"Gift from the Sea" by Anne Morrow Lindbergh

About 20 years ago, when I was living in Las Vegas, my dear friend, Cindy Shelton, shared a book she was reading. The book was Anne Morrow Lindbergh's "Gift from the Sea." I was pregnant with my 4th child. As Cindy shared what she had learned about simplicity, solitude, love and being genuine, I remember thinking, "I'll definitely put that on my list of books to read when I have enough quiet in my world to have an uninterrupted thought for 6 or 7 minutes." Amazingly, that time has come, but I had forgotten my intentions until the title came up on a summer reading list on Facebook. I admit I read a few other books before getting around to checking this title out from the library, but what a treat it was. As Anne described her gifts from the sea, I felt the calm of the sand and the water and her thoughts washing through my muddled mind. The tangled knots of anxiety that make pretty regular appearances were smoothed and laid by. I loved her words and illusions and felt so pleased that I could spend a couple of days with her. I recommend this book to anyone who needs to take a breath of clean sea air and soak their feet in the cool rushing tide.

Here are some of my favorite quotes from this book:

"We are aware of our hunger and needs, but still so ignorant of what will satisfy them. With our garnered free time, we are more apt to drain our creative springs than to refill them. With our pitchers, we attempt sometimes to water a field, not a garden."

'"Purposeful giving [does not] deplete one's resources. It belongs to that natural order of giving that seems to renew itself even in the act of depletion. The more one gives, the more one has to give-like milk in the breast."

"Nothing feeds the center so much as creative work."

"For is it not possible that middle age can be looked at as a stage of second flowering?...of a new stage in living when, having shed many of the physical struggles, the worldly ambitions, the material encumbrances of active life, one might be free to fulfill the neglected side of one's self. One might be free for growth of mind, heart, and talent; free at last for spiritual growth."

"This is not the life of simplicity but the life of multiplicity that the wise men warn us of. It leads not to unification but to fragmentation."

"The most exhausting thing in life is being insincere."

"We seem so frightened today of being alone that we never let it happen. Now instead of planting our solitude with our own dream blossoms, we choke the space with continued music, chatter, and companionship to which we do not even listen...When the noise stops there is no inner music to take its place. We must relearn to be alone."

"It's not physical solitude that actually separates one from other men, not physical isolation, but spiritual isolation."

"Forgetting about the summer to come, one often feels one would like to prolong the spring of early love... One resents any change, even though one knows that transformation is natural and part of the process of life and its evolution...It moves to another phase of growth which one should not dread, but welcome as one welcomes summer after spring... But there is also a dead weight accumulation, a coating of false values, habits, and burdens which blights life. It is this smothering coat that needs constantly to be stripped off, in life as well as in relationships."

"Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction." Saint-Exupery "For in fact, man and woman are not only looking outward in the same direction; they are working outward."

"Have we been successful, working at the periphery of the circle and not at the center?"

For the vacationally challenged.

I remember going to The Magic Kingdom as a child. After 6 hours of driving down the highway in our station wagon I saw it, the green and reflective white sign, "Disneyland." Soon the Matterhorn came into view. Tears filled my eyes in response to the joy and anticipation of being at the happiest place on earth. My dad seemed willing to take us there, but didn't act as if he was in the happiest place on earth. When I questioned him on his lack of bliss he started talking to me about "opportunity costs blah, blah, blah. Dentists don't get paid vacation blah, blah blah." I thought this was lame. When I grew up I would take my children to Disneyland (if my plan A didn't turn out which included me living there) and be the happiest person in the happiest place on earth. Fast forward to now. I haven't been to Disney in 19 years. Being within driving distance from Orlando has not tipped the scales into action with the thoughts of hotel costs, food costs, travel costs, let alone park costs. Luckily for him, my number 7 child was in band in middle school, and managed to make the trip without us. That let us off the hook for awhile, but I still felt I needed to get these last 2 kids to Disney and time was running out. Number 8 child leaves for college in August. This needed to be the summer. As luck would have it, one of my friends who is very good at vacations, had some days at an Orlando time share for sale. The price was right so I committed. When it came time to actually go, it was my daughter who started back-pedaling with talk of opportunity costs, "I have a lot of music students on those days, blah, blah, blah" (third generation lame vacationer.) After being told by everyone we know that we wouldn't regret it, we bit the bullet and loaded the car.

The car ride gave me time to try and work out in my mind if I could feel good about spending money on an event with no altruistic motives other than having family fun. I mean if the park tickets were 75% off then yeah, in a heartbeat, but no discounts? Could I live with that? Besides, we like home. Our beds are at home. Our musical instruments are at home. Our stores are at home. Our routine is at home. Was this temporary relocation really necessary? We can be together as a family weeding the garden, right? But as we drove, it occurred to me that road trips are very good at making us available to each other. There we were in a 6x6 space for 7 hours, not counting the little stopover in Tifton, GA to make sure the air conditioner was going to behave itself as we got closer to the equator.

Soon we encountered the palm trees which are always a good sign that we're not in Kansas or anywhere north of zone 8 anymore. Although I've been to the FL panhandle, I started getting pretty excited to see signs like "Cape Canaveral, Cocoa Beach" and when I saw the sign saying, "Orlando 51 miles" I became giddy. My first trip to Orlando :) We checked into our hotel and scoped out the joint. Being the cheap people we are, we wanted to make sure we knew which amenities were free and which would be charged to our room. I think we got it figured out. And not gonna lie, I felt pretty good when I was reimbursed $10.00 because I had to wait so long for a pizza.  That's the kind of news that makes a cheapskate's heart sing.

How do you know when the buzzer is buzzing? Oh, you'll know.

Sunday, was really a dream day. We went to church with our good friends from WV who now live in Orlando. We were assured that going to high school next to Universal Studios has it's drawbacks, like trying to take a test while the tourists outside the window are screaming, and rides are exploding. I almost felt sorry for him until he started telling us about getting info for a research project by taking a quick after school trip to Epcot. They shared some Disney insider tips, One of which I will now share with you, "There is affordable, palatable food just to the left of Star Tours." That was true and valuable information. We loved spending the afternoon with these friends. Later, we skyped with kids (my favorite Sunday activity) worked in some naps and got psyched for our Monday Disney Day.

This glorious place is right across the street from church.
I love to see the temple.

These great friends welcomed us to Florida with key lime pie. Oxoxox

Everyone told us if we were only going to one park to make it Magic Kingdom. Upon further research, however, we discovered that Magic Kingdom is similar to Disneyland which my SoCal husband has been to numerous times. I had even gotten to the point at the end of college that I had ridden "Small World" and "Pirates of the Caribbean" sufficient amount of times as to never need to ride them again, ever. With that in mind, we chose something radical. We bought tickets for "Disney World  Hollywood Studios." We would see new shows, go on new rides, and save $40.00, woot. Our friend confirmed our decision by sharing that it was his favorite park. We were feeling good. We had our fast-passes, we were wearing our tennis shoes and carrying our water-bottles. We applied sun screen, slipped a couple of sandwiches and carrots into my draw-string bag, and my husband and I took my sister's advice and wore fanny packs. The teenagers were not that desperate and would rather carry their water and live without any other belongings. One of the great things about being old is being able to disregard conventional wisdom and wear that fanny pack if you want to.

Doesn't this make you want to cry with happiness?

We had a great day. It was hot as blazes and there was a tremor of dissatisfaction when the kids perceived that Paul and I didn't know where we were going a couple of times, But we stopped, regrouped, got our plan on and accomplished all we came to do. Our ride back to the hotel was a bit tricky as we encountered black smoke and fire trucks on the road we were traveling and traffic was stopped. We followed the example of the locals and drove on the grass median to get turned around then drove around stressed and disoriented with our GPS that couldn't figure out why we wouldn't follow instructions. Only a few people driving the streets of Orlando are mad at us, but eventually we made it back to the hotel, Day 1-a win.

Celebrities all over the place

Paul refining his animation skills

"This is for you, Mom." Frozen sing-along

Elsa, just as beautiful as you would expect.

The roller coaster riders

I took this picture because when I was little I longed for a balloon like this. It was the only thing standing
between me and happiness. I guess I've grown up, because I see that it might not have brought the happiness I imagined
Just in case, I have the picture to look at whenever I want.

Day 2 we decided on Sea World. When the vacation planner who called us that morning to schmooze us into going to a time-share presentation learned of our choice and that I had a 17 and 15 year old, he commented that I must have calm children. I laughed then realized that these last 2 are kind of calm and we were going to the right park. It's also the cheapest park. 17 year old weighed in heavily because she's the one who is leaving us and it was perfect for her. Everywhere we looked was her favorite color, water blue. The background music was inspirational instrumental, a perfect match. We thoroughly enjoyed the dolphin, seal and orca shows. We went on some animal encounters and everyone but me rode the roller coasters.  That's another great thing about being old. I've already ridden a lot of roller coasters so I can sit out now if I want and hold people's stuff.

Flamingos

Walrus. "He looks like Jabba the Hut." Gabe

If you want your picture taken, hand your phone to a random teenager. They totally know what they're doing.

Aggressive squirrel. 

 The end of a long day, Our hero went for the car while we sat in the shade:)

We stopped by Panera on the way home and everyone was happy. Well, 15 yr. old had his doubts, but he made do with his chicken tortellini. The kids swam, played Foosball and we finished up the most awesome movie in the world, Anne of Green Gables baby. Okay, Gabe watched "Lord of the Rings."

Then we drove home. On the drive I finished my library book, Paul listened to his book on tape. 17 year old practiced the ukelele and 15 yr. old watched "LOTR." I recognize that this does not exactly sound like unity, but there was companionship in our individual activities. Besides, we'd been together for 4 glorious days, making great memories, it was okay to have a little space. We'll have to do this again sometime...maybe.

The blessings of financial hardship.

The thought of unemployment is a terrifying thought for anyone, and well it should be. So of course it stands to reason that our family was very concerned when my husband lost his job. There are a million panicked places for the brain to go: "What if we have no place to live?" "What if we starve to death?" "How will my children have what they need?"  But there's one good place for the heart to go: faith in the love and power of God. As I wrestled between the places of faith and fear through what turned out to be a 7 month trial, I recognize that I had feelings and gained insights and observed kindnesses that enlarged my soul and reminded me of principles I once knew and taught me new truths I did not previously comprehend. I like to think that I don't need to always have these sore refining opportunities to learn the lessons and gain the understanding necessary to finish out my character development, but apparently I do. In the chance that others can learn vicariously through me without having this experience I am offering this free knowledge.

1. Conveniences can be inconvenient/The best things in life really are free.
The first change we made when faced with our new budget was to cancel all the extras: gym membership, taekwondo, music lessons, orthodontia, weed control,  etc. Our new budget was house payment, insurance, utilities gas and food only. I thought I would feel deprivation, but instead I felt a strange sense of relief. Purchasing non-essentials is fun, but I realized it is always accompanied by a bit of guilt and anxiety. Making do with what we already had (I confess it's a lot. I'm a bargain shopper notwithstanding my guilt feelings.) felt very virtuous and cleansing. Instead of resenting the job of cooking, I was thankful that we had stocked up on flour and yeast and other food supplies for just this kind of situation. I went to work baking and cooking from scratch and our food situation actually improved. Cooking was my new creative outlet and I discovered that providing nutritious and interesting food brought even more satisfaction than my previous creative outlet of purchasing throw pillows to redecorate or shopping the clearance racks for clothes.

We didn't have to run around crazy going to a million lessons and activities. We watched movies at home, played games together, went on nature outings, explored the library, served and worshiped at church, exercised by walking, watching fitness videos, playing tennis, and riding bikes  The children participated in school and some of it's activities. We were not able to afford the expensive sports or trips, but life was not less full.

I remember listening to a speaker describe the people in Africa as being a happy people. Since I view Africa as one of the most underprivileged civilizations I wondered how that could be.  I understand it a little better now.  Sadly, there have been times of plenty when instead of rejoicing over all my blessings I complain because I have to go the the gas station and it's not very fun. I grumble because there is so much clean laundry to fold. I have to wait too long for the water to heat up in my shower.
When I don't have much, I treasure every gift given. I thank God for butterflies and daffodils and health and electricity and loved ones.

Nothing that matters changed. I still had my marriage, my children, my friends, and my faith.

2. People are not their money. People are not their jobs. People are not their clothes. People are not their cars. People are their hearts and minds and choices.  don't think of myself as a person that worries about materialism with it's status and brands, but I learned that it takes a lot of energy to resist it's voice. With greatly reduced funds, I was excused from the temptation. I interacted with a belief and desire that I would not be measured by my current financial situation and found that I was better at offering others the same courtesy.

3. God has some very kind and generous children on this earth.
 I was astounded at the acts of mercy and love that were extended to us during our period of unemployment. There is much good in the world. When we tried to quit Gabe's percussion lesson his teacher responded, "Not yet. He's really making progress." He provided Gabe opportunities to work in his yard to contribute to the lessons. Elves came at Christmas. Friends treated me to lunch. Intermittently, money appeared in my purse. My children were mature and generous in their desire to  join together in unity and caring for our family.The financial help was appreciated, but the love that these acts of kindness conveyed strengthened my faith, lifted my spirits, and melted my heart.

With these strong emotions came the desire to lift others. I recognize that small and simple acts can make big differences in lives. We should not ignore promptings or thoughts that spur us to good deeds. We can be angels today.

4. Miracles happen. In our church we live the law of the fast. Once a month we abstain from 2 meals and then give what we would have spent on our food to the Bishop to assist the poor and needy. We are encouraged to contribute more than this when possible. This is a law we live, but when we ARE the poor and needy it is a little more painful to contribute. Our bishop invited us to demonstrate our faith and increase our fast offerings and reminded us of the promised blessings if we did. In Isaiah 58:6-11 we learn about the blessings of the fast.:

 Isaiah 58:6 

Is not this the fast that I have chosen? to loose the bands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed go free, and that ye break every yoke?

 7 Is it not to deal thy bread to the hungry, and that thou bring the poor that are cast out to thy house? when thou seest the naked, that thou cover him; and that thou hide not thyself from thine own flesh?

 8 ¶Then shall thy light break forth as the morning, and thine health shall spring forth speedily: and thy righteousness shall go before thee; the glory of the Lord shall be thy rearward.

 9 Then shalt thou call, and the Lord shall answer; thou shalt cry, and he shall say, Here I am. If thou take away from the midst of thee the yoke, the putting forth of the finger, and speaking vanity;

 10 And if thou draw out thy soul to the hungry, and satisfy the afflicted soul; then shall thy light rise in obscurity, and thy darkness be as the noonday:

 11 And the Lord shall guide thee continually, and satisfy thy soul in drought, and make fat thy bones: and thou shalt be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters fail not.

We desired these blessings so we followed our bishop's counsel even though we were unsure of how our financial future would unfold. D&C"I, the Lord am bound when ye do what I say, but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise." The Lord kept his promises. We did not go without food. We had a warm home and good health. We felt the love of family, friends and God. We gained understanding and compassion and clarity and humility and faith, and then my husband gained employment such that we didn't even have to move. Heavenly Father is kind and I am thankful.