"You'd better get your booty in here now."

In our church we are advised to set aside Monday night for Family Home Evening.  Family home evening is for everyone, including recently married couples, fathers and mothers with children, single parents with children, parents who have no children at home, single adults in home evening groups, and those who live alone or with roommates.  The First Presidency said: "We promise you great blessings if you will follow the Lord's counsel and hold regular family home evenings.  We pray constantly that parents in the Church will accept their responsibility to teach and exemplify gospel principles to their children."  A suggested outline for family home evening follows:

• Opening song (by the family)
• Opening prayer (by a family member)
• Poem or scripture reading (by a family member)
• Lesson (by the father, mother, or an older child)
• Activity (led by a family member and with all family members participating)
• Closing song (by the family)
• Closing prayer (by a family member)
• Refreshments

I grew up in a home that had family home evenings every Monday night.  My memory of this time is fairly ideal.  I don't remember complaining or making any negative contributions whatsoever as a child.  Okay, I do remember arguing with my Dad one time because he wouldn't let me go to an activity with my friends on family night.  Other than that I'm sure it was perfect.  We gathered around lovingly while one of my parents gave an inspiring lesson.  We sang "Love at Home" in harmony.  Well, sometimes we sang "Oh We're From Nairobi", and "Down By the Old Mill Stream,"  but those were definitely sung in harmony.  We played "Here comes the Jolly Butcher Boy Seeking For His Trade," a marvelous game that I'd be happy to explain to anyone who wants to know.  Then we had delicious refreshments that we took turns choosing.  Well, maybe once when it was my turn I bought a box that had cheese cake on the front, but we needed a crust, cream cheese, etc. to actually make cheesecake.  We did not have cheesecake for refreshments that night.

You can imagine my surprise when I was the mom and ready to take my responsibility to teach my lovely children about the love of God and families at our weekly family home evenings and things were a little...less than ideal.  One Monday night, when my first 2 children were 3.5 and 2 yrs. old., we invited a young couple that hadn't been blessed with children yet to share the evening with us.  I thought maybe their FHE's were boring.  I carefully prepared the boys in their parts so their contribution would be meaningful.  It was time for them to perform.  They wiggled and giggled and bugged until there was no going back to the lesson.  The adults were giggling a bit also, well, not really me.  This hadn't gone according to my picture at all.  (As if that's part of parenting...ever.) At least the evening wasn't boring, except the part where I was telling my children to "stand up straight," "say it nicely," "stop pushing..."  I adjusted my picture a bit since I had grown up in a family of mostly girls, and I was raising a family of mostly boys, and they were children, and I probably didn't really have a very clear memory of what FHE was like for my parents when I was a child anyway.

Emergency Preparedness lesson.
"Let's try out our emergency ladder
that's been under the bed for months."

When I talk to my children about their FHE experiences I realize that one of the most important benefits of regular family night is the traditions born from many nights together.  When my children were little I played a tape of children's songs  by Janeen Brady.  One of the songs is called "Hey, Everybody it's Family Night."  The song starts with the title and then continues, "You'd better take the phone off the hook.  Hey everybody it's family night.  I've already got the family night book."  It goes on with some more happy words, but the Stoker version evolved and stuck.  Every Paul and Laurie Stoker child would agree that when it's time for Family Home Evening we sing, "Hey Everybody It's Family Night, you'd better get your booty in here now!"

The traditional treat is ice cream, sometimes with toppings, sometimes without.  The most common opening songs are "I Am and Child of God." and "Love at Home."  I love the talk in General Conference where Julie B. Beck asked her father why they were singing "Love at Home" again.  He answered, "When you learn lesson one, we'll move on to lesson two."  One of the sad realities of our family night is there is always some teenager with homework issues.  They are pretty sure they don't have time to gather with their family (see above promise for courage in this situation).  More often than I'd like to admit the opening song has been,  "Listen to the Still Small Voice," not for the message but because it is the shortest song in the songbook.

No child mentioned anything about the lessons when recounting their FHE memories, but we always have them.  Sometimes someone shares a story from a church magazine.  We have highlighted General Conference talks.  Lessons have been taught from the Gospel Art Scripture Pictures or something someone learned in church.  My favorite lessons have been given by the children.  I remember once when the big brothers all took turns teaching Gabe (the youngest) basic gospel principles to make sure he knew everything he needed to know for life.    Another part of our reality is there is always someone from the previously mentioned "academic-crisis-camp" that says,"I hope the lesson is short."

Apparently the most memorable aspect of Family Home Evening is the game.  The rule is: Everyone has to play.  There has been a favorite game for each season of our family's evolution.  We started out playing a lot of "Duck, duck, goose."  (In Minnesota this is called "Duck, duck, grey duck.")  We played  field hockey.  I knew we were making progress when we could play without someone sitting on the deck for high sticking.  Four-square was big for a while, but that was awkward because all the neighborhood could hear us arguing over rules and points. (Love at home)  Big Booty was another favorite, mostly because it's really fun to say, "Big Bootyyyyy, big booty, oh yeah."

Big Booty with the Johnson cousins

When we were once again overpowered by the homework junkies/responsible students there was a lot of pressure to play a short game after our short lesson.  The game of choice was "Dip, dip, dip."  We huddled in a circle, stomped and chanted "Dip, dip, dip.   Dip, dip, dip and then looked at someone in the circle.  If you looked at someone looking at you, you both were out.  The last one standing was the victor.  We could play 3 rounds of this game in about 7 minutes.

Thankfully we are now in a phase with a youngest child who will have none of this short-game-nonsense.  He wants his fair share of family fun.  He feels like he missed out on much of the family action and is slowly being deserted by his older siblings.  He realizes that very soon it will be down to him and the parents.  He'll have all the jobs and none of the fun.  I remind him that he'll have all the toys too.  It's a small consolation for being left with no one to play with.  So he insists that we have proper game time.  Right now, we play a lot of "Perudo."  It's funny how with our fewer numbers we can all be home, but not together.  It's FHE and family scripture study that brings us onto the couches, shoulder to shoulder.  Some of our best conversations happen  between "Let's have a prayer" and the actual prayer.  I love sitting around with my family playing Perudo or Dutch Blitz, and without family night, how would we know when the games begin?  And you know what?  Andrew gave a really nice lesson this last week.  What a blessing.

Happy Birthday Jeanne Rosamund Dale Wallace Stoker (Paul's Mom.)

Mom Stoker has not been with us since January 17, 2006, but she was a wonderful lady and I want to feature her for her birthday.

Baby Jeanne and her sister Margaret (Peggy)

Jeanne was born Sept 6, 1921 in Manchester, England to Agnes Pollock Watson and Robert Vincent Wallace.  According to a wonderful talk given by her daughter, Cathy, at her funeral, she was named after a character in a book.  Her mom called her Jeanne and her dad called her Dale.  She was born at home in a scrubbed down disinfected room. She had blue eyes and dark brown hair.

Her father worked as private secretary and chauffeur for Governor General of Canada, Vincent Massey, who was an ambassador.  Because of this, she lived in Toronto, London, and Washington DC.

As a child, Jeanne lived with her family on Massey's estate and grew up playing with her 2 friends Ruthie Peters and Aline Athey.  She liked to swim and go horseback riding, play with farm animals, fish, and climb
trees.  In the winter her father would flood the backyard so the children could ice skate.

Jeanne and  Peggy

Back row-Peggy  Front row-Campbell, Beatson, JeanneWallace

Me, Judy Koch Wallace (Beatson's wife), Agnes P. Wallace (Jeanne's mother) Beatson Wallace (Jeanne's brother) Jeanne and Don Stoker 1983

In 2nd and 3rd grade she attended a one room school house in Canada.  She was the only girl out of 10 students.  She liked to play basketball, but frequently got hit in the face and her glasses would break.  She didn't want anyone to know so she put them in her satchel.  When she got home her Dad would say, "Where are they?"  Getting them fixed was a common occurrence.

When she was in school in London she was the only student in the class to solve an English problem, but her brother had helped her.  She went up to her teacher who was the head master and told him she'd had help.  He commended her for being honest.

Jeanne liked to run.  However sometimes when she ran races she would turn around to look at the competition.  Those races she didn't win, but if she kept her eyes on the goal sometimes she did win.

Her hobbies were collecting spoons, postcards, stamps, coins and china tea cups.  She loved playing with and collecting dolls.  When I first went to the Stoker home I was impressed with the nice collection of Madame Alexander dolls in Jeanne's daughter's room .  When I had daughters Grandma Stoker bought each of them a very special American Girl Doll.  Actually, I believe Cathy facilitated Rebecca's acquisition to carry on the lovely tradition.

Jeanne liked board games and jigsaw puzzles.  She liked to make scrapbooks, especially of the Royal Family in England.  She enjoyed singing and sang in youth choir and adult choir in church.  She played violin for a few years.  She had a wonderful knitting talent and won first place in the Utah State fair for a baby blanket.  Each of her adult children received one of these beautiful blankets when they had their first child.

She liked to attend the ballet and plays and enjoyed going to dances at the church with her husband.  She also liked movies.  Her favorite movies were Sound of Music, Wizard of Oz, and Shirley Temple movies.  Her favorite book was Little Women.

She was afraid of heights and being alone in the fog.  Once she had gotten lost in the fog and a bobby  (british police officer) had to help her home.

Jeanne's father was a military officer during World War I and World War II.   He was away from the family for 7 years.  In 1938, while living in England, she carried a little gas mask to school in a box with a shoulder strap.  Once she forgot her mask and was sent home.  They had to hang black drapes in windows at night so no light could be seen from outside.

In 1939 her mother decided to take the family back to Canada.  They were booked to sail on the cruise line Athenia, but her mother had a strong feeling not to take the ship.  Private ships were supposed to be safe from war actions, but the ship was sunk and never arrived in Canada.  They boarded the Empress of Australia and although they were chased by German subs, they arrived safely.  Unfortunately her father was not notified of their safety for a time and believed his family had perished on the Athenia.

Jeanne loved her father and wrote this letter when she was 20 yrs. old in Salt Lake City, UT. Her father was in Devon, England:  "Dear Daddy: This is your blue-eyed Daughter, wishing you a very Happy Birthday.  If I could be near you, I would just squeeze you to death.  You are ever in my thoughts and I wish you every happiness."

Engagement picture

While she was in Salt Lake she met Don Stoker at the "Rainbow Rendezvous." They were married August 27, 1946.  Their honeymoon was a bus trip to California.  They lived in Salt Lake City and when Don graduated from Law School  moved to California where they lived for 51 years.

719 Esther Way, Redlands, CA

 She has been a citizen of 3 countries.  She was born in England, became a citizen of Canada, and on Feb. 19, 1948  became a citizen of the United States of America.

Jeanne and Don had 5 children who were all well-educated.  When the children received their degree/degrees they tossed the tassel onto a decanter in their mom's china hutch.  Although she didn't get to graduate from college it seemed as if those tassels belonged to her. She was a faithful and dedicated mother.

Don and Jeanne with their children John, Don, Paul, Cathy and Barbara

Jeanne was a Primary/Sunday School worker for 40 years.  She loved teaching the CTR 8 class and preparing the children for baptism.  In her later years her daughter, Cathy, visited the home ward where the leader asked everyone who had had Jeanne Stoker as a teacher or worked with her in Primary to stand.  Cathy was surprised at the amount of people standing.

She was a generous and wonderful grandmother.  She stayed in her grandchildren's lives by sending packages filled with fruit snacks, granola bars and other treats and remembering their birthdays. She liked her grandchildren to look nice so kept them in StrideRite shoes and Easter outfits.  She always requested that the little boys have their picture taken in short pants so she could "see their cute little knees."

At Thanksgiving, 2004 she was asked what she would want her family to know if she died.  Her response was, "I will have them in the next world.  I want them to know the church is true and that we all have to earn a testimony as we go through life.   Our Heavenly Father is very pleased with us when we keep the commandments and choose right from wrong.  I want my children to know that I love them all very much and hope they realize that the things I have done have been for their best interest.  I pray for a good life for all of them."

Grandma Stoker with Daniel, David, Emily and Mark

Grandma with Nathan

Grandma and Paul with Aaron

Grandma with Eliza and Rebecca

Happy Birthday Nathan

By the time this cute little guy was born we had our name formula figured out: first name-from the scriptures, middle name-from the family.  Nathan was a prophet in the Old Testament, not a a super well-known figure but what a great name, right?  His middle name was Robert after my father and his great grandfather on Paul's side. 

When Nathan was two he taught me that learning games are fun.  I went into the bathroom and found him drawing with a toothbrush on the mirror.  He smiled at me and said, "I'm drawing an "M", see?  Now you go out and I'll draw and that will be real fun."  He still thinks learning is fun.

Living with little Nathan I realized that angels are protecting the children.  He ran everywhere and it seemed that he fell between things a lot more than he fell against them. Once we were at the zoo in NE (think craziest weather in the world) when a little whirlwind came gusting by.  A limb came tumbling off a tree down onto my baby.  There he stood right in-between branches that had fallen on either side of him.  He looked at me with concern and asked, "Who threw that stick at me?"

Nathan always had a hero so I learned to be careful with the heroes I presented my children through media, etc.  When he was about 4 he told his Sunday School teacher, "Nathan is my real name, but Luke is my cool name.  He pretended to be Superman, Kale from Willow (totally against the family rules because Kale was a bad guy), Ghostbusters and those guys from the 3 sports hero cartoon.  What was the name of that show?  Nathan and Aaron spent hours with paper bringing heroship to life.

Nathan made a ghost trap with paper.  It had a pedal that he would step on when they were in ghost trouble. Then Aaron would slip over to the closed trap in ghost-busterly fashion and manually open the trap so it could suck the ghost in.

They made paper hockey pucks for their sports hero TV show games.  Wayne Gretzky was one of the characters. There were a wide variety of pucks, but I was always a little confused with the benefits of the cheese hockey puck.  Insights anyone?  So basically the lesson is that you can make anything with a little paper and scotch tape.  I do remember a friend coming into my living room and proclaiming, "Wow.  I would never let my kids do this."  I'm not sure that was a compliment.

This is not a true representation of the typical white storm of paper that inhabited my living room when  there was construction afoot.

One more thing we learn from Nathan is that Pound Puppies are awesome.  If you could see the happiness on his face after a pound puppy purchase, you also would take him to the store a million times.

As Nathan grew older he didn't get in trouble very often, but when he did he said, "OK, I'll fix it."  Isn't it great to know things can be fixed?  We can change.  We don't have to repeat our mistakes.  We can apologize.  I had a decorative door harp that he wanted to play for real.  Unfortunately he broke one of the strings, but he told me, "It's okay. I fixed it."  I looked and saw his sweet little-boy fix-it job with scotch tape, (what else?) and my heart melted.  I left the tape on for a long time so I could remember, "It's OK.  We can fix it.

Happy Birthday Nathan Robert (Luke) Stoker.  Thanks for being great.

Life's a little happier with a sister.

I read a study recently that claimed children with sisters were slightly happier than children with no sisters.  They weren't exactly sure why, but they made some guesses.  I believe the study, but I have my own theories as to why life is happier with a sister.

1.  They prevent you from having a lacy ruffle deficiency in your family.  


2.  They like to snuggle

  3.  They teach you how to be a lady.

4.  They make sure you're spending enough time with books and babies.

5.  Sisters teach you that "My Little Pony" checkers can be worthy opponents to your LEGO checkers and respect the tutu.

6.  They teach you that Darth Vader isn't as scary as he seems.

7.  They make sure there's enough pink at the beach.

8.They're great pals at the strawberry patch.

9.  They hold onto you so you don't fall.

10.  They bring out your "soft" side.

11.  They add beauty to their surroundings.

12.  They challenge you to reach new heights and develop all your talents.

13.  And besides, what would Harry do without Hermione?

Still developing

Last week in Sunday school one of my cutest friends made a comment.  We were discussing perfection, and she shared that the scripture Matthew 5:48 "Be ye therefore perfect even as your Father which is in Heaven is perfect" has a footnote.  The Greek definition of this word "perfect" is complete, finished or fully developed. She said, "I'm kind of a perfectionist by nature so I  get stressed out by this scripture, but after reading and understanding the footnote I decided I need to just calm down!"  She made me laugh, but she also brought peace to my soul.

I remember watching a home movie of a teenage family friend.  In this movie he was 18 months old.  He was trying to put a darling yellow sweater on.  He put one arm through, finally got the other arm and discovered it was upside down.  He took it off and tried again.  He struggled and struggled and never gave up.  As I watched this movie I was dying from the cuteness and crying at the earnestness of this baby.  It occurred to me, maybe this is how God feels when he watches us struggle.  We're just babies, doing our best, making mistakes but never giving up.  He adores us and is pleased by our efforts.

I don't expect my 3 month old to know how to walk or my 3 yr. old to know how to read, or my 10 year old to be ready to drive.  When they do learn these things I know they won't be perfect at first.  That's why they have a thing called "reading level."  They're developing.

I'm developing too.   So when I turn the wrong burner on and wonder why my water won't boil, or push the button to open the trunk instead of unlock the car, or run upstairs to do something and do something else and run down only to remember and have to run upstairs again, or get the wrong time, or address, or date, no worries, I'm just developing.

Now, for the application to life.  I spend some time stressing myself and my kids out with my striving for (obsessing over) perfection.  Are we studying enough, practicing enough, working enough, serving enough, striving enough...?  Basically, I'm saying, "Fully develop faster!"  My daughter shared some wisdom with me.  She is the choir accompanist  at our church.  During choir practice a week before the performance I noticed she had made some errors.  In the days following, she diligently, but not frantically, practiced the piano.  The day of the performance I observed that we had some spare minutes. Focusing on the errors in my memory I urged, "You'd better practice a few more times."  She calmly replied, "I'll gladly practice, but I've found that if I obsess over perfection and worry about making mistakes, music loses the spirit and the joy.  Don't worry about me, Mom, it will be fine."  And it was.  This girl is definitely developing.

So, back to the original observation.  I just need to calm down!

New pencils and gleaming white socks.

My first day of kindergarten a long time ago.

Well, Monday was my, lets see..., approximately 41st first day of school.  That, of course, depends on whether we count only fall semester or winter semester also in college.  And you must know that I'm counting years as the mother of students.  And can I say that the first day of school as a mother is possibly more terrifying than it was as a student.

After realizing how experienced I am in first-day of-schoolses  I decided to make a few lists:  Things that make me smile, things that make me cry, things that make me smile again.

Things that make me smile:  New pencils, spiffy looking schools and classrooms,  children in spankin' new clothes, socks so white they're gleaming, seeing the people you haven't seen all summer that you promised you'd hang out with but didn't, having a class with someone you wanted to get to know better, plaid skirts, football season, universal confusion that makes my confusion okay and even expected.

Things that make me cry:  Going to Walmart for the 7th time because no matter how hard we try we can't get the supply list right;  First-day-of-school-eve insomnia-  I know even the teachers don't sleep well, but doesn't that make for a rather volatile situation?  Music fees, locker fees, parking fees, testing fees-  it's my responsibility to pay for these privileges, but somehow I don't anticipate the magnitude of my output in my August budget :(  Filling out the "parent homework" and signing up for the campus-infinity-charms-this will be just the ticket if you can remember your password so you can find your way back to this site because if you don't you're a bad parent and your child will fail this class-websites; The fear in my children's eyes.

Things that make me smile again:  We have had more than a few years when all my children have been in a new situation.  They have survived and been strengthened by these times, but I sure love all the people who made their path easier.  This year I have one senior who's never had it so good.  It's his third year in the same school.  He doesn't have one class where he knows no one.  He's taking guitar.  He parks in the senior parking lot.  I just hope he has teachers who make him accountable.  I wouldn't mind if his swagger looked a little more like a purposeful, arduous climb towards greater heights.

My little second-to-lasty started 9th grade.  Not only is she new in high school, but her middle school population fed into 4 different high schools.  There is lots of potential for meeting new people, but as a mother I really wanted her to have a friend here and there, you know, someone to eat lunch with.  By the way, isn't that one of a mother's greatest fears?  I probably should get over that.  There are a lot worse things than eating lunch alone, like sitting at a table with a lot of friendly drug dealers or being in the hospital and not starting school at all...perspective, people. Anyway, I'm very thankful to her big brother's friends for saying, "Hey little freshman girl, would you like to sit here?"  I'm also thankful for my daughter who told me  cheerfully without any fear or concern,  "I just looked around.  There are lots of people to sit by."  Thank you dear, for being way more grounded than I was when I was 14.

My baby started middle school.  He went to "Meet the teacher" with his siblings because his mother  (yours truly) was out of town. Honestly, they did an awesome job.  His sister introduced him around to all the important people (teachers, principal, bus driver, office lady.)  His big brother told him if any one gave him any trouble not to worry, he'd beat them up.  (Then we wouldn't have any trouble at all :)  Of course he couldn't get his locker open, but as luck would have it , it really was broken and he didn't have a locker for 3 days.  This actually worked out great.  He didn't have the stress of getting to class on time if he couldn't work the locker and he had all his stuff with him in his back pack.  Then best of all, the vice principal gave him a free ticket for "Bronco ice" for his inconvenience. That's a treat that I would not have provided, so his life rocked.  And his home room teacher smiles, a lot.  And that makes all the difference.

Brandon, Daniel, Nathan, kindergarten Aaron

Daniel's first day of kindergarten

Jacob

Andrew and his amazing pencil, Rebecca (cute kindergartener) Eliza, Jacob, pre-school Gabe

Kindergarten Gabe, Rebecca

I think we're going to make it, and by we I mean me.  There's never any question that the kids will make it.  They always do.

More Happy Birthday Dad 2012

When we were little Dad sang these songs at bedtime.  The second song sometimes made him cry and sometimes made me cry too.  "I'm Just a Country Boy" is a theme song of sorts.  Thanks for singing for us Dad.  When I hear these songs  I feel like I'm coming home to a safe place that you and Mom made just for us.

PS He actually did get the girl in the end.