I spent a delightful hour on the phone the other night. I was talking to a friend I hadn't talked to for years. The best part about it was the feeling that, as they say, we'd never been apart. This is not the first time it's happened, but it just brought me so much happiness. I came to this conclusion, I love friends.
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| Wess, Me, Dad, Susie, Allen, Evelyn |
The first friend I remember was Wess. I was probably 3 or 4 when our parents moved to Wolsey Ct. in Portland OR to attend Dental School. We had some great times roller skating on the cracked sidewalks between the duplexes, digging to China in the sand under the swings, making quicksand (I learned about it from Tarzan) in the sand under the swings, and fighting. I was still learning how to be a friend. Just like now. I don't remember why we fought. He probably wouldn't let me have my way, but we would kick and hit, and pull hair and then we'd play again the next day.
When my family lived in Corvallis, OR my friends were the Johnsons. They had some sisters. We had some sisters. When my mom assigned my sisters and I to clean the garage, the Johnson girls would come over. We'd all play in the dress-ups until the final moment when we'd hurriedly attempt to make it look like we'd been cleaning. They were a bit better at cleaning than we were, so they saved us. One summer Kris Johnson and I played Monopoly, Life or Yahtzee every day. We were in my room playing Yahtzee one day ,and the dice went under the bed. I thought she should get it, because she rolled it. She thought I should get it because I was closer. No one budged. She went home and I stayed mad for a week. I realized it wasn't fun to be mad. I wanted to be with my friend, and then we played again.
My memories of sweet friends are some of my fondest. My memories of my struggling to be a good friend are some of my most embarrassing, but I like to remember so that I won't let stubbornness, or anger, or harsh judgement keep me from having friends. John Steinbeck said love "Is an outpouring of everything good in you--of kindness and consideration and respect--not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable."
Friends have saved me. New mom friends talked to me and listened to me and shared husband and crying baby and tantruming toddler stories to let me know my life was normal. They taught me how to craft and decorate and shop and laugh even when no one had enough sleep or money.
When I was in my thirties my friends shared stories of children getting lost in stores or escaping from the house and walking through the neighborhood naked. This helped me feel like I wasn't such a bad mom. When my friends shared their heartache of infertility I prayed for their heart's desire to be granted and forgiveness for my impatience with my house full of wild and wonderful kids.
Friends with teenagers and I would reassure each other. Yes, it's normal for teenagers to be embarrassed by their parents. Yes, dating is trouble. Someday they'll love their family as much as their friends again, and God loves them more than we do so don't worry. We're not alone in this project.
Sometimes my friends save me by just being themselves. I know I need to do better, but sometimes I just don't know what to do about it. Then I'll observe a friend who always speaks positively about everyone, or cooks with wheat flour, or doesn't buy what they don't need , or greets everyone with a hug and a smile.
Then there are the friends that are angels in my life. I have a friend that has visited me in every state I've lived in since I left her. I have a friend who told me I could go to Japan by myself and to not be afraid. I have a friend that called me when I was really in trouble because she felt like she should. I have a friend that I called crying more than once. I have friends that have walked and talked and walked and talked until I wasn't depressed anymore. I have friends who tell me I'm normal and to just hold the course until I make it home.
