The trek west.

Sometimes, I decide to drive from GA to UT. I'll admit it sounds horrifying, but it was actually a lovely trip. I was taking that one girl to college and she had a lot of stuff, like musical instruments, that are hard to carry onto an airplane and besides, I didn't want to miss any of the beginning of "I'm going to BYU!" so it was an easy choice.

This is all old news as it happened a month ago, but I was kind of sad for awhile since I was down a child and didn't feel like blogging about it.  Here's something to look forward to for those of you who are younger than I am; the older I get the shorter my memory has become. This contributes to shorter sadness, anger, jealousy, hurt, pretty much any emotion, because I just kind of forget what the problem was. So I'm doing great now. It also makes for some interesting story telling. I forget things that really happened, think things happened that didn't and can just embellish away without purposely telling falsehoods. So many perks to aging.

When googling our route, google maps gave us first the bad news: It is a 27 hour drive. Then the good news: You can fly it in 3:55 hrs. for $330. I ignored their attempts to discourage me and took courage in the fact that I personally know at least 5 people who have made the drive and lived to tell about it. I reasoned that Rebecca and I could take turns driving, and we were taking 5 days to get there, so it would be fine.

Except for the fact that in order to fit everything in the car, Rebecca had a duffle at her feet and several bags and a pillow on her lap, it actually was fine. We just couldn't take turns driving, because no way was I going to sit in that spot with my knees to my chin, buried in snacks. Bring on the 27 hours of driving. Thanks for being brave, Rebecca

The fun thing about driving cross country is that everything's on our way. Why not stop in Iowa and see our cousins? So we drove through Chattanooga and Nashville. In St. Louis, I commented, "Don't we know someone here?" Rebecca answered, "Yes, your son moved here 2 weeks ago." I knew that.

New midwesterners. We will see them next time.

I love GPS. It has changed my life. Millers are pretty famous for spending a considerable amount of time lost. Now we can drive right to the door. No more multiple calls, unlosing our way and guiding us in. But I know GPS can have it's quirks. At about 9:00 pm Garmin told me to turn right. We then drove along a road with a river on our right and a sheer mountain cliff on our left. Definitely the scenic route, except it was dark and we couldn't see the scene. About 20 minutes later we were back on our original road. No explanations or apologies. Garmin acted as if nothing weird had happened. I still depended on GPS, but my trust became guarded and any suspicious directions were quickly backed up with a smart phone inquiry,which is still better than unfolding and refolding a new road map at every state border.

We arrived in Cedar Rapids, IA and spent 2 lovely days with my sister and her family.  Her youngest girls are the cousins Rebecca grew up with. They have had many great adventures together and made a music video recreating their childhood memories including making up dance routines, learning how to pump so there's no need for someone to push, swinging and kicking their flip flops over the telephone wire, and other games on the swing set. They reminisced about playing in and eating the sand and that one time when the shower nozzle broke and Gwen had to hold it for Rebecca. There was dress-up and make believe in the basement, surprising unsuspecting (more like totally suspecting) family members with their whoopee cushion placement, spying, tea parties, and the "Parent Trap" handshake.The final memories were of Rebecca driving off and the cousins waiting for and receiving a letter.  Good times, good times.

And this darling song:

My sister showed me some cool apps that I shouldn't be without, the best educational TV, and she demonstrated that people who quilt and do handwork all the time have way better memories than those who spend their spare time on facebook. And she took us to the Brucemore garden show which was very fun in the cool, overcast, where's the humidity? weather.

The next leg of our trip was a breezy 4 hour drive to Omaha, NE where our other daughter lives. As a bonus, some family friends were also trekking west so obviously drove through Omaha, NE. We all went out for Mexican food (Thanks John) and enjoyed watching the newly returned SoCal missionary from Alabama speak Spanish like a pro.

I had lived in Lincoln, NE for 8.5 years and never made it to the Kanesville, Tabernacle in Council Bluffs, IA. As luck would have it, it was on our way to church so...Bucket List!!!

The third and final leg of our journey was the beast. I-80 goes through the entire state of the beloved, friendly, flat and very cornfieldy state of NE. For awhile it was a treat to see for miles with nary a forest or hill to block the view. Soon, that ceased to be exciting, but lucky for the midwest they have this yummy little  fast-food restaurant called, Runza. It's famous for award winning hamburgers, but their signature bierocks (Runzas) are what make them special. It was bucket list time for Rebecca. She actually didn't know about Runza, so I put it on her bucket list for her.

An interesting phenomena on I-80, other than Cabella's in Sidney, NE, is how, compared to the cornfields in NE, the rock formations in Eastern Wyoming are downright
breathtaking. It's all about perspective I suppose. The car functioned perfectly and all was well. There was a time, however, in the middle of WY with no cellphone reception  or signs of civilization, that I realized that a flat tire would be a very inconvenient event. I had a short burst of anxiety, a "We're gonna die!" moment and then I was good.

 One travel game that we enjoyed is called, "See how long it takes the lowlander "Doritos" to explode as we increase our altitude." We decided when it happened we'd eat them. Guess what? We won!

We arrived in UT to the welcome of this dear friend and her family who's company I always enjoy. We were treated like royalty, entertained with lovely conversation and fed yummy blueberry bread. I washed my clothes which needed to happen since the car wasn't filled with MY stuff. I kept everything in the carry on which I would use on the return flight.

It's fun to take my children to the special place that is UT. Little southern girl commented as we drove by a church, "Hey it's not Baptist." Being part of the majority religion in the region is a shock for the members of our family. And, although we live in the peach state, we have never actually seen peach orchards. On this banner day in August, our destination was Brigham City. When we saw the peach orchards and our first peach stand I thought I needed to stop because we had happened upon a rare find. The reality was that fresh peaches were plentiful. On that day, I had peach shortcake, a fresh peach and almost had a peach milkshake, but I talked myself out of it on account of the wedding food consumption of the day which was delicious.

The reason we were in Brigham City was that this beautiful niece got married. Can I tell you there are few things more joyful than being in the temple with family, especially family that I don't get to see very often? After the beautiful wedding, the luncheon. After the luncheon, taking time with sisters and nieces to catch a show at the downtown theatre which was showing...(Bucket list drum roll) "Once There was a Beehive." I'd been dreaming of seeing it, but being a GA resident, felt like the odds were not in my favor. But Brigham City, UT was of course showing the comedy and feel good movie depicting a Catholic girl who finds herself  at a Mormon girl's camp...laughs, tears, it was all that I dreamed of.

After all that driving and playing and visiting, reality made its appearance. It was time to drop baby girl off at the BYU, the place where dreams come true, especially if your dreams include lots of studying. It was fun to have my brother, Charlie, and Son and daughter-in-law, Aaron and Clarissa, there to help with the move in.  Actually, I couldn't help but be excited for her. I have a list of all the things she should do, or maybe she has her own list, but either way, so much to do. Just being close to the mountains is thrilling to a southern girl. And how fortuitous that BYU football is gonna be great this year. The list goes on.

I got to visit with my parents in Manti for a little bit. Charlie (my brother) and his wife Meg live in Lehi now, so I loved seeing them. (Thanks for housing me and feeding me.) My niece, Amy, just moved to Provo this summer. Andrew is going to school at UVU and I got to hang out with his cute self. The Rees family did so much to help the Stoker family and they were in the middle of wedding prep. It was fun being with them again. Who knew Utah is such a happening place?

No pictures of Mom and Dad this time, but I did want to capture how Dad likes to combine art with nature.

Oh, but she's not in UT anymore. Utah's loss

This little miss moved to CA with her mommy and daddy right before I got to town.

And then I came home and everyone was still alive. Add me to the list of the people who have driven from GA to UT and lived to tell about it.

The do's and don'ts of sending a child off into the sunset aka college, mission, military etc.

Like many moms in the world, I just had a baby leave the nest. The angels who are in charge of counting tears have their work cut out for them.. There were already the military mom tears, the missionary mom tears, the "I'm off to seek my fortune" mom tears, and now add the millions of Fall Semester college freshmen mom tears, and we have a situation. This is not my first college freshman, nor my first college freshman post, but apparently I'm not done crying about it. My friend and I laugh, painfully, about the year our first daughters went away. I kept asking her if she was ready and she kept reassuring me that it would only be a blip. I wondered what was wrong with me. It had never felt like a blip before, more like 8.0 on the Richter scale. A couple of months later, my friend confessed, she was just trying to be optimistic. Actually her world was rocked. No blip.

So here are some rules to try and minimize the damage from the giant hit to the heart moms take when their children grow up.

1. Don't look at pictures of  your baby when he/she was a baby and ask yourself, "Where did the time go?" or "How could this have happened so fast?" or "Did I hug them enough, teach them enough, appreciate them enough?"

The time actually didn't go by that fast. We just have a bad memory. Some of those days were kind of long, remember? And you loved them as much as you could with what you knew at the time. But God loved them enough, and still does. Trust Him.

2. Don't go into their room and sit, and miss them, and feel the gone-ness.

It's great if there is a younger sibling to take over quickly, redecorate, and fill the emptiness with new. If you do not have that option, just keep the door shut for awhile until the memories start to fade and you need a refresher and can withstand the sweet sadness.

3. When you hear beautiful music or experience something your missing child would love, don't ugly cry. It makes people feel awkward. Just think of the toothpaste your child left in the sink or the overflowing garbage can in their bedroom. That thought will get you through the moment so you can find a quiet place to do the crazy, weeping mother thing.

4. Don't bore the people who knew that child with constant recollections of their amazingness. The mutual connections are comforting and there's a temptation to reminisce, a lot, but believe me when I say that the not-the-parents will move on a lot faster than the parents. You may get lucky, and someone may ask about your child. If that happens, hold on tiger. They don't want to know EVERYTHING. Usually they just want to know that said child is doing fine and is not engaged yet.

5. Don't feel hurt if your child does not seem to miss you as much as you miss them. They have no empty bedroom to walk by. They are not in a place where there are memories of you everywhere. They have not been thinking about how to solve your problems as much as they have been thinking about how to solve their own problems for the last 18 years. As many mothers have attested, "The happier they are. The less they call."

6. Don't think about what they are doing this minute. Another manifestation of this "don't" is memorizing their class schedule, googling their apartment, their daily route and surrounding areas. Don't Facebook stalk their new friends more than once. All these behaviors make time go by very slowly. This is no way to live if you want to feel like you will see them again soon.

7. And the last "don't." Don't think I haven't gained this knowledge the hard way. 

Here are the "do's".

1. Do picture your child as they are now: a capable adult with skills, knowledge and experience that they will build on through the next exciting phase of their life.

2. Do recognize that the time for learning at home, safe, with you, is over. This new phase of learning will amaze you. The next time you see them they will be sharing new data and adventures that will impress and entertain you. It's time for some new stories, don't you think?

3. Do be thankful for what happens in the family. Those younger siblings that lived in the shadow of the oldest at home, blossom and lead and become what they couldn't now that they have more light and aren't shaded by the older sibling tree.

4. Do adjust the grocery list. You may not need to buy greek yogurt or "Honey Bunches of Oats" or quinoa anymore.  

5. Do fill the empty spaces of life with goodness. Learn, serve, improve. Our child wants to hear amazing, entertaining stories from us too.

6. Develop a healthy, not demanding or hovering or needy, relationship with your adult child who will be bringing honor, education, faith, skill, in-laws and grandchildren to the family in the promising future.

7. Do love every season. Just like I don't go out and hold the leaves to the branches so they don't fall off (even though I'd like to sometimes). I can't hold my child back from the growth and improvement that can be theirs if I happily encourage them to move to the next step in their beautiful life.

As my daughter and I were driving across the state of IA we found a radio station that was playing hits from the decades. I was delighted when many of the songs were from the late 70's. I was car dancing and singing loud, "There's gonna be a heartache tonight." She hadn't heard the song before and asked, "Are you sure it's not 'There's gonna be a party tonight?" Since I'm bad at lyrics I questioned and looked it up. It was "heartache," but she had a point, sometimes it sounded like party. As I thought about that afternoon I realized  it was apropos that as we were driving her to UT, I was singing, "There's gonna be a heartache tonight," and she was singing, "There's gonna be a party tonight."

Anyway, have a party, little girl, with your roommates and cute Mormon boys in Calculus and BYU football and chorale class and learning and developing and your momma cheering you on.

PS. If you have a missionary I want to share a story. I remember sobbing as I secretly watched my son all the way through security. Two years later he came home a man, a righteous, shining, changed man. I could almost hear God saying, "Look what I've done with your boy."

Doin' a little victory dance.

My parents carefully taught me not to brag. But sometimes I do. If I make a really delicious dinner, I just have to admit, "This is a really good dinner." One time my daughter responded, "I'm sorry we don't give you enough compliments." It was nice of her to take responsibility for her contribution to my bragging problem, but I own it. I'm not saying that bragging is okay, but I'm giving myself permission to give myself credit for good things accomplished.

Summer is gone. All the dreams and goals and "This summer I'm going to..." have met their expiration date. There are items on our (my family's) "to do" list that have not been checked off, but I'm going to forgive myself and give some "atta boys/girls" where they're due.

Atta boy, Gabe, for getting your driver's permit. I like the way you took the practice tests every day until you were ready for the big leagues, aka Georgia DMV. You totally passed the test and have done a nice job driving around the neighborhood. We'll keep working on driving to the church so you can drive to seminary every day and log in your 40 hours.

 Also, Gabe needs to be complimented for dominating "Twist it."  He's been working on it for a couple of years. This is a very intense puzzle that I won't have anything to do with.  It looks like stress in a sphere to me. He has affirmed that observation by throwing it to the ground in frustration from time to time. Just like losing a pinewood derby race teaches sportsmanship the ugly way, "Twist it" teaches perserverance and patience, also the ugly way. More than once he said, "I quit," and then one day he said, "Guess what? I won." Well done, Son.

Rebecca was on the "Learn to cook dinner program." This is more than "learn how to make some meals" This is "learn how to feed the family day in and day out." And don't forget to try some new recipes, oh, they're all new recipes? Well that won't last long. So baby girl made spaghetti, egg plant Parmesan, chicken pockets, coconut chicken curry, fajitas, crepes, fish tacos. She received compliments and gratitude, but she also received complaints (she has a brother) which I view as part of the education. She learned a few tricks of the trade along the way like: 1. Wear an apron. It gives you confidence. 2. Sunglasses keep you from crying when cutting onions.3. Meat takes longer to thaw than you think. Nicely done. You'll make a great adult.

Guess what else Rebecca did? She finished her quilt. She really wanted to learn how to quilt and asked me to teach her. Aren't mothers the ones to pass on those skills? Well, in this house the mother is still learning how to sew triangles together without lopping off their points. I sent her elsewhere. A friend in Alabama (Kelsey Galvin) got her started. (Yes, this began 5 years ago.) My sister helped her along the way, and a friend here in GA (Ruth Campbell) worked with her until her project was finished. Ta da!
They all won!

One of my greatest summer accomplishments was sorting the music. Rebecca helped me sort said music, but the job was huge. I'm just so stinkin' proud. We now have religious choral music in alphabetical order by title, pop choral music in alphabetical order by title, piano music in alphabetical order by title, violin music in alphabetical order by title... So much alphabetical order. It just makes my heart sing. Maybe next summer I can sort everything in the garage into alphabetical order: sports junk, craft junk, camping junk, yard junk, and why-do-we-have-this junk.

I'm going to call my gardening a win and here's why. Every year the deer eat my tomatoes.  This year I outsmarted them by putting the tomatoes in pots on my deck. He he he. No deer allowed, Unfortunately I did not account for unidentified disease infecting my little plants. This was very unfortunate, but my brave tomato that had fruit, fought the good fight and didn't succumb until 5 tomatoes had ripened. Five tomatoes is five more than last year, so that's progress. I was also successful with the squash plant that came into existence when Gabe sprinkled the seeds from the expired squash 2 seasons ago just for fun.  Had he known it would yield squash it's the last thing he would have done, but as it is, we'll be in squash forever. I will also claim victory for the marigolds which have prospered. They have done a very nice job keeping the bugs away from the...weeds, but no matter. Let's give them a high five.

One more little shout out to me...I got my picture wall up to date :) Woot.

And Paul deserves a pat on the back for many things. Among them are fixing the toilet, replacing a crippled electrical switch, figuring out how to make the car radio work, finding the warranty on the dishwasher so the service visit was free, changing the lights, making real dinner while I was on a road trip with Rebecca, helping Gabe drive all the way to the church and back, and taking Rebecca to get her phone replaced. Yay for great husbands and Dads.

It was just such a great summer.

Danger. Critical photo shoot. Crazy mother up ahead.

I've disclosed that I am a freaker outer.  The higher the stakes the higher my heart rate. Which means I'm not the obvious choice for a pinch hitter, game point shooter, trauma care giver or exit row assistant. Knowing this, I try to avoid stressful situations because they give me a stomach ache but mostly because I go slightly crazy and I'm not very fun to be around. The task at hand looms larger than my loved ones, and I almost always regret my behavior.

Well, I have a little stressful situation coming my way. My daughter is going to college. I've written about this phenomenon before, and in my mind I know how great it is and how blessed I am blah blah blah, but my heart's working really hard to catch up with my mind. More about that later, but I'm just trying to explain why a little thing like a senior picture was kind of a big deal for me.

So on my wall in my living room I have pictures of all the children who have left home. When it comes to senior pictures, that's all I need. I don't need the hobby picture or the nature picture or the dressy outfit or the casual outfit. I just need one traditional background, chest and shoulder picture of my child for the wall. Let me rephrase that. I need one perfect picture of my child for the wall. And that's where the problem comes. Perfect means the stakes are high and I start to go crazy.

So I made the appointment and coordinated with said daughter for time and date. We talked about what time we would leave, I told her to choose her clothes, but I wanted it to be a solid color and blend with the other pictures. Then I tried to step back, but my stomach was churning and I felt the grinchy prickles of perfectionism undermining my feelings of peace and optimism.

On picture day I woke up on high alert but tried to repress the neurosis and act casual. I woke my daughter. She probably had an alarm set, but I could leave nothing up to chance. (Perfectionism likes to keep close company with control.) She took her shower and informed me that she had decided on her turquoise sweater because it was her favorite color. My mind screamed, "The turquoise sweater? The trim gapes! Unacceptable!!!" Reason tried to assert its voice, "That is a pretty color. It's not in as good of shape as it was. The trim gapes, but it's your choice." Crazy took over. "But you have to button it. I don't want to see layers of different colors..." Crazy didn't leave. I looked at my daughter and saw that her hair was still wet. Show time was in 45 minutes. My mind panicked, "Your hair is still wet! What if it's time to take the picture and you have wet hair? It can't be blow dried because it's curly. Why oh why didn't I wake you up earlier?" I tried to say something a little more logical than what I was thinking. "How long does it take for your hair to dry?" She replied, "I don't know." I thought I sounded normal when I responded, but I doubt that I did. "You really need to know how long it takes for your hair to dry so you can plan. When you get to college, you don't want to go on a date with wet hair, not to mention your senior picture is in 45 minutes." She was totally calm. She's cool like that. "I don't think it's a big deal for my hair to still be drying when I get picked up for a date. It will be fine, Mom."

On to make-up. She likes a natural look and is beautiful, of course, but in light of perfection I asked if I could dust her with a little eye shadow. I noticed the humidity had smudged her mascara so suggested she fix that and reapply. She fixed and said she'd reapply after she ate. She went peacefully about her business while I rocked around the house a ticking time bomb. At go time she promptly got in the car and away we went. I kept my mouth mostly shut and just let my crazy thoughts blast around in my head. "What if we're late? Did I get the check book? Where should I park? Should I come in from the south or the north? Did she brush her teeth? I'm sure she brushed her teeth. Is that a stain on her sweater? No, just a thread. Don't get a speeding ticket. Is that a policeman?"

And then it was time to start and we were sitting in the studio and she was relaxed and loving and I was gradually understanding that I have a problem, and if I have perfectionist thoughts they are no friends of mine nor my family's. I thought of all the school pictures we've taken and how I blogged about the best ones which are of the child's favorite shirts and natural faces. And then my daughter told me she had forgotten to reapply mascara, and I shook my head and laughed inside. And hopefully the photographer captured her beauty and love and goodness in my traditional background, chest and shoulders photo of my perfect daughter.

We need to work on our 4th of July celebration.

So, 2 years ago was the best 4th of July ever. It was the year of the family picture. All the Stoker kids were at my house at the same time, There were a lot of children, grown-ups, food, chaos, noise and fun and now I'll never be the same.

 Last year's 4th of July was saved by my niece and her family coming to visit. Once again, I loved 4th of July.

But this year, 2015, I only had 2 almost grown children and a husband in my house. That, my friends, is not enough for a celebration. What's the point of having 9 siblings and 9 children if nobody comes to visit on 4th of July? To be fair, there were efforts to plan family reunions by both groups, but it was a crazy year for siblings with 2 weddings and 3 graduations that took me to UT in May. It didn't seem feasible to go again in July. Several children (actually in-laws who somehow seem to be better planners than my actual children) tried to get people to commit to a reunion, but with different school schedules, and house purchases and in-law weddings, and our employment uncertainty we postponed the plans. It made sense at the time, and I didn't think much about it until I realized what my July 4th would look like, and then it was not okay with me. All children listen up, I want my holidays crazy and chaotic and a lot of work and inconvenience because so many of my loved ones are surrounding me. I was going to be stoic and brave and keep a stiff upper lip but decided I was going public with this tantrum. This way everyone will understand the expectations. And if you can't come to me, then just put out the air mattress and extra towels, because we're coming to you.

It's not that there were no good things happening  here on the 4th. We made an effort and the people that live here are lovely. So it is with gratitude for what I do have that I report on our Independence Day celebration.

We started the day dressing in our holiday shirts. Red, white and blue is the order of the day and indicate that the celebration has begun. By the way, this year we learned that White represents purity and innocence. Red stands for hardiness and valor. And Blue is for vigilance, perseverance and justice. Knowing that feels very festive.

We were on our way to the excellent PTC parade, but there was a downpour such that we were sure it was cancelled. Not so. Friends posted their pictures on facebook in short order and we had to be content with watching the parade vicariously through our drenched social media friends.

We spent the time at home planning our celebration. My experience has been that if there's not a list we just drift along the path of least resistance and that does not a celebration make. So we determined our holiday craft, our holiday outside activity, our holiday game, our holiday food and our holiday movie.

Our holiday craft consisted of making Birthday cards for our dear ones born on and near the 4th of July. Next up was red, white and bluifying a ping pong ball for 4th of July ping pong. Interestingly, I got some resistance to that idea. One male person in our family didn't want to waste a ping pong ball. Another was afraid that the magic marker would change the properties of the ball and alter the aerodynamics so as to ruin his game. They were kind and flexible to acquiesce to my request and did a nice job decorating said ball and donating to the cause.

There was a church hike planned  to Sweetwater creek, a place I'd wanted to go, so I was excited. However, the weather forecast predicted more rain at the hike start time, so we decided to forego this activity too. I recognized that this day was quickly becoming a regular sit around with the fam day so at this point I took action. Luckily the Sister missionaries and a good friend of mine were available to make sure it felt like a celebration. They consented to joining us for dinner. I started to feel a lot better about our fun level. We definitely needed more people for it to feel like a party. And if company was coming we'd better have some food. Guests are the best motivators.

Instead of our hike we drove a few minutes to Patriot Park. (Are we festive or what? Get it, Patriot?) We walked around the newly added veteran's memorial which was beautiful and actually felt very 4th of July-ish.

We had a lovely time with our company who added greatly to my happiness. Paul had made delicious holiday cupcakes and we enjoyed our holiday meal.

When our company left we played our family 4th of July ping pong which actually was a blast.

Our Independence Day game consisted of the girls' team designing questions for the boys' team to answer and vice versa. We didn't really make any ground rules. We just said, "Come up with historical questions about the 4th of July." There was a marked difference between the boys' questions and the girls' questions which made it...historical?

The girls' questions were:

1. Do as many push-ups as there are stripes on the flag and tell what they stand for.

2. Do as many sit-ups as there are stars on the flag.

3. Use sign language to write the last name of the person who sewed the first flag.

4. Form the numerals in the year of the Declaration of Independence with your body.

5. Name 4 real people who share the first name of the largest signature on the Declaration.

6. Where is the Declaration of Independence displayed and what are your favorite nearby museums?

7. Re-enact Paul Revere's ride.

8. Sing the song written by Frances Scott Key

9. Name the British King at the time of the Declaration of Independence.

10. What's the difference between the Declaration of Independence, the Bill of Rights and the Constitution?

11. Who was America named after?

The boys' questions were:

1.What battle during the Civil War was the major turning point of the war?

2. What battle during World War II was the turning point in the Pacific?

3. Who was the President during the Vietnam War?

4. Which country started World War I?

5. Who invented the Polio Vaccine?

6. Where was the First Atomic Bomb tested?

7. Who was the First Governor of Georgia?

8. Who was the statesman who was a senator from Kentucky and died at the Alamo?

9. What was the first Nuclear ship?

10. Who was the First Astronaut to step on the moon?

Needless to say, the boys answered more questions.

After the game we watched "National Treasure." And that was that.

Luckily, on Sunday we were part of a lovely patriotic program at church written by Victoria Wilcox and Melinda Talley. It was during this program that I realized how blessed I am to live in this country and the sacrifice made by the patriots who declared and fought for independence for our country. And even if only 2 of my children were with me this year, I'm blessed beyond measure and have much to celebrate.

What to do in calm waters.

What do we do in calm waters? We prepare for the storms. I remember vividly my mother's telling of the fable, "The ant and the grasshopper." This story was always a bit disturbing to me. I saw the wisdom of the dedicated hardworking ants but definitely remember the picture of the likeable, fun grasshopper sunning himself in a lounge chair and the serious, and frankly slightly grumpy, faces of the ants preparing for the hard times. I had to admit, I liked the grasshopper better. That's why the final picture of the starving, freezing, remorseful grasshopper was so depressing. I knew I had a tendency to think like the grasshopper. How many examples are there of preparing for the future? We have Joseph in Egypt, pioneers crossing the plains, and many others. Thank you history.

It sounds like I'm heading in a "food storage", "get out of debt" direction, and that's a good direction, but I'm not. I'm headed in a "strengthen your faith and hope and love to withstand and serve during times of spiritual drought" direction.

It's summer and all is pretty well with the Stokers, give or take a few precarious situations, but nothing is burning or drowning or exploding or starving and so what do I do? I put my feet up and relax. I watch movies at night, read my library books in the day, do a bit of housework, but mostly make myself as comfortable as possible.  That isn't necessarily my plan, just the path of rest and relaxation-the path of least resistance, if you will. There is nothing inherently wrong with these behaviors which is why I was so confused when I felt myself drifting into a grumpy, worried, selfish, less healthy state of mind.

What was the deal? I checked my list for beautiful living. I was praying, right? Well, mostly, on the run, "Thanks for everything. Please bless me with what I want." Because I'm not really in trouble, I was not connecting to the One who gave all He had and gave me all I have. In fact, I was kind of acting like I didn't need any help or ideas from anyone else. No wonder I feel like I'm alone. I didn't invite Him to come and stay.

What about studying my scriptures? Are you kidding me? Almost every morning I read at least 5 chapters of the Old Testament in preparation for teaching seminary in the fall. No, I don't remember 1/2 of what I read. I'm just trying to get to the end, but look how many chapters I've checked off!

Well, apparently that's not enough. So outside of my marathon OT reading I took a few minutes to really study a few verses for myself. I read until I learned something, asking, "What is God's message to me? What do I need to improve on? What can I learn from the lives of these people?" This tiny change made a noticeable difference in my heart. Just like He promised.

I looked at some other aspects of beautiful living. I don't think I've been particularly unkind. I haven't really yelled at anyone in my family lately. Granted I only have 2 children at home, both of whom work hard to do good things, so if I'm yelling I just look like a lunatic, which has probably always been the case. But when I had a lot of wild little kids I felt so much more justified. I did notice that since everyone is so easy to care for now, I have gotten a rather indulgent attitude. My default mode is always on the selfish side so a little "think of others" adjustment is definitely in order. My new goals: 1. When family members come home, I will get off the computer or put down my book and greet them with my full attention. 2. I will do some little things for my husband, just because I love him. 4. I will sit around with my family in such a relaxed and cheerful state, that no one knows I have anything I'd rather be doing, because I don't. 5. I will actively look for ways to be of service to others, because when I'm holing up in my home, I can be hard to find.

For me, summertime is a time for reading, not my seminary lessons and educational literature, but whatever I want-novels mostly. I plop down on the couch and enjoy the story. My summer reading lists are long. Sometimes, however, I forget that not all reading is created equal. Just because it's a best seller or rated a 5 on Goodreads doesn't mean a book is good for my soul. Some of the books I've read this summer have been wonderful. I loved "The Robe," and "Gifts from the Sea," I enjoyed "A Girl Named Zippy."But some of my reading quests have been accompanied by an increased sense of hopelessness and dip in my positive outlook stores. As I have identified this, I conclude that if my chosen reading is dragging me through misery, I can either choose to close the book and take it back to the library or make sure I'm also exposing myself to literature that brings light. It can't be all  "Anne of Green Gable's " all of the time, unfortunately, and since there is no rating system for books that I know of, I will impose my own rating system and carefully choose stories of inspiration, hope and redemption.

All this because, although we are in the calm waters of summer, the time is for resting and preparing, not becoming weak. We should gather and store the light and nourishment that is in abundance, because winter will come again for a season, It always does. And we will be able to weather through the storms because we became strong when the waters were calm and the sun bright and the harvest plenty.