The college freshman's mother's survival guide

Children leaving home is a surprisingly colossal event and I want to share some thoughts with other moms who are crossing this portal.

Silly couch picture on the last night home.

1.  This is going to hurt more than you think.  In the summer months, between high school graduation and leaving for college, your child may or may not say, "I can't wait until I'm at college.  I shouldn't have a curfew, or need to tell you where I am, or get a parent's permission, etc because I'm an adult."  You may think to yourself, "I can't wait until you're at college either."  And then a funny thing happens.  They open up their empty suitcase to pack, and a million sweet and tender memories start flowing.  You remember when they used to put their chubby little hand in yours, when they always squeezed you tight around your neck, when they cried when you left them, and when they recited the Mother's Day poem they wrote just for you in their 1st grade class.  You hold back the tears because this is an exciting, happy time, but they don't go away, they stay right on the verge of spilling for a long time.

2.  Make the split quick.   I've tried accompanying them to their new school and place and also just dropping them off at the airport, and I think the airport route is the best.  An emotional mom just doesn't make for good company.  She's controlling, over protective and her fears communicate to the child that potential failure is around the corner.  I think the "You got this" approach instills much less apprehension and much more confidence. Besides, a trusted liaison who doesn't have quite the emotional investment is a much better escort to Wal-Mart.  Your college freshman has heard, "Don't forget to eat vegetables, buy foods that nourish, make your money last," enough.  It's game time. "Let's see if Mom knew what she was talking about.  I'll try to live off Lucky Charms for 2 weeks and see how I feel."  Believe me.  You don't want to watch.

3.  Your child's future is as bright as their faith.  Their choices determine their destiny, not your choices for them.  This is where is gets hard.  I know you know what will make them happiest.  Believe me, I know. But consequence is a brilliant teacher.  It's true that we aren't perfect parents, and I like to spend a lot of time thinking about things I would have done differently.  I wish I would have been more patient, more fun, more loving, less...human.  But I never gave up and even though I get tired, there has been nothing more important in my life than my family.  So, my children know and have what they need to make good choices and upon these choices rest the rewards of heaven, so what I'm trying to say and what I tell myself about 3 times a day is let go and let them live.  They'll call when they need you.

4.  Grieve and then live it up.  The first day after Andrew left I couldn't even go into his room.  It was too empty.  The next day I went in and sat and smiled as I remembered his smell, his energy, his books on the floor, his over flowing garbage and half empty water bottles in the corner.   All that was left now was a couple of Rubik's cubes and a half eaten bag of pretzels.  Pretzels..."Remember when you said I'd get tired of pretzels, Mom?  You were wrong.  I never did."  I had a little pang when I saw that pretzels were on sale at Publix, but no one was around to eat them.  And then one night when I was getting ready to go to bed and my immediate thought was, "Where are all my children?  I'd better text Andrew to see where he is."  I realized, I didn't need to know.  The children who live at my house were both  home in bed.  I had the best night sleep I've had in about 3 years.

Before

After

Would you please mail the things on the top bunk
before winter?

5.  This is going to be great.  Do you know what's fun?  Seeing your children rise to the occasion, do hard things, get back up after they fall down, become a cause for good, love learning, make weaknesses strengths, learn to love.  This is what happens when they go off to seek their  fortunes (get an education.)  So when they call you to tell you they're failing chemistry, don't panic.  They're just  learning how to study. When they run out of money, they're improving their budgeting skills. When their heart gets broken, they're developing compassion.  When they don't call home,  call the police.  Just kidding, they'll call home, because they love you.  And remember, the best is yet to come.

"Which shoes should I take"  "Which do you wear the most?"
"I don't wear either of them."