Coming Home is one of life's best moments. I believe it will be one of the next life's best moments also. So this blog is dedicated to what I view as the best moments of life.
Happy Birthday sweet boy. Thanks for coming home for your birthday. I love your positive energy and the laughter you bring. Your beautiful smile lights up the planet. Use your gifts to make the world a better place. It seems right that your birthday is on Thanksgiving. I'm thankful to be your mother.
"Remember you have seeds of greatness within you."
"It's the sweet simple things in life which are the Real ones after all."
"Try and keep on trying until that which seems difficult becomes possible and that which seems only possible becomes HABIT and a real part of you." Dieter F. Uchdorf
Don't worry. "Search diligently, be believing, and all things shall work together for your good if ye walk uprightly"
D & C 90:24
"Plant smiles, grow laughter, harvest love."
You were created by the Hand of God for a purpose. You are an unrepeated miracle." Joyce Meyer
"If you are not willing to learn no one can help you.
If you are determined to learn no one can stop you."
"Thanks for the beautiful life and forgive me if I don't love it enough."
"Success is the sum of small efforts repeated, day in and day out."
"and now as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another's burdens...and stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things and in all places...that ye may be redeemed of God, {be} baptized ...as a covenant that ye will serve him and keep his commandments, that he may pour out his Spirit more abundantly upon you." Mos. 18:9-10
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway" John Wayne
"Success is a personal standard, reaching for the highest that is in us, becoming all that we can be."
"And she loved a little boy very, very, much. Even more than she loved herself." Shel Silverstein."
"Trials are mandatory, but misery is optional."
"Life begins at the end of your comfort zone."
A little humor makes life a lot better.
"Your future's as bright as your faith." Thomas S. Monson
"There's no elevator to success. You have to take the stairs."
So, you know that moment when nothing will ever be the same? Having a baby is definitely one of those moments. There I was in the hospital holding a brand-new person--our little son. "How could he be so small? Look at his sweet little feet and long fingers. I think he looks like his dad. I love his tiny ears and cute lips. Shouldn't he be fatter? Wait a minute, I'm supposed to be the one keeping him alive? I don't think I'm responsible enough for this job. I'm his mommy? His only mommy? What if I make a mistake?" And that's how it began. I had watched my mother raise her children. I had read as much as I could on the topic and now it was go time. I felt ready going into the hospital but didn't feel as ready coming out. At one point I remember thinking, "Who's plan was this, sending a child home with a 22 year old mom and a 23 year old dad? Is that even legal? And if it is, is it safe?" Then I remembered who's plan it was and knew that we wouldn't be alone and that it was a fantastic plan.
Aaron
The more I learn about the plan the more brilliant it becomes. Did you know that our bodies help us love our babies? There is a hormone that new mothers have that when administered to men increased their trust/ love quotient. I believe it comes earlier than childbirth. In my normal brain I see a baby and think, "So cute, but that looks like a lot of work." In the last stages of pregnancy I see a baby and want to cry because they're so precious.
Gabe
Recently I read an article about the new baby smell. It lights up the pleasure center in our brain. God knew we'd be experiencing less sleep and lots of bodily fluids with a newborn, so he made them smell delicious. That way we can be happy in our new increased level of service opportunities.
And speaking of service, here's one of the best parts of the plan. Elder Richard G Scott stated this truth, "Fill your life with service to others. As you lose your life in the service of Father in Heaven's children, Satan's temptations lose power in your life." I don't know if I really served very much before motherhood. I thought I did, but it was sporadic with most of my energies spent on taking care of me. As mom's know, that ratio completely changes and that was a wonderful, necessary change. Don't worry, I still spent a lot of energy taking care of yo, but now I know that if I really want to be happy, I use my day to make others happy.
Jacob
In all the wonderfulness of new motherhood, however, there are some hairy-scary parts. Everyone knows about them, everyone blogs about them. But here are some things that I would tell my daughter if she was having a baby (which she is) and which I have told my daughter-in-laws whether they really wanted to hear it or not. (Thanks for listening politely.)
When I was in the hospital an older nurse came in to prepare me for checkout. One of the things she told me was "Stay in your pajamas for at least a week. Then people won't forget that you need to rest." I doubted the wisdom in that and brushed it off as "old school." I was determined that I was young and healthy and was definitely a candidate for the "They bore their babies in the field and went right back to work" club. A couple of days after being home I walked across campus to show my baby to my friends at my old job. Dumb. Of course my bleeding increased and I felt light-headed. On Sunday, I decided I didn't want to miss church but was surprised at how far it was from the parking lot and how long the hallways were. People commented that they were surprised to see me there. At first I felt "hooah" and complimented, but as the hour wore on, and I felt weaker. I realized I should have stayed home on the couch. Dumb again. Childbirth is a big deal. Your body needs to heal. Stay in your pajamas and lay around on the couch as much as possible.
Nathan
One other real hazard that everyone needs to prepare themselves for is postpartum blues. Right after delivery there is so much joy and elation, and the world is your family's oyster. At about the time a mom leaves the hospital the hormones take a dip that can take the world with them. All I can say is the house better be clean because mom isn't going to be happy and the world is not your family's oyster. This shouldn't last too long. It's normal. It's real. If it continues contact your healthcare professionals.
My photographer daughter-in-law knows that the perfect time to photograph a baby is at 10-14 days from birth. This is because they sleep like, well, babies. Once sleeping, they can't be woken up. I have a theory on this. God is giving new moms 2 weeks to rest and get strong. The baby's activities are sleeping and eating so the mommy's activities should be sleeping and nursing. After 2 weeks all bets are off. Just like clockwork, after 2 weeks all my babies, but one, started crying.. a lot.
Eliza
Crying is perfectly engineered to cause mothers and fathers to take action. We become motivated scientists performing experiment after experiment, feed the baby more, burp the baby more, change the baby more, make them warmer, make them cooler, lie them on their side, bounce them, swaddle them, shush them, swing them. If we're nursing we eat more, drink more, rest more, eat fewer acidic foods, no chocolate, no carbonated drinks, no spices, no onions. And then sometimes the baby still cries and I've got nothing else for you except don't take it personally. Babies cry. Read all about it if you want, but be comforted to know that the period of P.U.R.P.L.E.(Peak of crying, Unexpected, Resists Soothing, Pain like face, Long-lasting, Evening) crying is typically from 2 weeks to 3 or 4 months and is normal if not enjoyable. Have a good book-paperback, so you can hold it with one hand while you bounce your baby with the other, and be comforted with the thought of all the virtues you are developing: patience, compassion, creativity, resilience, and hopefully, your sense of humor.
Daniel
To-do lists. I love them. They give me direction and a sense of accomplishment. BC (before children) my list might say: study for test, write paper, work-out, write in journal, clean bathrooms, go to concert, call friend, make dessert for party. Well, when you're a new mother you can still have a list, but don't undermine your feelings of self-worth by putting too much emphasis on the big specific actions. Think small, flexible and eternal. It should look like this: 1.Brush teeth. 2. Nourish God's child/children. 3. Keep God's child/children alive. 4. Love God's child/children. 5. Thank husband for being so awesome. 6. Love Husband. 7. Pray. That's a full day's list. If I accomplish something unexpected I write it on the list at the end of the day and cross it off. Who knew I would have time to put a load of laundry in the washer (it doesn't matter that I didn't get it to the dryer.) Count it.
Brandon
The most important change that came to me from becoming a mother is that children and their bond with their parents became sacred to me. When I was up with my baby at 2:00 in the morning and it was just the two of us and God, sometimes I just felt tired, but sometimes I had perfect clarity of love and life and family. One such experience happened on the night before I was to be speaking to some youth from our church. I knew I needed to feel rested for the next day, but as I rocked my son with his little head on my shoulder and his heart beating next to mine, I was overwhelmed with the love God had for both of us and just as God's love is eternal, a mother's love is also eternal. And rocking my son was exactly what I wanted to do at 2:00 that morning.
Andrew
And now that I'm changed I can't see any humor in the movie "Raising Arizona." That baby has been separated from his mother and is in danger. While everyone else in the room is laughing at the mishaps, I'm horrified with angry, desperate tears stinging my eyes. When I watch "Prince of Egypt" and Moses' mother puts him in the basket and Baby Moses is riding the swollen river my mother heart swells with emotion and I, of course, cry. And if I'm singing in a choir and we're singing "Mary's Lullaby-Tonight You Are Mine" I am rendered incapable of producing an audible sound because of my tears of gratitude to Mary for bringing a son into the world that was born to die, and I'm not only thankful for His sacrifice, but his mother's as well.
Elder Neil L. Anderson quoted a blogger in his General Conference Talk: "Children." He said, “Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.”7
Then he taught, "Having young children is not easy. Many days are just difficult. A young mother got on a bus with seven children. The bus driver asked, “Are these all yours, lady? Or is it a picnic?”
“They’re all mine,” she replied. “And it’s no picnic!”8“ In Mark 9:36-37 we read, "And [Jesus] took a child … in his arms [and] said …
“Whosoever shall receive one of such children in my name, receiveth me: and whosoever shall receive me, receiveth … him that sent me.”
I appreciated this message because sometimes as mothers we get weary, and we see the drudgery, but miss the holiness of raising God's children. Let's not miss the holiness.
Well, Miss Rebecca, it's been 16 fantastic years since God sent you to the Stoker house. Thank you for making us giggle and making us want to be better and making us feel loved. You have always been an angel baby and you still are. I'm happy that I have a couple more years to have you living in my house, filling our world with music and truth Your future is bright and your eternity is brighter. I love you SO MUCH. xoxoxoxoxox
Rebecca is a serious musician, but this is the music I love the most from her.
It's hard to get this girl to stop for a picture so
This is a Great Gatsby dance/Science Fair combo
Once when I was anticipating a long and boring layover in the Denver Airport, I happily ran into a friend and her husband from Nebraska. We began chatting, and our conversation turned to labor and delivery stories. You know how we do. We're definitely bragging. It's like recounting old sports victories. Well after patiently listening for a while the husband wryly interjected, "How 'bout them Huskers?" Point taken, but in my black heart, ever since that day, I've imagined interrupting a "Who should win the Heisman this year" conversation with, "This one time, my water broke :)"
For those of you still reading, I do not pretend to be a health care professional, but I want to share a few opinions I've developed and tips I've learned about baby making, just mom to mom.
There is a wonderful article by Valerie Hudson Cassler that casts a beautiful light on the privilege of bearing children. She starts at the beginning with Eve in the Garden of Eden. "It is through women that souls journey to mortality and gain their agency, and in general it is through the nurturing of women, their nurturing love of their children, that the light of Christ is awakened within each soul. And we should include in that list of souls Jesus the Christ. Even Christ our Lord was escorted to mortality and veiled in flesh through the gift of a woman..."
By understanding the magnitude and importance of child bearing we position ourselves to live it well, give freely what we have and prepare ourselves to give up a few things that we may or may not have again until the resurrection.
My daughter was right when she commented that pregnancy is like Russian roulette. You never know when you're going to escape the bullet. For instance, my mother was always nauseated for the first few months. She was 3 months pregnant when I got married, and I remember her telling me that she may not make it to my wedding if she didn't feel good enough. At the time I was incensed. "You would miss my wedding because you're feeling nauseated?" Then when it was me 3 months pregnant I saw the light, "I can't plan anything. I'm nauseated." Luckily, my daughter missed the nausea bullet this time, but this is more rare than common. For all the other moms who have been hit just remember, this is nature's way of helping you take care of yourself and your baby. If not for sickness you could easily carry on as if nothing was different, skipping meals, staying up late. But this way, knowing that you'll pretty much throw up if you let yourself get tired or hungry, you take naps and snack throughout the day. Speaking of snacks, I recommend natural whole almonds. They aren't greasy or crumbly, can easily fit in your pocket and don't smell weird.
One more tip on nausea-adrenalin is your friend. You think you don't want to leave the house or be with people, but that little surge of adrenalin that attends change and excitement can take the edge off. Say yes to parties.
Once again exercise is on the must-do list. You want to be strong for labor and as sane as possible so your family will have positive associations with pregnancy. I say this laughing because a very common emotion that comes with the marvelous state that is expecting is "If I suffer, we all suffer," Let's try and make that a short stage, maybe a blip or two.
Growth is good. There's lots of talk about baby bumps. Whatever, more like major metamorphosis of the entire body. My friends would comment on their baby weight gain. My true friends would say numbers like 35, 40, 45. Once my total gain hit 35 I stopped doing the math. I can't tell what I don't know, but it was a high number. But what do we expect? We're feeding a child who's growing a million cells a second, (that may not be quite accurate) and our body is preparing to support nursing a baby, so embrace the growth...everywhere.
The good news is that when we're pregnant we have great hair. Be prepared for it to fall out after delivery, but in the meantime it's thick and shiny. Play to your strengths. Get a great haircut, style it, it's your best pregnant-body feature. While the rest of your you is waxing and waning, your hair is shining, so work it. And once again I want to emphasize the importance of mascara.
The last trimester is designed to prepare you for labor physically and mentally. When you're tired of going to the bathroom every 30 minutes and you'd give anything for one really good breath, and people say things like, "You're ready to pop." (I'd like to pop them) and "Woah, when's that baby due?" And "Are you still here?" (Clearly they didn't see you crying hysterically in the Dr's. office because you believe with all your heart that you will never be unpregnant) then you're ready to trade pregnancy for labor.
Now it's time for delivery. For those of you who are pregnant but have never delivered, as you get close to your due date you'll wonder if those braxton-hicks contractions are labor. They can be regular and uncomfortable, but real contractions have a zing. Real labor is undeniable.
I like to walk around for a while before going to the hospital. I hesitate to suggest this if you don't know your typical labor ways, but I do remember on my 7th child not wanting to go to the hospital yet. It was snowing outside and my husband did not feel comfortable taking the chance of bad roads. We compromised. I went to the hospital, but didn't check in. I hung out in the lobby. It was perfect because a friend of mine had delivered the day before, and so I got to chat with her and then ran into her visitors in the hall. When I decided I wanted to check in I was practically ready to deliver.
(TMI alert) This one time, my water really did break. I think this should be more of an open topic because I know of no protocol for proper moving through public places after having one's water break. I had tried to prepare for the outing to the hospital with my normal feminine options, but this did not prove sufficient. As my husband and I passed random strangers in the hall I remember directing my husband to "Walk in front of me, now walk behind me." It was hilariously awkward as I couldn't believe this was really my life, and why hadn't I seen anyone else walking around society leaking amniotic fluid? I read in a friend's blog that she wrapped herself in a towel and headed to the hospital. Are there any better options out there? I'd seriously like to know.
Here are my opinions on labor. 1. Screaming doesn't help. 2. Breathing helps. 3. Wiggling your toes helps. 4. Warm whirlpool baths help. (I want one for 3 hours. 20 minutes is not long enough.) 5. Praying helps. 6. Being thankful to be a co-creator with God and remembering the Savior's sacrifice helps. 7. A loving husband and calm and capable doctor help. 8. A sense of humor helps. (a note here. No one should be telling any jokes but mom. Anyone else who dares to be funny risks elimination.)
And then the baby, the little person that you have been with for 9 months. That wiggling, kicking, hiccupping bone of your bone flesh of your flesh is in your arms. This will be one of your best friends forever. You will know them better than anyone else and love them better than anyone else. You will be the one who loves them when they feel no one else does. You will be the one they want to call when they're sick or hurt or life is hard. You will teach them about God and love and faith and hope. It's a big job, but it's yours and you were chosen for each other, not because you're perfect, but because it's right. And God will help you do it.
"Once upon a time," began my mother's soft voice . I knew something wonderful was coming. It could be new, but more often than not is was familiar and beloved. It might be "The 3 bears" teaching me that it is very bad manners to go into someone's house and use their things without asking, not to mention that horrifying moment when one is caught in the act. Or maybe it would be "Rumplestiltskin" bringing home the lesson that one should never put on airs and pretend to be something they're not, and all promises need to be kept unless it has to do with losing your first-born child in which case there might be escape through a miracle. "The 3 little pigs" taught me to be wise and put the time into a job well done. Build for the future. And in my mother's story the wolf didn't boil in a pot, that would be mean. He ran away, never to be seen again.
My Dad delivered an excellent version of the "Brave little tailor" much better than the Disney version. His story could last through 3 bedtimes and fill the days in-between with rapt anticipation. When he was done I felt confident that I was clever enough to outwit any giant His "Wind and the Sun" telling clearly demonstrated that smiling warmth was much more influential than threatening, bitter cold. (One can never review that lesson too much.) And "Town Mouse and Country Mouse" always reminded me to be thankful for the blessings I had and not to trade my country grain for a city cat.
The memories of these voices telling these stories have become dear treasures. I'm sad to report that I did not do as much story telling to my own children, but I did read them books. My favorite books were of course from my childhood. "Harry the Dirty Dog" taught my children that if they didn't take a bath their own family wouldn't recognize them. Wait, maybe that's only if you're a dog. "The Country Bunny and the Little Gold Shoes" is a personal favorite as the devoted mother of 21 little cottontail bunnies is chosen to be one of the Easter Bunnies because of the skills she developed through raising a family, which I'm pretty sure is true. Thanks to E-Bay I was able to procure "Brenda Brave Helps Grandmother" written by Astrid Lundgren, copyright 1961. My mother read this special story to me when I was a little girl of Christmas sacrifice and love.
I'm bringing this up because speaking of cherished memories, my husband finally found the book, "Woah Joey." on e-bay. This was a little book that he read a million times to our first little boys, the book that Daniel learned to read by. Of course, upon arrival, Paul sat down and read it to Gabe, our 13 yr. old last-born, who seemed a little confused as to what all the fuss was about. When he read the words, a flood of sweet memories came rushing to my mind of bedtimes and babies and a countless readings of stories, and I realized the power of pictures and words and laps and and loved ones. With that in mind, I'd like to share a list of some of my favorite books that we (Paul and I) read to some of my favorite people on the planet:
"Saint George and the Dragon" retold by Margaret Hodges- The moral of this story is that with discipline and diligence you can slay the dragon and get the girl. Paul was the best reader of this tale. I have been accused of skipping pages to make the story shorter. I will neither confirm nor deny, but it's a favorite with the boys.
"Grumpets in Trumpet Land" by Peter Cross was an intricately designed tale of communities (war) who's study could take the whole evening. A perfect choice for a child hoping for a later bedtime.
"The King with Six Friends" by Jay Williams is a book on leadership where we combine talents for greater success.
"Sylvester and the Magic Pebble" by William Steig teaches us to be careful and wise with power and don't forget there's nothing more important than the love of family.
"Yertle the Turtle and other stories was another favorite read by Paul that teaches us not to be power hungry, vain, or boastful.
"Tikki Tikki Tembo" by Arlene Mosel reassures us that being regular has its benefits.
I loved reading "The Kissing Hand" by Audrey Penn. " Mommy loves you," is the very important message.
Another favorite of mine was "The Mystery of the Boy Next Door" by Elizabeth Rider Montgomery which teaches us to be kind and not judge when we don't know a person's circumstance.
I got a lot of requests for "A Fox Jumped Up One Winter's Night" mostly because my parents had the record so I could sing the words.
But, the most requested book for me was "Mommy, Do I Have to Serve a Mission?" by Toni Sorenson Brown. The boys liked to see how long it would take me to cry as I read about the little boy who grew up to be a missionary. I usually got to "Once there was a little boy who loved his mommy." before my voice started to crack.
Now I read to my grandchildren. When I'm at their house I read their books. One time Caleb asked me to come into his room and watch him play. He had a pretty extensive Star Wars Battle in the works. He asked me to read him a book. The book he chose was the Clone Wars Encyclopedia. The moral of this book is ..um... it's good to have cool weapons. As I read a million profiles of a million characters I wondered if it mattered that I was reading. Then came these sweet words, "I like it when you read to me Grandma. I like the sound of your voice." And then my heart melted.
