next step in their beautiful life.

As my daughter and I were driving across the state of IA we found a radio station that was playing hits from the decades. I was delighted when many of the songs were from the late 70's. I was car dancing and singing loud, "There's gonna be a heartache tonight." She hadn't heard the song before and asked, "Are you sure it's not 'There's gonna be a party tonight?" Since I'm bad at lyrics I questioned and looked it up. It was "heartache," but she had a point, sometimes it sounded like party. As I thought about that afternoon I realized  it was apropos that as we were driving her to UT, I was singing, "There's gonna be a heartache tonight," and she was singing, "There's gonna be a party tonight."

Anyway, have a party, little girl, with your roommates and cute Mormon boys in Calculus and BYU football and chorale class and learning and developing and your momma cheering you on.

PS. If you have a missionary I want to share a story. I remember sobbing as I secretly watched my son all the way through security. Two years later he came home a man, a righteous, shining, changed man. I could almost hear God saying, "Look what I've done with your boy."