I'm here. friend.

It's the day after Easter and my heart feels tired. Easter is a day full of feelings, but Easter 2020 was a doozy.  Because of Covid-19, (I'm sick of saying that.) I did not go to church and worship with my friends in my sanctuary, nor gather children and grandchildren or friends around my table. But I did my best to celebrate with the opportunities afforded me. My husband administered the Sacrament and we renewed our covenants in our home. I joined a zoom meeting with my church community. I virtually talked to many of my children and grandchildren, and I participated online in several of the beautiful music offerings made available because of, you guessed it, Covid-19.

 I have never seen Rob Gardner's "Lamb of God" production in person. I'm a fan of the songs, "Savior Redeemer of my Soul" and "My Kindness Shall Not Depart From Thee" so I figured I would enjoy his work, but I was not prepared for how moved I would be throughout the program. One particular song was so heart breaking, so emotional, I'm still thinking about it today. It is when Peter sings, "I Cannot Watch Them." The premise is that Peter has just denied Christ. He is so sorrowful, he cannot watch the proceedings of the Crucifixion.

Peter sings these words, "When thou looketh for a friend, thou found none for I have fled. "I have only respect for Peter knowing that I have no idea what it is like to be him. I guess that's what I hate so much about this part of the story. "If  Peter, why not me?" I am also encouraged that he went on to be a loyal disciple and did much good to bring people to Christ. "If  Peter, why not me?" But in terms of the piercing words he sings, I had to ask myself, "When Christ looketh for a friend, would he find me because I've stayed?" The alternative is horrifying to my soul. I must stay. I must be a loyal friend.

The next question is, "What makes a loyal friend?" A loyal friend defends when others attack. A loyal friend apologizes for offense. A loyal friend remembers and reaches out. A loyal friend cares for loved ones. A loyal friend aids when help is needed. A loyal friend is constant.

The other question I ask is what would Christ need a friend for? It's true he has many friends, but if I am to be included in that illustrious group it's important for me to know the answer to this question. Might he need me to care for my mother? She's his friend, and by helping her I might be helping him. Might he need me to rock the crying baby that he sent to my house? Might he need me to develop my talents so I can accompany the songs of the heart that his friends want to sing to praise him? Might he need me to speak kindly so his loved ones feel and believe in love? Might he need me to forgive offenses so my heart is not filled with anger, and he can communicate with me? Might he need me to tell all the people of the world that he already paid for their sins and they only need to "Come unto Him" and make and keep sacred covenants to be saved and sanctified and be counted as friends? That's scary, but I can do that. Because my greatest desire is also a line in this song: "But when my eyes are closed in death, His words will hang in my last breath. I know him."