A sweet little payday.

We all know we aren't in this parenting thing for the money, or really any reward other than to have people we love to hang out with in this world and the next. I know that "When you're helping, you're happy" so I  go along washing clothes, making food, cleaning stuff--the normal party every day.

But last week I got the sweetest thank you that just melted my heart. My #4 son was visiting and just being an all around gem-- He was helping me move cars around as we had them parked all over the cul-de-saq to aid in the removal of some trees. After moving  #9 son's car he said, "I looked down at a scrap of paper in the passenger seat and saw a 'Mom map.' I got sentimental as I remembered the 'Mom maps' that got me all around town in high school. Those were good maps."

When that child remembered with gratitude a small thing I had done for him, I thought I would burst with love and happiness. I guess it's because it was a little evidence that my Mom life made a difference.

That's all. I just wanted everyone to know that being a mom is a really important job.

I'm pretty sure that if I worry enough my children will never fall short or be unhappy or make a wrong choice.

II"M PRETTY SURE THAT IF I WORRY ENOUGH MY CHILDREN WILL NEVER FALL SHORT OR BE UNHAPPY OR MAKE THE WRONG CHOICE.

I must believe this because why else would I continue to expend so much energy in areas I cannot control? Well, I try and control them, but more accurately, I have a certain amount of influence which should, under ideal circumstances, be diminishing since my children are mostly of the young adult variety.

                                                   What I think is happening:

What my children think is happening.  (Actually sometimes this happens)

What is really happening

I've tried to be brave and wear a casual front. I encourage trying new things and following dreams and inspiration. I want my children to be themselves and expect them to explore their unique gifts. I say, "Go have an adventure!" and I mean it. But my mind and heart are constantly thinking of them. I find myself trying to picture them in their spaces, hoping they're safe and content and kind and loved and honest and faithful. I have a life of my own. I sure do. I just haven't had my brain to myself for 36 years. That's fine except my brain space should represent my home space. 8 of my 9 children live outside my home, you'd think they'd be living outside my head also. A mother's love is a powerful tether.

About 20 years ago my 21- year- old brother and I were driving to the zoo in the neighboring city. He was driving my car so I could care for the children buckled into the back seats. I thought I was pretty relaxed, but then my brother asked me a question just as we were going around a ramped curve. I said, "Wait until we get past this part of the road." He laughed at me and asked if I thought it would make a difference in our safety if  I didn't stop the conversation to worry. I dismissed his ridiculous comment and assumption with a defensive statement, further proving how wrong he was. I have remembered that moment to this day. So now I admit, I do think my worrying improves everyone's safety. We didn't crash, by the way.

My worrying improves safety in the way I have chest pains when I wake up in the morning if someone I love is in spiritual, academic, social, emotional or physical peril. It improves safety in the way I ask stressful questions packed with fear to make sure everyone is on the same level of worry that I am. It improves safety in the way that my view of a hopeful and bright future is dimmed by my hyper-focus on the storm, trials and danger ahead. I guess this all adds up to my worrying improving safety not at all.

Yesterday when I was reading my scriptures I smiled as I read a familiar verse which stops me with its relevance every time. Jacob 4:18 ..."if I do not, by any means, get shaken from my firmness in the Spirit, and stumble because of my over anxiety for you." Apparently a person can be shaken from firmness in the Spirit if they are over anxious for people they care about. That doesn't sound very safe.

In church this past weekend, the teacher shared this quote that her mother had heard from Elder Robert C. Gay in Stake Conference in Tulsa, OK, "Your child has a Savior and it's not you." When I heard this I paused, and my heart began to expand and become free from it's tightly wound vigil. I not only can't save my children. I'm not supposed to. They have to choose. They have to learn. They have to turn to the One with power to save, lift, heal, magnify, and exalt.

I'm not supposed to be driving my older children's car on their life's journey. I'm not even riding in the back seat. I picture my job as standing on the side of the road with 2 signs, one with a heart so they know I love them, and one with an arrow pointing up.

My last child received his driver's license this summer.

We started the driver's education process with him studying the road rules and then taking the written test so he could procure his driver's permit. Then we had him drive slowly, very slowly around the parking lot. The next task was to drive from cul-de-saq to cul-de-saq in the neighborhood, once again very slowly. I educated him on staying in his lane and not hitting mailboxes and slowing for turns and preserving the lives of pedestrians. Next we went out on the open road with increased speed. He became the main driver to seminary, but I always backed the car out of our dangerous, slanted and curved driveway. It takes a miracle to avoid our menacing mailbox. He drove to Augusta on the GA interstate which was an exhausting and intense experience for all of us. He practiced parallel parking and backing into the parking lot and was finally ready for the driver's test. He is now a legal GA driver. But there was more for me to do. I had to actually get out of the car and trust him, even backing out of our driveway. So one night I told him to drive himself to the youth activity at church. I nonchalantly handed over the keys and said see you later. OK, I actually said, "Text me when you get there."  But, he got there and hit no mailboxes, because he is a capable, problem solving, teachable human. And when that's not enough, he is loved and watched over by heaven.

Trust is a Christ-like quality. He trusts us with agency and life and the ability to progress. As a mother my stewardship is to protect and love and educate and when the time is right, get out of the car. I can trust in the Savior and His plan and I can also trust my children to get to their final destination.They will probably scratch their car, have a flat tire, make a wrong turn, be lost for a while, maybe even totally wreck. But that's how we learn to drive. I gave them the best directions I could. I can worry if I want, but they won't be safer so I'll just drive my own car. They're in good hands.

Homework time...Noooo!

So as one would expect, I've spent a fair amount of time involved in overseeing my children's homework. It's safe to say that it ranks right up there with swimming lessons and band booster meetings on the enjoyment scale. No offense to swim teachers, but after dragging 9 kids to what they perceived as their certain soggy death and watching from the side as they clung to the pool's edge and their teacher's necks to avoid putting their face in the lethal water. I just don't have it in me anymore. Yes, I did it, and yes they can all swim. But it was painful.  Band booster meetings speak for themselves, amiright?

The way I see it, in 3.5 short years I will never have to help with homework again. We've come so far already. According to my supremely accurate calculations I have called words for 300 spelling test practices, I have been the whip-cracker and supply supplier for 24 dioramas, I have quizzed from hundreds of study guides on American History, Georgia State History, West Virginia State History, Kansas History, Nebraska History and World History. I have practiced English vocabulary, Spanish vocabulary and Latin Vocabulary. I have explained math skills up until about 5th grade when my abilities do not equal the task at hand. (Sorry, progeny.) So what I am trying to say is my enthusiasm may be waning a bit.

A couple of Saturdays ago, my 15 year old, who's excitement for homework matches if not surpasses
mine in the negative energy level, warned me that he would be working on a paper and would need my help.  We blocked out the appropriate amount of time-10 hours for 500-700 words. This included snacks and other avoidance activities, time for whining and complaining and throwing oneself on the floor (both of us, but not simultaneously) and went to work. The only way to start an unpleasant assignment is with a grumpy attitude which we both amply provided. He started by telling me how stupid the assignment and how mean his teacher was. I driveled on with my "The only way out of it is through it," "You can do hard things," No matter what you do in life, you'll need to be able to write," "This paper won't write itself." Then we got down to business.

 After informing me of how much his English teacher hated her students and wanted them to suffer, he explained the assignment. At that moment I realized how much his English teacher loved her students and tried to make the assignment relevant and enjoyable. He was to choose a "Life Law" from a quote by which he could live. Then he was to write about an experience from his life where he learned about or demonstrated that "Life Law."

His chosen quote was, "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime." The experience he wrote about was camping. He related how afraid he was on his first camp out. He relied solely on his dad for survival. Slowly he learned how to put up his own tent, build a fire and cook. Eventually he went on a boy scout camp out without his dad and became one of the helpers instead of just a helpee.

What began as an intense, lets-get-this-over-with, Saturday to-do, evolved into an enjoyable sharing of feelings, experiences and tips for using more words to get your count up.  I started with a high, heavy hand, but as I remembered the pressure of writing to a minimum and maximum word standard on a predetermined topic with a deadline, I empathized and softened and disclosed my dubious essay writing beginnings.  He smiled when I suggested using "will not" instead of "won't." I recanted when I remembered that English teachers spot that old trick a mile away. On his own he thought of using "less fast" instead of "slower" (that's my boy). I impressed him with my knowledge of the word counting ability on the computer. We laughed together when we discussed the difficulty of writing a proper conclusion. I confessed that I once talked a class-mate into concluding with, "I can't really think of a conclusion for this essay so 'the end." My friend received a less than stellar grade with a red pen comment by the teacher, and I have to live with the guilt into eternity.

And then it was over. Two hours down and we had a big fat check on our list. There were 8 hours of Saturday left, and I realized that this homework assignment was some of the best bonding that had happened since there were unwatched episodes of "The Flash" on Netflix.

So I guess these homework years need to be recognized for what they are; opportunities for me to work shoulder to shoulder with my children; a chance to help with what I know, commiserate with what I don't know; develop my googlizing skills, and laugh a little bit about the struggles of being human. I recognize that my best little children friends have mostly gone out the door and won't it be funny when I'm on facebook in 3.5 years saying, "I'm bored. I wish I had someone at my house that needed help with some homework."

The do's and don'ts of sending a child off into the sunset aka college, mission, military etc.

Like many moms in the world, I just had a baby leave the nest. The angels who are in charge of counting tears have their work cut out for them.. There were already the military mom tears, the missionary mom tears, the "I'm off to seek my fortune" mom tears, and now add the millions of Fall Semester college freshmen mom tears, and we have a situation. This is not my first college freshman, nor my first college freshman post, but apparently I'm not done crying about it. My friend and I laugh, painfully, about the year our first daughters went away. I kept asking her if she was ready and she kept reassuring me that it would only be a blip. I wondered what was wrong with me. It had never felt like a blip before, more like 8.0 on the Richter scale. A couple of months later, my friend confessed, she was just trying to be optimistic. Actually her world was rocked. No blip.

So here are some rules to try and minimize the damage from the giant hit to the heart moms take when their children grow up.

1. Don't look at pictures of  your baby when he/she was a baby and ask yourself, "Where did the time go?" or "How could this have happened so fast?" or "Did I hug them enough, teach them enough, appreciate them enough?"

The time actually didn't go by that fast. We just have a bad memory. Some of those days were kind of long, remember? And you loved them as much as you could with what you knew at the time. But God loved them enough, and still does. Trust Him.

2. Don't go into their room and sit, and miss them, and feel the gone-ness.

It's great if there is a younger sibling to take over quickly, redecorate, and fill the emptiness with new. If you do not have that option, just keep the door shut for awhile until the memories start to fade and you need a refresher and can withstand the sweet sadness.

3. When you hear beautiful music or experience something your missing child would love, don't ugly cry. It makes people feel awkward. Just think of the toothpaste your child left in the sink or the overflowing garbage can in their bedroom. That thought will get you through the moment so you can find a quiet place to do the crazy, weeping mother thing.

4. Don't bore the people who knew that child with constant recollections of their amazingness. The mutual connections are comforting and there's a temptation to reminisce, a lot, but believe me when I say that the not-the-parents will move on a lot faster than the parents. You may get lucky, and someone may ask about your child. If that happens, hold on tiger. They don't want to know EVERYTHING. Usually they just want to know that said child is doing fine and is not engaged yet.

5. Don't feel hurt if your child does not seem to miss you as much as you miss them. They have no empty bedroom to walk by. They are not in a place where there are memories of you everywhere. They have not been thinking about how to solve your problems as much as they have been thinking about how to solve their own problems for the last 18 years. As many mothers have attested, "The happier they are. The less they call."

6. Don't think about what they are doing this minute. Another manifestation of this "don't" is memorizing their class schedule, googling their apartment, their daily route and surrounding areas. Don't Facebook stalk their new friends more than once. All these behaviors make time go by very slowly. This is no way to live if you want to feel like you will see them again soon.

7. And the last "don't." Don't think I haven't gained this knowledge the hard way. 

Here are the "do's".

1. Do picture your child as they are now: a capable adult with skills, knowledge and experience that they will build on through the next exciting phase of their life.

2. Do recognize that the time for learning at home, safe, with you, is over. This new phase of learning will amaze you. The next time you see them they will be sharing new data and adventures that will impress and entertain you. It's time for some new stories, don't you think?

3. Do be thankful for what happens in the family. Those younger siblings that lived in the shadow of the oldest at home, blossom and lead and become what they couldn't now that they have more light and aren't shaded by the older sibling tree.

4. Do adjust the grocery list. You may not need to buy greek yogurt or "Honey Bunches of Oats" or quinoa anymore.  

5. Do fill the empty spaces of life with goodness. Learn, serve, improve. Our child wants to hear amazing, entertaining stories from us too.

6. Develop a healthy, not demanding or hovering or needy, relationship with your adult child who will be bringing honor, education, faith, skill, in-laws and grandchildren to the family in the promising future.

7. Do love every season. Just like I don't go out and hold the leaves to the branches so they don't fall off (even though I'd like to sometimes). I can't hold my child back from the growth and improvement that can be theirs if I happily encourage them to move to the next step in their beautiful life.

As my daughter and I were driving across the state of IA we found a radio station that was playing hits from the decades. I was delighted when many of the songs were from the late 70's. I was car dancing and singing loud, "There's gonna be a heartache tonight." She hadn't heard the song before and asked, "Are you sure it's not 'There's gonna be a party tonight?" Since I'm bad at lyrics I questioned and looked it up. It was "heartache," but she had a point, sometimes it sounded like party. As I thought about that afternoon I realized  it was apropos that as we were driving her to UT, I was singing, "There's gonna be a heartache tonight," and she was singing, "There's gonna be a party tonight."

Anyway, have a party, little girl, with your roommates and cute Mormon boys in Calculus and BYU football and chorale class and learning and developing and your momma cheering you on.

PS. If you have a missionary I want to share a story. I remember sobbing as I secretly watched my son all the way through security. Two years later he came home a man, a righteous, shining, changed man. I could almost hear God saying, "Look what I've done with your boy."

121 things that really make your child's summer happier.

Remember school? Homework, permission slips, dioramas, making lunches, finding shoes, notes about overdue library books, schedules, bus stops, bedtimes, tests, spelling words, forgotten band instruments, essays? I'm starting to sweat as I remember my life last week. Obviously, I'm happy that it's over for a bit, but I always forget that we were used to that schedule. Our brains and bodies knew how to do it, and now it's gone and we have to remind ourselves how to live in summer. All this free time puts me in a bit of a panic, so I'm reviewing the elements of summer mental health. Of course we want to relax and have some adventures, but the advantages of opposition can never be underestimated.

Here are the parenting truths that must be considered when planning June and July: 1.Relaxation is enjoyed most when preceded by hard work. 2. Confidence comes from doing hard things. 3. Boredom fosters creativity...wait for it. 5. You have valuable lessons to teach your children. 6. Variety is important, so is routine. 7. Use both negative consequences and rewards in your summer program. They're both part of life. (I give the kids a treat if they read a Newberry award book. Video game time can be increased with more reading time. There are no privileges until the list is completed.) 8.Whoever has the plan, has the power.

My best summers start with a fun Memorial Day activity followed by a whip-cracking, list making, set the standard, hard-working Tuesday. There should be lots of complaining from the children because that means your family's normal. Mom and Dad get to decide what jobs need to be done, what school skills maintained and what life lessons will be taught. Children also should have input on ways they would like to help and what goals they have for themselves. Every family gets to choose what they want on their list, but here are ideas from the Stoker house to get your wheels turning.

Life skills:                        
1. Learn 3 new hairstyles for school from Youtube.
2. Check the oil in the car.
3. Try a new recipe-main dish, salad, dessert, vegetable.
4. Have a theme day with food, costumes and activities: Star Wars, Harry                                                 Potter, Lord of the Rings, Pirates of the Carribean, Foreign Country,region...
5. Learn a new trick on the trampoline
6. Practice an instrument every day
7. Keyboarding every day. (Type the constitution, or favorite speech a little at a time.)
8. Sew a pillow case
9. Shop for groceries and compare prices. Have the child self check-out the purchases with parent help.
10. Shop at goodwill
11. Make jam
12. Can fruit
13. Dehydrate fruit
14. Listen to Dave Ramsey or Suze Orman and make a financial plan
15. Improve your running time
16. Do 8 minute abs every day
17. Learn to carve, (can carve with soap) draw, paint,
18. Learn origami
19. Learn the Rubiks cube
20. Paint a room or a door
21. Design landscaping for a small area. Plant and maintain.
22. Learn to waltz or swing dance (Youtube)
23. Have an etiquette dinner.
24. Try on clothes. Identify the assets and ditch the liabilities (too small, too worn, never cute, etc.)
25. Shine shoes.
26. Practice telephone skills.
27. Prepare resume and interview for a job (Can be with Mom or Dad)
28. Do push-ups and pull-ups.
29. Learn to write a check and why it's like money.
30. Learn about insurance.
31. Keep a food diary for a week. Add up calories. Identify food groups and nutritional value.

Strengthen family:              
1. Heart attack family members door with compliments and notes of                                                          encouragement.
2. Write letters to grandparents, etc.
3. Surprise family member with service.
4. Share highs and lows at the dinner and lunch table
5. Big brother/Big Sister jobs-have older siblings teach younger. They can help with the academic items on their younger sibling's list They can teach a sibling how to ride a bike, make cookies, work a Rubiks cube, or whatever skill they have to share.
6. Type personal history.
7. Interview grandparents and type up the information and share with family.
8. Make up a family history game with fun facts about ancestors.
9. Make a spotlight poster about sibling. Share at dinner and display.
          
Outside jobs for younger children:
1. Water plants in pots
2. Sweep porch
3. Wash car mirrors
4. Gather trash from car and bring in toys, water bottles, etc.
5. Pull weeds in designated area
6. Wash mailbox
7. Pick up pokey balls from under the tree (or whatever else has dropped)
8. Wash bikes, trikes
9. Wash outside doors
10. Pick up litter

Inside jobs for younger children:
1. Shake rugs
2. Fold wash cloths
3. Dust piano bench and end tables
4. Wash outside of refrigerator, stove, dishwasher
5. Gather rugs to be washed, shake kitchen rugs
6. Sharpen pencils
7. Sort legos into colors
8. Gather pencils, pens, crayons that have found their way into random places.
9. Put away knives and forks
10. Shut all closet doors and cupboards in the house
11. Turn off lights in empty rooms
12. Pick up dead bugs with a spoon and put in paper cup to throw away. (Unless they have a tendency to eat unknown items.)
 13. Set table for lunch

Spiritual well-being for younger children:
1. Say Prayers
2. Repeat a short scripture or uplifting quote until it is memorized
3. Draw a picture for a missionary
4. Listen to a Bible story and act it out for family night

Academic younger      
1. Write alphabet
2. Draw pictures that start with letter of the day
3. Write 5 words that rhyme with at, it, etc.
4.  Make a yellow picture out of yellow items, next day red, etc.
5. Count the stairs/lights/chairs/ etc. in the house.
6. Make a "solve a problem" page by gluing beans under the number of a problem or just a number depending on age.
7. Play "What shape am I thinking of?" Child draws the shape that he thinks the                                      leader is thinking of.

Outside jobs older:      
1. Mow lawn
2. Trim bushes
3. Wash car/vacuum car
4. Spread mulch
5. Weed garden
6. Wash patio furniture etc. with bleach/water solution
7. Pump up flat balls
8. Sweep cobwebs in garage
9. Spray siding/windows
10. Organize garage one section at a time-camping stuff, sports equipment, lawn and garden etc.
11. Fill up water balloons for afternoon fun.
12. Check air in bike tires
13. Sweep and spray off walkway.
14. Wash out garbage bins after garbage day.

Inside jobs for older children:            
1. Sweep/mop floor
2. Vacuum house including stairs
3. Wash railing on stairs and walls going down the stairs.
4. Clean out refrigerator
5. Organize freezer (Wear winter gloves)
6. Check expiration date on canned food items
7. Organize food pantry
8. Organize books: fiction-alphabetically by author non-fiction by topic
9. Gather Newberry award winning books and put in chronological order
10. Delete duplicate pictures on computer and organize into folders
11. Research the best clothes folding techniques on Youtube. Train the family and everyone fold clothes in the new and improved way.
12. Clean and vacuum under beds
13. Sort old toys and donate to a shelter or have a neighborhood toy sale.
14. Organize kitchen cupboards
15. Organize board games (find pieces) and get rid of  incomplete games.
16. Wash trim throughout the house.
17. Clean the blinds.
18. Scrub bathtub/shower and toilet.
19. Organize digital pictures and files

Academic jobs for older children:
1. Mad minute in addition, subtraction, multiplication, division.
2. Read-minimum amount per day. Everyone has to have a book.
3. Write in cursive every day. Read notes from mom in cursive.
4. Memorize doctrinal mastery scriptures or poem or preamble.
5. Take practice ACT tests.
6. Make power points.
7. Take personality tests or career interest tests. (They are free online.)

Spiritual well-being for older children:
1. Pray
2. Read scriptures every day. (Old testament is the course of study in seminary this year.)
3. Write in journal. Share feelings and belief in God
4. Listen to uplifting music and talks
5. Plan a lesson for the family night. Topics may include honesty, obedience, forgiveness, love, generosity,..
6. Fill out booklet on Family Search.
7. Make bios on ancestors.
8. Index
                                      

Service:                                
1. Make and share treats with neighbors.
2. Volunteer at community food shelters
3. Help provide lunch for people at a Ronald McDonald House
4. Babysit for moms going to the doctor
5. Help at the schools
6.Take advantage of  opportunities in your church and other reputable organizations
7. Pick up litter at favorite park.

Fun: Once your children have finished working on their lists, and it's time to play, they'll be much better at it, and if they aren't they can do a little more work. I usually have a day off on Thursday for outings, yard sales, swimming, whatever. And of course sometimes we ditch the routine and take a road trip, but we are all happier doing nothing after we've done something.

                     

So you have a little boy.

If you are the mother of a son or sons you are probably feeling very blessed, but maybe a little confused and slightly overwhelmed. Just like Dads need to use their imagination to understand their daughters, it may take a while to "get" the male brain-a while as in years and years-but here are some secrets to help you break the code.

1. Boys like explosions. Here are some examples of real life explosions. Brother sits behind sister in double stroller. He isn't even old enough to talk but reaches out and pulls her hair. She screams. He smiles. He reaches out and pulls her hair again. She screams...repeat. Mom wonders why little brother would be so mean. He is not mean. He's bored. Did you see that awesome sister explosion when her hair got pulled? Mission accomplished.  Little boy takes the cereal box and pours it all on the floor. Mom starts to yell and then catches herself to use her best parenting skills to talk about motives, consequences, etc. On the next day little boy pours the oil on the floor, similar scenario. Mom wonders, "Why does he keep doing this? We know why. Boys like explosions. They would rather knock the blocks down than build them, they would rather watch their siblings react than live in peaceful boredom, they would rather make a run for the front of the church and be chased by their parent than sit painfully on the pew.  There is no law more intriguing than cause and effect. That's why a little boy would turn on a resting cookie dough beater. Did you see that dough fling all over the kitchen? It was amazing, cleaning up not so much, but worth it. For mom, this knowledge may not make the explosions any more convenient, but it does make them funnier.

2. Boys like to be the hero. They have heroes-Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Iron Man, Captain America, and Dad. They don't like to get bossed around because heroes don't get bossed around, but they don't mind saving the day. So I guess this translates into two actions. Present instructions as choices. "Will you please?" "Would you rather clean now and get done sooner or in 10 minutes when you've gone down the slide one more time?" And thank them for saving the day with appreciation for their muscles, speed, goodness, strength, intelligence, kindness, bravery. And don't worry, sometimes they have to get bossed around. We don't always get what we want. Even Luke Skywalker has rules.

Okay, Jack Sparrow may not be the most exemplary hero, but ya know.

3. Boys like to test their mettle. If Moms are setting boundaries keeping them safe, how can they tell if they're getting more manly? Mom says they can jump on the trampoline. Mom looks out the window. If the boys aren't doing flips they are trying to bounce each other off. Of course the next level is jumping off the deck to the trampoline. Mom might want to get this over with while she's around just in case someone needs to go to the hospital. Mom sends boys down to play in their room. Boys jump on the beds. That being mastered they pull the mattresses off and use them to catapult brothers to the other beds. Friends come over. Mom hears ricocheting in bedroom. Mom finds boys shooting airsoft guns in bedroom, always pushing, testing, risking, becoming stronger, faster, better, give or take some lost blood, brain cells, etc. I understand it's part of becoming a man, but it gives me a heart attack. Many times my final words were, "Okay, but don't come crying to me."

4. Boys don't really like to be teased.  This is so confusing because they spend a lot of time teasing, but teasing them usually brings out the fight. This goes back to them wanting to be the hero. The action is respect the male ego. It's alive and well.

5. Boys run around and yell, but they have a heart. This may be obvious to some, but all that wildness makes a mom forget that there's a little lovey guy inside. Don't forget to show them tenderness. That's what moms are for, to teach them to love, and boys do love their mommas.  So snuggle those little heroes-big and small-even if they try to run away.

And if you're lucky enough to have other children, you're in for a treat because brothers are awesome:

They hold you and keep you safe and call you cute.

They let you win if you need an ego boost and whip your
can if you need an ego bust.

They play hot lava and cowabunga and make sure life is great.

They threaten to keep the boys away until you find one they
want you to keep.

They read to you and always know the big words. They
are experts in dinosaurs, Lego, X-men, all the important stuff.

They make you look good at the talent show

With a brother you can move twice as much dirt.

They're your buddy...

for life...

And forever

They're always good for a hug, or a punch,
whichever you need most.

The more brothers you have, the more Lego ships there are at your house.

They keep their arm around you through thick and thin

And cheer you on while you climb.

They show you how to be strong and defeat the enemy when you need to.

And always make room for you.

They're the Woody to your Darth, the sheriff to your Sith, the "Reach for the sky" to your
 "Never underestimate the power of the dark side." They bring balance to the force.

They're your eternal fan club

They love you even if you cry.

They make sure there's enough Star Wars in your life.

They bring their game and make sure as heck fire you bring yours.

They fill the world with Lego and endless flying coolness.

You can count on them to add a twist to the traditions...(Hawaiian gingerbread man,
broken leg ginger bread man, vampire gingerbread man.) Christmas cookies, check.

They make sure someone is breathing out of a snorkel during the
card game because why wouldn't they be?

They set a good example

They share, and wear their superman cape because they can.

They make sure you know that there's someone bigger
than you so you'd better calm down.

They teach you about the awesomeness that
 is Harry Potter.

They drive through a dangerous snowstorm to attend your daughter's
baptism when even the locals didn't dare brave the roads, clinching
the title of "hero brother."

And then they grow up to be beautiful, brave, good men
that make their momma proud even though they still kind of like explosions.