One great big party.

My sister was reading my blog last week and asked, "Is your life just one big party?" I answered, "No. It is not." And I realized, I was doing it. In my desire to write my feelings of gratitude I was leaving out the more common, less appealing, and frankly not very funny elements of my life. So a quick update on those: I did 7 loads of laundry last week.  6 lights went out in our house. My husband's still looking for work. Our garage door code does not work in the winter weather and last week contained 4 days of winter weather, so lots of walking to the front door and opening the garage from inside. I'm still working on my tone with the people I love who live in my house. I'm trying to make my lectures shorter and scan the horizon for things to be grateful for. My husband asked me if I knew where his shoes were and I answered impatiently "I'm not in charge of your shoes." and then quickly realized that a few days ago I had put them in a pretty well hidden place in his closet. My bad, again. And my jeans aren't comfortable. They accentuate my decidedly middle-aged figure and don't stay up very well, but it's too cold to wear my go-to skirts that get me through the summer. Is that enough mundane reality? There's more of course, but I'll save that for later or never.

On the other hand there were some delightful moments. Andrew had to take a security test at Delta so flew home for a couple of days in the middle of the week.  He's fun to have.  he usually has nice things to say about dinner and takes time to play with Gabe and beat Paul at ping pong.  Since we celebrated his birthday while he was here,  Andrew and Gabe played a forbidden-on-school-nights game of "Mario Strikers."

Thursday, my sister Carrie and her cute family stopped by on their way to Connecticut.  We got the playhouse out for her 4 year old daughter to play with. That made my living room look very happy: Grandma and Grandpa sleeping on the playhouse roof, horsies hanging from the playhouse porch lights, playhouse loveseat and chairs placed around the playhouse yard.  Good stuff.

Saturday, Rebecca called from orchestra rehearsal saying she was going to bring her viola friend home for dinner. I love my kids to have company and I already planned to make "Cheesy Chips and Quidditch" for dinner.  Quidditch is nowhere to be found in this recipe, but we concocted it during our 6-year  Harry Potter obsession, so hence the name. The recipe calls for cream of chicken soup and sour cream mixed with cheese and salsa.  Well, upon my attempt to gather my ingredients I discovered that I had no sour cream nor cream of chicken soup. "When the hour of performance is here, the hour of preparation is past." So it was time to be creative. I did have mayonnaise so I mixed that with salsa and chicken and cheese.  It seemed a little runny so I added a couple of new layers to the required chips, sauce and cheese layers. I threw on some black beans and corn, repeated the layers, topped it with extra queso cheese and green onion and heated it through. Bless Rebecca's sweet little friend. She said, "This is delicious. It tastes magical." She is always invited in. And there you have my food contribution. Modified Cheesy Chips and Quidditch.

And then Sunday we went to some really great church. The speakers were inspiring, but I was so lifted by my conversation with a gentleman who was just baptized a couple of months ago. He said, "I love to come here. Something wonderful always happens. I try to explain to my friends what I feel. Being at church is like being under a big warm blanket.  I am learning so much as I read the scriptures. I can read the same page and each time it means something different and something more." He's right of course. Thank you for reminding me.

And Sunday night our family went to choir practice and the music was beautiful and the Savior lives and God loves us and we can be filled with this love and share it in our homes and with our friends and all the people God puts us in contact with.

On second thought, yes, my life is one great big party.

Podners forever-Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad!

I love my parents' marriage, not because it's perfect and easy, but because it's human and hard.  My father is handsome and intelligent and direct.  My mother is beautiful and talented and sensitive.  If you believe in "The Color Code" you would recognize my father as red (he hates the color code) and my mother as blue. I think the reason my father hates the color code is that he believes people are more than a handful of characteristics. I believe this also, but recognizing the challenges in their relationship gives me a feeling of security and hope. Who cares if you disagree? You wanted a second opinion, right? Who cares if someone hurt your feelings? They apologized and are trying to do better right? 

The secret to the success of my parents' marriage is that their marriage is a big deal.  They are in it for this life and the next.  In my house their relationship always came first. If their door was locked we knew we should not disturb. Friday night was date night and we should not expect a parent to be available.They would buy special treats for their "sweetheart" that would not be shared with the kids. They wanted to sit by each other more than they wanted to sit by us.  Don't get me wrong, children are a big deal too.  We had our date nights and felt their love, but we knew the hierarchy of relationships in our home.

Dad wooed my mom by drawing, sculpting, painting and carving images of her. He wrote her notes and baked her favorite desserts and gave her the heart of his watermelon.  Mom was affectionate and treated him like her hero. She was a warm and engaged companion with whom he could share his thoughts and dreams. They did a lot of hugging and kissing in front of the kids and sent each other letters written in lemon juice that could be held over the stove to reveal secret love messages when they were apart. 

Mom

children

I saw them just last week, and their love is deeper and sweeter than ever.  Dad has had many health problems in his life.  In fact, he never thought he would live very long and is not afraid of death. What he is not very fond of is medical care. Last month he was hospitalized with heart and kidney problems. The medical team would not let my mom go in his room with him, but they told her they would open the door so she could wave.  When she saw him, he was hooked up to a million machines and tubes. He looked at her and said, "I'm doing this for you." They are one.

When I was at the California house this past summer I found some of the sweet evidences of their love. Many of these pictures came from a scrapbook Mom had made for Valentines Day with sweet messages about how much she loved Dad, and how romantic he is, and how life with him has been wonderful. I also found a little poem Dad had written:

To Janet

My sweetie

The Love of my life

My podner

My friend

My Sweetheart

 My Wife

Robert Miller and Janet Miner met at the first dance of summer school at BYU 1958. Rob knew Janet's brother, Alan, from their fraternity, Tau Sigma. Janet was elected Vice President of the summer student body at that dance.  He walked her home and asked her to go fishing  out to the Utah Lake on bicycles.  

Janet asked Rob if he wanted to ride  in the Provo 4th of July parade. They rode in a white convertible advertising the Timpanogos hike sponsored by the student body.

They got engaged in October and married the next month in November.

After graduation Dad taught school for a year in Eastland, UT.

R

Dad went to Dental School in Portland, OR.  Mom taught kindergarten.

Dad graduated from Dental School and began practicing in Corvallis, OR.
The had 2 children, Laurie and Susie

They moved to a little town in CA that needed a dentist.  They had 4 children, adding Melinda and Mary

They remained in Dos Palos until retirement and had 10 children
Laurie, Susie, Melinda, Mary, Heidi, Carrie, Pete, Megan, Charlie and Sam

Podners forever.

Isla, as in Island.

Well, you know how I'm a really lucky girl, so last week I went on another "Welcome to the world. Grandma loves you" visit.  This trip found me flying to Provo, UT, home of the BYU cougars and Jacob and Alexa. Actually, it's home to a lot of other people I love, some of which I was able to see. Apparently it's noteworthy that the airplane that took me there had only been flying passengers for 1 week.  At least the pilot was pretty excited about this.  I liked the nice clean seats and the shiny new wings, but don't you think it would have been festive to offer free movies and a milkshake to celebrate the special occasion?

One thing I love about flying into the Salt Lake City airport is this scene:

A lot of Utah families are sending sons and daughters out into the world to proclaim the gospel of Jesus Christ, so the odds are good that there will be families welcoming their children home too.  Such a happy sight to see.

And speaking of happy sights to see, how about this girl...

This is Isla Kerrie, Isla as in island. My dad's mom's name is Ila so I think she'll be pretty pleased to find out she has a namesake. The spelling's been modernized, but I learned that Isla is a popular name on the Isle of Man in England. This happens to be the place my mother's ancestors originated, so little Isla has a great heritage in her cute little name.

I'd like to take this time to applaud her mama.  Baby girl weighed in at 9' 13". Carrying and delivering a baby that size is a big accomplishment.  Thank you, Alexa, for your courage and fortitude, because now we have this sweet thing in our family.

Isla's Daddy read her a book in the hospital that pretty much sums up the way we feel. It's "Happy Birthday" by Dr. Suess:

If we didn't have birthdays, you wouldn't be you.
If you'd never been born, well then what would you do?
You might be a fish! Or a toad in a tree!...
Or worse than all that...Why you might be a WASN'T.
A wasn't has no fun at all. No he doesn't.
A wasn't just isn't. He just isn't present
But you...You are you! And, now isn't that pleasant?

Thank you, brave and faithful children for inviting these precious souls into our family.
It's always a treat to see children as parents. Alexa and Jacob read the recent Reader's Digest article about the difference between privileged and unprivileged children being the amount of words they hear.  In an effort to give Isla enough words we talk to  her a lot about how cute she is. Her mom tries to read her scriptures, although Isla fell asleep after a couple of minutes. It happens.  Her Daddy likes to tell her about things.  One of the things he told her about was the ceiling. He held her about 6 inches away and said, "That's the ceiling, kind of like the floor, but on the top." Little squishy is in good hands.

Saturday was a very special day. Aaron and Clarissa brought beautiful Lucy to meet beautiful Isla. I thought my heart would burst with happiness.

Then Sunday brought more excellent visitors: Andrew, who's vying for the title of "Best uncle." The word on the street is that he even got a flu shot and whooping cough booster to be more qualified.  It's a win/win, of course in the health department, but it definitely screams baby love.

And these lovely cousins, Polly Johnson (Susie's) and Kat Christensen (Melinda's)

I can see how Heavenly Father's plan for bonding with baby is effective. They are completely dependent on Mom and need attention around the clock.  It's not like you're not going to notice that you have a new baby.  There's also genius in the fact that babies sleep a lot the first few days, and then when Mom starts to feel better they wake up.  Sometimes they wake up crying and that crying can be considerable as baby's body gets used to functioning.  Everyone develops a lot of resilience, but the road to resilience can be tricky, so I have a lot of respect for new parents. I do have one question however, does anyone's new baby sleep in their crib?  I haven't seen much crib sleeping since the baby authorities started sleeping babies on their backs, but it could just be my family.  Anyway, new parents, sleep when you can. No seriously, sleep when you can.

I went to help, but I not only had fun with the baby, I had a little fun on the town, too.  Alexa was kind and said, "It's okay.  We need to get used to doing it alone." I got to spend a little time with this fun sister and her adorable little guy.

On Tuesday my college roommate came and took me to lunch. This girl is as young and beautiful as ever.  She treats everyone like an old friend, even waiters and receptionists, and is loved the world over.  Her grandchildren and nephews and nieces facetimed her while we were out to tell her important things. I could tell that happened a lot in her day, and I thought to myself, "That's what you get for loving everyone."

Wednesday was my day with my gorgeous mom and dad.  They were in Provo being trained on a home-dialysis machine so they don't have to travel an hour both ways, 3 times a week for my dad's kidney treatment.  He's been sick for a while. We've kept in touch by phone, but it felt good to see them and hug them and be "home."  They got to meet little Isla, and Dad was thrilled with her name. I gave my dad a quick haircut in the parking lot while he sat in the van.  (He's not up to taking the stairs to the 3rd floor apartment.) I was a little scared when he said, "I'm going to like this. It's short and won't get messed up when I'm in the hospital bed." I thought, "Uh oh, it's short? Mom's going to be mad if it's too short." But she said it was fine so I'll quit thinking about it, but what I will think about is that even though I'm 55, a girl likes to be with her mom and dad. It feels safe and right and I realize that I am very blessed indeed.

And then it was time for me to go.  No more watching the new little family love each other. No more Jacob running from the car up the stairs to see the people he loves most in the world.  No more baby baths and newborn snuggles.  No more Alexa giving her all to helping Isla grow strong and healthy. Well, it's all still happening, but I don't get to watch it, but it's nice to know it's still there.

My kind sister-in-law, Stephanie, drove me to the airport. She shared her positive outlook with me and then dropped me at the Delta terminal. I checked my bag. The agent saw that I was flying standby and where I was going and said, "Good luck." I should have known I was in trouble.  "Good Luck" as in "I say that to everyone?" "Good luck" as in "It will be close but you'll probably make it?" Or "Good Luck" as in "There is not a chance in the world that you are going to Portland (Brandon and Mallory's) or Atlanta or anywhere else today, for that matter." Well, it turned out to be the latter. But I have friends in Kaysville that are loyal and generous and that I love to be with. Tom and Kathy Gill took in a poor traveler and showed me a lovely time. Tom taught me some tricks for teaching seminary, although things are a little different in the heart of Mormon land, and Kathy showed me her mother's books that had been created for her family.  There were family history books, children's books, family story books. Mind blown.  I have so many projects that I want to do now. Thanks guys, And then the same dear friend got up at the crack of not yet dawn to get me back to the airport. And 3 flights later I was headed to Atlanta, and 1 day later, my suitcase that I had checked to Portland was headed to Atlanta also. The end. Wasn't that a great story?

Get playing (Game on II)

Of course there had to be a follow-up to "Game on" because I didn't even talk about "Big Booty." Before I indulge more secrets to game success I'd like to share a few quotes from this article from the Fall 2014 magazine:  "LIVING THE PLAY-FULL LIFE" by Andrea Ludlow Christensen (BA ’03, MA ’05)

"For decades researchers have noted the wide-reaching power of play and recreation to teach persistence, build confidence, and improve family relationships, while also warning of broad threats to them: schedules packed with extracurricular activities, media overload, and hovering parents."

Patti A. Freeman (BS ’88) and her husband, Eric W. Andersen (BS ’01) [taught],

"Play should be fun, but recreation that is also challenging can help kids build persistence, resilience, and confidence—traits that prepare them to hit life’s curveballs."

 “If we’re not intentional about [recreation], we can let time just slip away and other things can infringe upon it.”

That's just a little motivation to get playing. The next step is knowing what to play.  Not that it really matters that much but it is helpful to have options in your mind. Growing up, we played many of what my  Mom refers to as "Parlour games." 

These games are great for family night. They are also handy when you're in a small group for a long boring time and people forgot their books. Don't tell me they have their devices.  We are taking the high life-skill road and playing parlour games. 

The other objective of this post is to preserve forever the games from my family traditions, so I brought in some guest teachers. Sometimes the important elements can't be explained by text so prepare yourself for some awesome youtube tutorials.

When we were little my mother taught us to play "Ring around the Rosy," "Motorboat," "Duck Duck Goose," "Hokey Pokey" and "Button, Button Who's got the Button?"  I remember her eyes twinkling as she went around to each child seated in a circle with a button hidden in her clasped hands.  We held our clasped hands in front of us.  She slid her hands through ours as we sat hoping the button would drop. The strategy was to always pretend that it had. Then "It" would guess who had the button. The victory came to "It" who guessed correctly and the non button holder who was asked to open their hands to reveal...nothing:) Another game we played as young children was "The Quiet Game." My mom initiated it in the car or in doctor's offices. For some reason she liked it a lot.  I didn't really see the draw until I was a mother on the brink of breakdown after long audio rich days with active (and might I add loud) blessings from heaven. It became a clear favorite.  The goal is to see who can be the quietest for the longest, see where I'm going with this?

As we grew older we were introduced to "Blind Man's Bluff", "Charades," "Hide the Thimble" and our signature family night game, "Here Comes the Jolly Butcher Boy." Technically this isn't a parlour game because it is played outside and involves some running in the back yard. It's a heritage game because My mom learned it when she was a little girl and taught it to us.  So I will now teach it to you. Divide your group into 2 teams with each team on either sides of the yard. Team 1 approaches Team 2 chanting "Here comes the Jolly Butcher boy seeking for his trade." Team 2 answers, "What is your trade?" Team 1-"Ice cream and lemonade." Team 2-"Work away if you're not afraid." At which point team 1 begins acting out their previously planned "Trade." The trade is an object or action that the members of Team 2 start guessing.  If someone calls out the right answer, Team 1 runs back to their home side with Team 2 on the chase.  Any members of Team 1 who are tagged by team 2 this side of their home boundary join team 2. Then team 2 is the "Butcher Boy" and the game is repeated. Because the cadence of the chant can't be detected in text, but is very important, I asked my sister, Heidi, to demonstrate it for you:

As luck would have it, I was privileged to be with my nieces, Polly and Katherine, last week. They shared one of their favorite games from childhood. This game is good for the playground or girls camp. We didn't play this much at my house since I have 7 boys and they were usually out highsticking in the back yard field hockey game so as to take each other's heads off, but I have  played "Little Sally Walker" at girl's camp and it's a good one.  Here it is:

  

"Do You Love your Neighbor?" is a fantastic little game that is played sitting in a circle.  One person is in the middle and asks a guest, "Do you love your neighbor?" If the chosen guest says, "No" the guests on either side of him try to quickly switch places before the  person in the middle, who asked the question, steals their seat.  Whoever is left without a seat is now the person in the middle. The chosen guest may also say, "Yes" but then needs to add that he doesn't like people who...He then adds a description i.e. "Wears tennis shoes," "Has brown hair," "Goes to the same school I do," at that point all guests who qualify have to get a new seat with the person in the middle once again seeking to acquire one for himself.  Definitely one of our tried and true games.

One nice parlor game that we have played is "In the Manner of the Adverb." It's similar to the game played on "A Christmas Carol" with George C. Scott, One person goes out of the room and the remaining guests choose an adverb: angrily, happily, energetically, etc.  The exiled guest returns and gives a direction such as, "Guest, shake my hand in the manner of the adverb." The chosen guest then completes the direction in the manner of the chosen adverb.  "It" is allowed 3 demonstrations by chosen guests before he needs to guess the chosen adverb. A different direction can be given for each guest. Victory is claimed with a correct guess.

Some other popular games are "Hide and Seek" and "Sardines," which is inverted hide and seek. One person hides and everyone else looks for him. When the hiding place is found the finder joins the hider until all but 1 are hidden in one big scary bunch. Then when the final person discovers them he is startled out of his wits as they jump from the hiding place (he he he.)

Red Rover Red Rover is a dangerous game that I have not attempted to pass on.  We played it in elementary school and I witnessed 2 people getting their arms broken from a speeding student breaking their grip.

But Hopscotch is an underrated game which I feel strongly cannot be lost. Do they still have them painted on the elementary school pavement? If not, it's a shame. A few tips for this game are: Use a small chain for a marker-it doesn't bounce out. Don't wear your clunky shoes-it's easier to stay in the lines. Always have chalk- you never know when a good time for hopscotch will present itself. My friend, Cindy Shelton, used masking tape to create a semi-permanent hopscotch in her home for her children and friends.  Don't underestimate the fun level of this game.

And now the game you've all been waiting for. I'm not sure why "Big Booty" was such a favorite. It's probably because saying, "Big Booty" is hilarious. Guests sit in a circle. They are numbered: Big Booty, 1, 2, 3...Then the fun begins. Big Booty starts with...(see video of my sister Carrie demonstrating)

 

In the meantime everyone is keeping time by slapping their thighs in rhythm. After the intro, Big Booty says, "Big Booty-number___" They choose a number. Without breaking the rhythm, number whatever-is-chosen says"Number___-number___They can either choose a number or say Big Booty. Everyone continues saying their number and choosing another. If a person misses the beat and fails to call themselves and another they go to the end of the circle and the numbers are adjusted. Of course it is the greatest accomplishment to oust Big Booty. This game ends when it's time to resume life or everyone's hands and thighs are burning from too much rhythm making.

So in an effort to continue to teach persistence, build confidence and strengthen family relationships let's get playing.

I went to Vegas to get rich.

Moms have a million dreams and expectations for their children, many of which said children refuse to demonstrate, but sometimes,,,some very special times...a mom sees her dreams come true and her heart has to stop and be grateful.

So I headed on over to Las Vegas to meet a sweet little lady named Lucy Jane Stoker.  Is she ever stunning. She takes a person's breath away when she's lying there sleeping, and then she opens her big blue eyes and it's over.  Do I sound like a smitten grandma?

Anyway, so Lucy is very skilled at being 3 weeks old. She lifts her wee little head and nurses like a champ.  We're pretty sure she is making eye contact, at least some of the time. Okay, she does look at us cross-eyed a bit, but it comes with the newborn territory. She sleeps a lot in the day to save her strength for the party with Mom and Dad at night.

 And speaking of parties, she's definitely the life therein.  Other partiers start to poop out, but our awake little miss makes sure the party goes into the night.  That would be okay except Dad has to be up and out of the house for his Dental School party at 6:30 am.  Not sure how long everyone can keep up with this wild and crazy schedule. But she's definitely fun to be with.  Aaron said, "If you do nothing all day with Lucy, it's a great day." I was the designated rocker one night and Aaron kept looking at us wistfully, "She's so cute. I just can't leave her." Her mama feels the same way.  More than once awesome Clarissa asked for Lucy back, "I need some snuggles." And so it appears that life for Lucy Jane is going to be pretty sweet. And that's why I am so happy. My child has created a beautiful family and they all love and cherish each other.

My little boy has grown into a Dad. One evening while we were walking to the internet (the secret to their newlywed success-no wifi. They have to use the clubhouse or spend quality time communicating with each other) he said, "You know, I enjoyed being single, but that wasn't the point. This is the point.  There's no place I'd rather be than home with my wife and baby." Aww. <3 <3 <3 <3. It's so cute when he studies with Lucy. He just puts her in the crook of his arm, and they read about Dental materials and Pathogens. Sometimes it gets a bit boring for Miss Pretty Pretty, but she just dozes off.

Aaron said, "Babies are a cinch."

Clarissa is a dedicated, capable and loving mom. People ask her how she's doing. She says, "Great.  I've been waiting for this my whole life." What a perfect thing to say. I told her she was just the kind of girl I was looking for for Aaron. I'm glad he finally found her:)

Speaking of joy and blessings, I was looking through a cookbook that Clarissa's mother had put together.  She had gathered recipes and marriage advice from family and friends.  Not only had Nathan's wife, Ariane, contributed many delicious recipes, she also contributed these comments:

Her positive encouragement on the happy state of marriage brought tears to my eyes. I can't describe how it feels for a mom to know that their children are making their spouses happy. Similarly, I was visiting in Omaha with the Ericksons and Joseph and Hyrum were playing with the magnet letters at the library.  Next thing I knew, this was on the whiteboard.

  Thank you, children for loving the families that you've created. We are very blessed indeed for this eternal increase of joy and love.

So you can see that my week was already fantastic, but it got a little fantasticker when Clarissa and I went to visit a friend I've had for 30 years, Linda Schlauder. Seeing friends after many years is an interesting experience.  One wonders if they've changed, if the relationship has changed, if it's been too long since you were together and then you see them and hug them and of course Linda  looks as beautiful as ever (it's her jam) and nothing's changed.  Well, that's not exactly true, I think life has changed us for the better and felt even more love. She has always been kind and gentle and graceful and welcoming and talented. Life has shown her heartache but she has remained close to God and He has made her brighter, warmer, more inspiring and more beautiful (If that's even possible.) I feel very rich as I reflect on the blessing of our friendship and the blessing of being able to be together again.

And then I went home to my husband and 2 remaining children and I realized, having 9 children was a very good idea. As Ed Jackson posted on my Facebook page, "You are very wealthy." The wealthiest.