Happy Birthday Aaron

When my 4th little boy was born I recalled my 17 yr. old self telling a witness that when I got married I wanted to have all boys. (I'm thrilled that I ended up with 2 daughters also.)  It looked like my wish was coming true and what a beautiful boy he was.

Okay, when Aaron was little he was so cute it makes me cry.

  But, looking through pictures in preparation for this blog post pulled up a wide variety of photos.  I'm not saying he's not photogenic, but sometimes the pictures come out with this smile:

This does not warm my heart so I found pictures that show the sunshine in his soul.

Now that we know his cuteness I want to talk about what he teaches me.  He teaches me compassion.  When he was little he brought me gifts...raspberries, flowers, etc. and he melts my heart with love texts and "Thank you, Mom" that brighten my day

He knew this little brother was bored, so he read him a book.

He also took care of real babies.

Even though he had his own problems (black eye) he fed this care bear a bottle (bead toy).

When Aaron was 2 he went around the house helping, he emptied the dishwasher, killed flies, took out the garbage, vacuumed.  When he was a little older he asked his dad for the Stoker roll recipe.  He wanted to make sure he had it written down so he could make them for his family.  He teaches me to work at the skills I want to improve.

Andrew (Aaron's brother) saw a baby picture and said, "Aaron always looked like he was thinking about things."  Well, frankly he was.  He is smart.  Okay I said it.  When he was a toddler and I was talking on the phone, and he thought I'd talked long enough, he'd climb into the cupboards and start eating candy.  Doesn't that scream "Genius?"

It takes some high level thinking to get yourself into your mom's dish water.

Anyone who can stand on a book, with a measuring tape around his neck,
a toothbrush in his mouth, carrying a hoodie is bound for greatness.

From Aaron we also learn that sports are everything.  Well, maybe not everything, but they're important.  We always joke because Paul  asks if the people that the kids are dating play volleyball.  Aaron said, "We act like that's funny, and not everyone needs to play sports, but I love sports.  Shouldn't I marry someone who likes sports too?"

The last thing I learn from Aaron is don't be afraid to have fun.  He's so good at this it may appear that he doesn't take life seriously.  He takes life very seriously, so seriously, he needs some serious breaks from his seriousness.

Aaron was here

Happy Birthday awesome boy.  I love you.

Gifts minus Envy plus Love equals Joy

Well it's that season again...football yes, cooler temps true, but the season I'm really talking about is the season of the College Application.  It's the time when all the sweet and hopeful children who would like to further their education try to put all the complexities of their attributes, gifts, desires, experience, intelligence, abilities and achievements onto a couple of 8.5 X 11 pieces of paper.  If I were running an admissions department at an accredited university I would definitely ask for everything they ask for...ACT, SAT, GPA, etc. but I hope they know they're really disrupting the chi.    This is the time when I hear, "What did the other Stoker's get on their ACT?"  "What was _____'s GPA?"  "What if I can't get into college, will I be the family loser?"  Now I always expect to hear a little grumbling of the sorrow of the damned, "Why didn't I STUDY MORE?"  But what breaks my heart a bit is the narrow measure of gifts and the envy of other gifts and blindness to own gifts.

When I plant a flower garden I seriously would never plant all of the same flower.  I need blooms in every season, cool colors, warm colors, delicate blossoms, bold focal points, dependable greenery, various textures, all coming together in marvelous beauty.

A football team only needs 1 quarterback (well, and maybe a couple of backups just in case the starter is stinkin' up the place.)  The main thing is whatever position you play be prepared, work hard, condition, practice, develop, improve.  You know, "What e're thou art act well thy part" and all.

Growing up in a large family we had a pretty abundant amount of sibling rivalry present.  I was acutely aware of the gifts my siblings possessed that I lacked.  When I watched "Gone with the Wind" for the first time I suspected that I was a little more like Scarlett and my younger sister a little more like Melanie.This was not an unhealthy recognition.  It gave me something to work towards.

A little harder to deal with perhaps is that family members have many gifts in common.  This is where I see some struggle for "How do I fit in?"  I noticed that one of my children played the piano less and less as the other played more and more.  They might have mistakenly supposed that we only needed one pianist in the family.  The truth is that everyone grows up and takes only themselves and their skills with them.  If a person can play the piano they should play the piano and use any other talent they can develop.

I'm always happy to go to Miller family reunions.  The first day is spent reveling in time spent with people like me.  We laugh a lot, dance, sing, laugh a lot, talk about movies and movie stars, laugh a lot, make treats, play charades, and then reality.  Bring on the in-laws because the Millers have lost their keys, forgotten the can opener and gotten lost. (I acknowledge that not every Miller has the same traits, but I'm speaking to trends not specifics.)  And that's what's so great about the plan.  Together we make it beautiful.

So I want my children to love their gifts and love their sibling's gifts and be thankful for the gifts of those that do the things we never could.  There's not only room for all, but a need for all.  Especially if we're trained and ready.  And if we have a pilot/warrior and an economist and a doctor and a dentist and a physical therapist and an educated mother and whatever anyone else wants to do, (or two or more of any of these)  that makes for a nicely balanced community and a very lovely garden.

Be grateful and kind, little princess.

To clear up any confusion in this generation or the next I would like to state that my official and legal date of birth is September 17, 1959.  There's really no way of knowing if this is my actual date of birth, but I'm going  with it.  I had always celebrated my birthday on September 18 until I was sixteen.  I made contact with my birth certificate in anticipation of acquiring my driver's license and discovered, to my horror, that the date listed on said certificate was September 17.   I alerted my mother who responded that they had made a mistake.  She certainly knew what day her first-born child had come into the world.  I was calmed by that reassurance and went on with life with that fun little glitch in my official documents.  As time went on, however, having a legal birthday and actual birthday on different days was rather inconvenient.  Last year I was at the Dr.'s office, and the receptionist was trying to check my insurance. She couldn't find me under 9-18-59. I said, "Oh, well check 9-17-59."  She gave me an exasperated look and said, "You need to get that fixed."  I thought of my future posterity trying to look up my name on Family Search and the potential frustration for them and decided I would go legit.  I have now aligned all written manifestations of my birthday and public declarations with the legal date of 9-17-59.  My parents and siblings don't know this, well, and some of my kids, but let it be known to all that my birthday is Sept. 17, 1959.

The other thing I would like to explain to my children's children's children is that although I was named Laurie Miller as an infant, when I was a young adult (and married I might add) my mom gave me a middle name.  She apparently didn't want me to feel bad that I was the only child without a middle name so gave me hers.  She made it official with an addendum to my birth certificate and everything.  My legal name is Laurie Janet Miller Stoker. ( FYI future genealogists related to me.)

Which brings me to the topic of this post.  Today is my birthday... or tomorrow...I mean today, whatever.  My mom told me that when I was very young she planned a birthday party for me.  It was to be a grand event with friends and cake and presents, but all I did was cry.  This explains a lot.  I have a little birthday princess complex.  There are a few contributing factors, but my goal is to get over it.  I'm the kid that could never sleep on Christmas Eve, even if I knew what I was getting.  The excitement killed me.  There is no time span longer than going to bed December 24th and 6:00 am December 25th  (the designated minimum wake-up time.)  I think I must have an over active anticipation synapse.

Third BD.  My beautiful mother made this amazing elephant cake.

Cute sister Susie and me on my 4th BD.
I'm a little tired because my Dad had taken my friend, Wess,
and I to the Portland zoo on the train.

 So when it's my birthday, even though I try to be mature about it, I exhaust myself with the excitement of it  possibly being a special day.  In other words, I have expectations.  This is a very dangerous situation for my immediate family.  Because it would be presumptuous of me to verbalize these expectations, I keep these expectations a deep secret in my mind.  This is a problem because 1. It is impossible to meet uncommunicated expectations.  2. As the day goes on and my expectations are not met I start to feel sad.  This manifests itself in grumpy behavior and who likes a crabby birthday girl?  3. I feel bad for being selfish and I really am just glad when the day is over.

I remember talking about this to a friend and she said, "Oh for me my birthday's just another day.  I'll probably go to dinner with my family the weekend before and that will be it."  This was such a refreshing attitude to hear.  I don't know if I can quite master her nonchalance, but I'm working toward being a more merciful, grateful and kind birthday princess.

As I approached this day with my new resolve, I noticed something.  My life is already awesome.  So much of it already shouts "Happy Birthday!"  My family may not plan ahead, but they are loving and work pretty hard to make me happy.  And speaking of planning ahead, aren't I the person that mails the birthday greeting on the birthday even though it takes several days for the mail to get there?  Yay for prolonged celebrations!
I have to hand it to my husband this year.  He took my son shopping 2 days ago.  Who can ask for more planning than that?  And don't I have birthday flowers on my kitchen table?   And 8 family members said "Happy Birthday" already.  Here's the big reveal, I don't really care what my family does for my birthday as long as they do something.  They can keep working on the celebration and I"ll work on merciful expectations, gratitude and kindness.

In anticipation of this special day I went around my house and took pictures of some of the things that make my life birthday-awesome.

I have running water.  I do not have to bring my water from a well.
I also have indoor toilets.  My life is great.

I do not have to wash my clothes on a rock in the river.
I also do not have to sit at the laundromat.
I can wash and dry clothes any time I want.

I have air conditioning.  My house is a comfortable 77
degrees in the summer in Atlanta, GA
A miracle?  I say, "Yes."

I have a heater for air and water.  Hot showers any time.

I have a gardenia blooming, plus my encore
azaleas are blooming again...on my birthday.
My life rocks.

I have a car and a driver's license
I can drive to Target clearance,
the grocery store, another state,
and I have GPS so I don't drive the wrong direction for
long distances any more.

I have dedicated parents who love God and family

I have a husband who has loved me for
33 years even when I'm a little
birthday princess.

I have these 9 beautiful babies

And God.  Happy Birthday to me!

"You'd better get your booty in here now."

In our church we are advised to set aside Monday night for Family Home Evening.  Family home evening is for everyone, including recently married couples, fathers and mothers with children, single parents with children, parents who have no children at home, single adults in home evening groups, and those who live alone or with roommates.  The First Presidency said: "We promise you great blessings if you will follow the Lord's counsel and hold regular family home evenings.  We pray constantly that parents in the Church will accept their responsibility to teach and exemplify gospel principles to their children."  A suggested outline for family home evening follows:

• Opening song (by the family)
• Opening prayer (by a family member)
• Poem or scripture reading (by a family member)
• Lesson (by the father, mother, or an older child)
• Activity (led by a family member and with all family members participating)
• Closing song (by the family)
• Closing prayer (by a family member)
• Refreshments

I grew up in a home that had family home evenings every Monday night.  My memory of this time is fairly ideal.  I don't remember complaining or making any negative contributions whatsoever as a child.  Okay, I do remember arguing with my Dad one time because he wouldn't let me go to an activity with my friends on family night.  Other than that I'm sure it was perfect.  We gathered around lovingly while one of my parents gave an inspiring lesson.  We sang "Love at Home" in harmony.  Well, sometimes we sang "Oh We're From Nairobi", and "Down By the Old Mill Stream,"  but those were definitely sung in harmony.  We played "Here comes the Jolly Butcher Boy Seeking For His Trade," a marvelous game that I'd be happy to explain to anyone who wants to know.  Then we had delicious refreshments that we took turns choosing.  Well, maybe once when it was my turn I bought a box that had cheese cake on the front, but we needed a crust, cream cheese, etc. to actually make cheesecake.  We did not have cheesecake for refreshments that night.

You can imagine my surprise when I was the mom and ready to take my responsibility to teach my lovely children about the love of God and families at our weekly family home evenings and things were a little...less than ideal.  One Monday night, when my first 2 children were 3.5 and 2 yrs. old., we invited a young couple that hadn't been blessed with children yet to share the evening with us.  I thought maybe their FHE's were boring.  I carefully prepared the boys in their parts so their contribution would be meaningful.  It was time for them to perform.  They wiggled and giggled and bugged until there was no going back to the lesson.  The adults were giggling a bit also, well, not really me.  This hadn't gone according to my picture at all.  (As if that's part of parenting...ever.) At least the evening wasn't boring, except the part where I was telling my children to "stand up straight," "say it nicely," "stop pushing..."  I adjusted my picture a bit since I had grown up in a family of mostly girls, and I was raising a family of mostly boys, and they were children, and I probably didn't really have a very clear memory of what FHE was like for my parents when I was a child anyway.

Emergency Preparedness lesson.
"Let's try out our emergency ladder
that's been under the bed for months."

When I talk to my children about their FHE experiences I realize that one of the most important benefits of regular family night is the traditions born from many nights together.  When my children were little I played a tape of children's songs  by Janeen Brady.  One of the songs is called "Hey, Everybody it's Family Night."  The song starts with the title and then continues, "You'd better take the phone off the hook.  Hey everybody it's family night.  I've already got the family night book."  It goes on with some more happy words, but the Stoker version evolved and stuck.  Every Paul and Laurie Stoker child would agree that when it's time for Family Home Evening we sing, "Hey Everybody It's Family Night, you'd better get your booty in here now!"

The traditional treat is ice cream, sometimes with toppings, sometimes without.  The most common opening songs are "I Am and Child of God." and "Love at Home."  I love the talk in General Conference where Julie B. Beck asked her father why they were singing "Love at Home" again.  He answered, "When you learn lesson one, we'll move on to lesson two."  One of the sad realities of our family night is there is always some teenager with homework issues.  They are pretty sure they don't have time to gather with their family (see above promise for courage in this situation).  More often than I'd like to admit the opening song has been,  "Listen to the Still Small Voice," not for the message but because it is the shortest song in the songbook.

No child mentioned anything about the lessons when recounting their FHE memories, but we always have them.  Sometimes someone shares a story from a church magazine.  We have highlighted General Conference talks.  Lessons have been taught from the Gospel Art Scripture Pictures or something someone learned in church.  My favorite lessons have been given by the children.  I remember once when the big brothers all took turns teaching Gabe (the youngest) basic gospel principles to make sure he knew everything he needed to know for life.    Another part of our reality is there is always someone from the previously mentioned "academic-crisis-camp" that says,"I hope the lesson is short."

Apparently the most memorable aspect of Family Home Evening is the game.  The rule is: Everyone has to play.  There has been a favorite game for each season of our family's evolution.  We started out playing a lot of "Duck, duck, goose."  (In Minnesota this is called "Duck, duck, grey duck.")  We played  field hockey.  I knew we were making progress when we could play without someone sitting on the deck for high sticking.  Four-square was big for a while, but that was awkward because all the neighborhood could hear us arguing over rules and points. (Love at home)  Big Booty was another favorite, mostly because it's really fun to say, "Big Bootyyyyy, big booty, oh yeah."

Big Booty with the Johnson cousins

When we were once again overpowered by the homework junkies/responsible students there was a lot of pressure to play a short game after our short lesson.  The game of choice was "Dip, dip, dip."  We huddled in a circle, stomped and chanted "Dip, dip, dip.   Dip, dip, dip and then looked at someone in the circle.  If you looked at someone looking at you, you both were out.  The last one standing was the victor.  We could play 3 rounds of this game in about 7 minutes.

Thankfully we are now in a phase with a youngest child who will have none of this short-game-nonsense.  He wants his fair share of family fun.  He feels like he missed out on much of the family action and is slowly being deserted by his older siblings.  He realizes that very soon it will be down to him and the parents.  He'll have all the jobs and none of the fun.  I remind him that he'll have all the toys too.  It's a small consolation for being left with no one to play with.  So he insists that we have proper game time.  Right now, we play a lot of "Perudo."  It's funny how with our fewer numbers we can all be home, but not together.  It's FHE and family scripture study that brings us onto the couches, shoulder to shoulder.  Some of our best conversations happen  between "Let's have a prayer" and the actual prayer.  I love sitting around with my family playing Perudo or Dutch Blitz, and without family night, how would we know when the games begin?  And you know what?  Andrew gave a really nice lesson this last week.  What a blessing.

Happy Birthday Jeanne Rosamund Dale Wallace Stoker (Paul's Mom.)

Mom Stoker has not been with us since January 17, 2006, but she was a wonderful lady and I want to feature her for her birthday.

Baby Jeanne and her sister Margaret (Peggy)

Jeanne was born Sept 6, 1921 in Manchester, England to Agnes Pollock Watson and Robert Vincent Wallace.  According to a wonderful talk given by her daughter, Cathy, at her funeral, she was named after a character in a book.  Her mom called her Jeanne and her dad called her Dale.  She was born at home in a scrubbed down disinfected room. She had blue eyes and dark brown hair.

Her father worked as private secretary and chauffeur for Governor General of Canada, Vincent Massey, who was an ambassador.  Because of this, she lived in Toronto, London, and Washington DC.

As a child, Jeanne lived with her family on Massey's estate and grew up playing with her 2 friends Ruthie Peters and Aline Athey.  She liked to swim and go horseback riding, play with farm animals, fish, and climb
trees.  In the winter her father would flood the backyard so the children could ice skate.

Jeanne and  Peggy

Back row-Peggy  Front row-Campbell, Beatson, JeanneWallace

Me, Judy Koch Wallace (Beatson's wife), Agnes P. Wallace (Jeanne's mother) Beatson Wallace (Jeanne's brother) Jeanne and Don Stoker 1983

In 2nd and 3rd grade she attended a one room school house in Canada.  She was the only girl out of 10 students.  She liked to play basketball, but frequently got hit in the face and her glasses would break.  She didn't want anyone to know so she put them in her satchel.  When she got home her Dad would say, "Where are they?"  Getting them fixed was a common occurrence.

When she was in school in London she was the only student in the class to solve an English problem, but her brother had helped her.  She went up to her teacher who was the head master and told him she'd had help.  He commended her for being honest.

Jeanne liked to run.  However sometimes when she ran races she would turn around to look at the competition.  Those races she didn't win, but if she kept her eyes on the goal sometimes she did win.

Her hobbies were collecting spoons, postcards, stamps, coins and china tea cups.  She loved playing with and collecting dolls.  When I first went to the Stoker home I was impressed with the nice collection of Madame Alexander dolls in Jeanne's daughter's room .  When I had daughters Grandma Stoker bought each of them a very special American Girl Doll.  Actually, I believe Cathy facilitated Rebecca's acquisition to carry on the lovely tradition.

Jeanne liked board games and jigsaw puzzles.  She liked to make scrapbooks, especially of the Royal Family in England.  She enjoyed singing and sang in youth choir and adult choir in church.  She played violin for a few years.  She had a wonderful knitting talent and won first place in the Utah State fair for a baby blanket.  Each of her adult children received one of these beautiful blankets when they had their first child.

She liked to attend the ballet and plays and enjoyed going to dances at the church with her husband.  She also liked movies.  Her favorite movies were Sound of Music, Wizard of Oz, and Shirley Temple movies.  Her favorite book was Little Women.

She was afraid of heights and being alone in the fog.  Once she had gotten lost in the fog and a bobby  (british police officer) had to help her home.

Jeanne's father was a military officer during World War I and World War II.   He was away from the family for 7 years.  In 1938, while living in England, she carried a little gas mask to school in a box with a shoulder strap.  Once she forgot her mask and was sent home.  They had to hang black drapes in windows at night so no light could be seen from outside.

In 1939 her mother decided to take the family back to Canada.  They were booked to sail on the cruise line Athenia, but her mother had a strong feeling not to take the ship.  Private ships were supposed to be safe from war actions, but the ship was sunk and never arrived in Canada.  They boarded the Empress of Australia and although they were chased by German subs, they arrived safely.  Unfortunately her father was not notified of their safety for a time and believed his family had perished on the Athenia.

Jeanne loved her father and wrote this letter when she was 20 yrs. old in Salt Lake City, UT. Her father was in Devon, England:  "Dear Daddy: This is your blue-eyed Daughter, wishing you a very Happy Birthday.  If I could be near you, I would just squeeze you to death.  You are ever in my thoughts and I wish you every happiness."

Engagement picture

While she was in Salt Lake she met Don Stoker at the "Rainbow Rendezvous." They were married August 27, 1946.  Their honeymoon was a bus trip to California.  They lived in Salt Lake City and when Don graduated from Law School  moved to California where they lived for 51 years.

719 Esther Way, Redlands, CA

 She has been a citizen of 3 countries.  She was born in England, became a citizen of Canada, and on Feb. 19, 1948  became a citizen of the United States of America.

Jeanne and Don had 5 children who were all well-educated.  When the children received their degree/degrees they tossed the tassel onto a decanter in their mom's china hutch.  Although she didn't get to graduate from college it seemed as if those tassels belonged to her. She was a faithful and dedicated mother.

Don and Jeanne with their children John, Don, Paul, Cathy and Barbara

Jeanne was a Primary/Sunday School worker for 40 years.  She loved teaching the CTR 8 class and preparing the children for baptism.  In her later years her daughter, Cathy, visited the home ward where the leader asked everyone who had had Jeanne Stoker as a teacher or worked with her in Primary to stand.  Cathy was surprised at the amount of people standing.

She was a generous and wonderful grandmother.  She stayed in her grandchildren's lives by sending packages filled with fruit snacks, granola bars and other treats and remembering their birthdays. She liked her grandchildren to look nice so kept them in StrideRite shoes and Easter outfits.  She always requested that the little boys have their picture taken in short pants so she could "see their cute little knees."

At Thanksgiving, 2004 she was asked what she would want her family to know if she died.  Her response was, "I will have them in the next world.  I want them to know the church is true and that we all have to earn a testimony as we go through life.   Our Heavenly Father is very pleased with us when we keep the commandments and choose right from wrong.  I want my children to know that I love them all very much and hope they realize that the things I have done have been for their best interest.  I pray for a good life for all of them."

Grandma Stoker with Daniel, David, Emily and Mark

Grandma with Nathan

Grandma and Paul with Aaron

Grandma with Eliza and Rebecca

Happy Birthday Nathan

By the time this cute little guy was born we had our name formula figured out: first name-from the scriptures, middle name-from the family.  Nathan was a prophet in the Old Testament, not a a super well-known figure but what a great name, right?  His middle name was Robert after my father and his great grandfather on Paul's side. 

When Nathan was two he taught me that learning games are fun.  I went into the bathroom and found him drawing with a toothbrush on the mirror.  He smiled at me and said, "I'm drawing an "M", see?  Now you go out and I'll draw and that will be real fun."  He still thinks learning is fun.

Living with little Nathan I realized that angels are protecting the children.  He ran everywhere and it seemed that he fell between things a lot more than he fell against them. Once we were at the zoo in NE (think craziest weather in the world) when a little whirlwind came gusting by.  A limb came tumbling off a tree down onto my baby.  There he stood right in-between branches that had fallen on either side of him.  He looked at me with concern and asked, "Who threw that stick at me?"

Nathan always had a hero so I learned to be careful with the heroes I presented my children through media, etc.  When he was about 4 he told his Sunday School teacher, "Nathan is my real name, but Luke is my cool name.  He pretended to be Superman, Kale from Willow (totally against the family rules because Kale was a bad guy), Ghostbusters and those guys from the 3 sports hero cartoon.  What was the name of that show?  Nathan and Aaron spent hours with paper bringing heroship to life.

Nathan made a ghost trap with paper.  It had a pedal that he would step on when they were in ghost trouble. Then Aaron would slip over to the closed trap in ghost-busterly fashion and manually open the trap so it could suck the ghost in.

They made paper hockey pucks for their sports hero TV show games.  Wayne Gretzky was one of the characters. There were a wide variety of pucks, but I was always a little confused with the benefits of the cheese hockey puck.  Insights anyone?  So basically the lesson is that you can make anything with a little paper and scotch tape.  I do remember a friend coming into my living room and proclaiming, "Wow.  I would never let my kids do this."  I'm not sure that was a compliment.

This is not a true representation of the typical white storm of paper that inhabited my living room when  there was construction afoot.

One more thing we learn from Nathan is that Pound Puppies are awesome.  If you could see the happiness on his face after a pound puppy purchase, you also would take him to the store a million times.

As Nathan grew older he didn't get in trouble very often, but when he did he said, "OK, I'll fix it."  Isn't it great to know things can be fixed?  We can change.  We don't have to repeat our mistakes.  We can apologize.  I had a decorative door harp that he wanted to play for real.  Unfortunately he broke one of the strings, but he told me, "It's okay. I fixed it."  I looked and saw his sweet little-boy fix-it job with scotch tape, (what else?) and my heart melted.  I left the tape on for a long time so I could remember, "It's OK.  We can fix it.

Happy Birthday Nathan Robert (Luke) Stoker.  Thanks for being great.