Happy Birthday Melinda

Melinda Ann was the third sister born into the Miller family, a beautiful name for a beautiful baby.  She had big brown eyes and lovely brown hair.  I liked carrying her around because everyone raved about how pretty she was.

She was a person that knew what she wanted and had what it took to get her there.  She can dance, sing, play musical instruments, sew, decorate, clean...the list goes on. 

Sometimes we would go to sleep to a house looking a bit disheveled, ( like 7 kids lived there) and when we woke up in the morning it was completely clean.  Melinda had taken advantage of the quiet hours in the night to put things back together just like she liked it.  

Melinda, Carrie and Megan in the Christmas program

She sang with Susie and Mary in their Andrews sisters numbers in the talent show at school.  More importantly she was a key performer in the talent shows at home.

 When she came to BYU as a college freshman she impressed me with her courage and spunk when she tried out for the BYU cougarettes.  That was something that I secretly wanted to do, but talked myself out of  because I was afraid. 

Melinda and my baby, Brandon

She has successfully completed many beautiful sewing projects, and when she met Dan Christensen (the man of her dreams) she made her own beautiful wedding dress.  I believe she made her daughter's also.  She has passed this skill on to her talented girls.

Beautiful Bride

In Melinda's home they love God and old musicals and vintage clothes (designed and thrifted) and gardens and laughter and each other.  She and Dan have raised 8 fantastic children.  Although she has had health challenges throughout her adult life, she has persevered with love and faith and dedication to goodness.  Melinda, you are strong and beautiful.  I love you.

All the awesome Christensens at Tyler's homecoming

The college freshman's mother's survival guide

Children leaving home is a surprisingly colossal event and I want to share some thoughts with other moms who are crossing this portal.

Silly couch picture on the last night home.

1.  This is going to hurt more than you think.  In the summer months, between high school graduation and leaving for college, your child may or may not say, "I can't wait until I'm at college.  I shouldn't have a curfew, or need to tell you where I am, or get a parent's permission, etc because I'm an adult."  You may think to yourself, "I can't wait until you're at college either."  And then a funny thing happens.  They open up their empty suitcase to pack, and a million sweet and tender memories start flowing.  You remember when they used to put their chubby little hand in yours, when they always squeezed you tight around your neck, when they cried when you left them, and when they recited the Mother's Day poem they wrote just for you in their 1st grade class.  You hold back the tears because this is an exciting, happy time, but they don't go away, they stay right on the verge of spilling for a long time.

2.  Make the split quick.   I've tried accompanying them to their new school and place and also just dropping them off at the airport, and I think the airport route is the best.  An emotional mom just doesn't make for good company.  She's controlling, over protective and her fears communicate to the child that potential failure is around the corner.  I think the "You got this" approach instills much less apprehension and much more confidence. Besides, a trusted liaison who doesn't have quite the emotional investment is a much better escort to Wal-Mart.  Your college freshman has heard, "Don't forget to eat vegetables, buy foods that nourish, make your money last," enough.  It's game time. "Let's see if Mom knew what she was talking about.  I'll try to live off Lucky Charms for 2 weeks and see how I feel."  Believe me.  You don't want to watch.

3.  Your child's future is as bright as their faith.  Their choices determine their destiny, not your choices for them.  This is where is gets hard.  I know you know what will make them happiest.  Believe me, I know. But consequence is a brilliant teacher.  It's true that we aren't perfect parents, and I like to spend a lot of time thinking about things I would have done differently.  I wish I would have been more patient, more fun, more loving, less...human.  But I never gave up and even though I get tired, there has been nothing more important in my life than my family.  So, my children know and have what they need to make good choices and upon these choices rest the rewards of heaven, so what I'm trying to say and what I tell myself about 3 times a day is let go and let them live.  They'll call when they need you.

4.  Grieve and then live it up.  The first day after Andrew left I couldn't even go into his room.  It was too empty.  The next day I went in and sat and smiled as I remembered his smell, his energy, his books on the floor, his over flowing garbage and half empty water bottles in the corner.   All that was left now was a couple of Rubik's cubes and a half eaten bag of pretzels.  Pretzels..."Remember when you said I'd get tired of pretzels, Mom?  You were wrong.  I never did."  I had a little pang when I saw that pretzels were on sale at Publix, but no one was around to eat them.  And then one night when I was getting ready to go to bed and my immediate thought was, "Where are all my children?  I'd better text Andrew to see where he is."  I realized, I didn't need to know.  The children who live at my house were both  home in bed.  I had the best night sleep I've had in about 3 years.

Before

After

Would you please mail the things on the top bunk
before winter?

5.  This is going to be great.  Do you know what's fun?  Seeing your children rise to the occasion, do hard things, get back up after they fall down, become a cause for good, love learning, make weaknesses strengths, learn to love.  This is what happens when they go off to seek their  fortunes (get an education.)  So when they call you to tell you they're failing chemistry, don't panic.  They're just  learning how to study. When they run out of money, they're improving their budgeting skills. When their heart gets broken, they're developing compassion.  When they don't call home,  call the police.  Just kidding, they'll call home, because they love you.  And remember, the best is yet to come.

"Which shoes should I take"  "Which do you wear the most?"
"I don't wear either of them."

Sleep is overrated.

Is it bedtime yet?  Well, it depends on who's asking: tired mom? of course: crying baby? tantruming toddler? exhausted young child? never! When I was in first grade we were herded into the gym every day after lunch where we would lie on our nap mats (towels) for approximately 100 hours (or maybe 30 minutes) for nap time.  Were they serious?  We were supposed to sleep on a wood floor in close proximity to 60 other wiggly and very awake 5 year-olds?  Ridiculous.  Never one to be idle (that's actually a lie) I used this time to practice crossing my eyes.  My mom said they might stick if I crossed them.  Well, I had to know for sure, but first I needed to learn how.  I became very adept at my eye crossing skills, even using them to enhance my conversation, so I'm not saying the time was wasted, but I didn't sleep a wink...and my eyes didn't stay that way...yet.

I realize now that the adults in charge were not punishing us, they were trying to give us one of the most precious of gifts...sleep.  In visiting families with children and having raised  my own I am realizing that we are failing in our marketing of this rare commodity to our society's young.  We know what sleep deprivation feels like with the hunger for something, is it food? no that's not it, it's something deeper.  We recognize that when  "Life is just too hard," "I don't like anyone," "I can't be happy," "I have a little sore throat," and "Why can't I remember anything?" that a little nap or good nice sleep could make all the difference.  We love our children and want them to be happy and brave and civil and sane and so we attempt to give them this gift, but do they want it?  You all know the answer to that.  We should just turn on the old video camera every night at bedtime and post on Facebook the next day so everyone would know that their children aren't the only ones coming out 4 and 5 and 6 times a night with requests for water, food, kisses, hugs, lights on, lights off, doors open, doors shut,  Dolly and Bear's water, food, kisses, hugs, lights on, lights off, doors open, doors shut.  They appeal to our compassion with "I'm hot, I'm scared, my mosquito bites itch, my blankets are crooked, my brother/sister is kicking, jumping, poking, hurting, breathing."

There must be a way for them to know the great opportunity at hand when we offer them a beautiful mid-day nap or a cozy nightly tuck-in to their soft bed with nice sheets and a pillow.  They can just close their little eyes and rest.  Maybe we could point out the teenagers in the world who gladly sleep anywhere anytime, okay not at night, but all the other times. What about the poor children in Africa who would give anything for an early bed time? I always thought that the fact that my children's nighttime requests were always met with a not very nice mommy response would deter them. Au contraire. I believe they thought it was funny.  "It's boring in our beds.  Lets watch Mom get crazy when we come out."

I just read a study about the importance of a consistent bedtime for children, and we all know that young children need 10 hours and babies 15 hours of sleep per day.  So we will continue in our efforts to get children sleeping, but if you're wondering if you're the only house with bedtime stall rituals know that you're in good company.

I used to call bedtime "the witching hour" because that's how I felt, but I married a compassionate guy.  The kids figured out that one thought Dad couldn't bear was a child going to bed with an empty tummy.  "I'm still hungry" was met with success as their Dad invited them into the kitchen for a piece of toast.  I was a little more hard core.  One child's consistent requests were ignored until I finally went in to his room to check on his health after being disregarded for a considerable period of time.  He had thrown his blankets on the floor.  When I asked what happened he said, "Well you're the one who wouldn't help me."  Another little boy used to sit at the top of the stairs and watch our movies in the reflection on the window.  Little Nathan would stroll in and snuggle up to his Dad and ask what show he was watching.  I call this the "Disguise yourself as a peer" strategy.  As I reflect on the challenge of obtaining the thing I longed for most, sleeping children, I realized I didn't figure it out as much as my children just grew up.  Basically, you don't know what you've got til it's gone.  All of my adult children finally know, sleep is one of life's greatest gifts.

And a little child shall lead them.

After a great two days at Brandon and Mallory's, I returned to the Liston's to spend one more day in Washougal.  Megan and I had designed to wake up early on Monday morning for a girls' hike to the neighborhood waterfall.  Y'all have one of those, right?  That sweet little plan was made before we knew Travis had to go to a meeting in Portland early instead of working from home that day.  It was new plan hatching time.  We decided to bring the kids, and if we were going to be in the car, why not go big and drive the 45 minutes to Multnomah Falls-the serious, I'm not messin' around, don't leave Oregon without seeing me, falls.  We found everyone's shoes, bribed the kids and loaded the car.  Megan sold the excursion idea as we drove,"We'll get ice cream sandwiches and only hike to the bridge."  Fine by me.  I felt lucky to get a glimpse.

After some amazing parking place finding and child herding, Megan had us on our way.  There we were, on the bridge, looking up at one amazing sight.

Add caption

And then we just started meandering up the trail.  We stopped for a photo shoot

Susie, Miller, Ivy, Tommy, and me.

and reached a very informative sign that meant we had a decision to make.  There were 11 switchbacks on the trail to the top.  We had 5 kids under the age of 11 including a 3 month old baby.  Why would we keep walking?  Why indeed?  Megan asked if we wanted to turn back or keep going.  No one spoke up.  I didn't want to be the one to get in the way of greatness.  Ivy, the strong little 6 year old  said, "Let's keep going."   We deferred to her.  Every couple of switchbacks we checked. "What do you think, Ivy?"  "Keep going."  Megan started out carrying only the baby, Eliza Jane.  Soon she was carrying 2 1/2 year old Miller too.  I tried to help with Miller--nuthin' doin'.  I took the baby with the carrier.  It was a cinch, except now the stakes were high and I could not trip, could not stumble, could not falter.  Up, up Ivy went until that little pint sized cutie led us to the tip top of the falls.

We did it!

I hardly dared to put my camera over the railing to get the shot.
It was a long, long way down.

And I was proud--proud of the kids, proud of myself, and definitely proud of Megan.  I was even more proud of Megan when she ended up carrying Ivy on the way down and Miller too until she offered him a lot of fruit snacks if he could be strong and brave and walk with his big sister, Susie.

Definitely cooler now that we've been to the top.

Good job, team, and thanks Ivy, for helping us do something harder, but better.

I hope they call me on a mission

On Saturday, July 27, I got in the car with Brandon, Mallory and my 3 Oregon grandchildren and we headed to the westest west...the Oregon Coast.  My parents were called on a 6 month mission to Lincoln City, OR.  I really wanted to see them as missionaries, so I was thrilled with this opportunity.  As luck would have it, Saturday was my parent's local Pioneer Day celebration. (We can't celebrate pioneers too much.)  That meant we would go to the celebration location before my parents'  place.  That was fine except it was held at a little farm off the Salmon River Hwy.  They had an address, but you know how GPS is when the address is off some highway somewhere.  It's never pretty.  We should not have been surprised when after 2 hrs. (The predicted total driving time) we were in some small town on a small road with small children in the car and actually some small unknown children on the sidewalk wondering who the confused strangers were in the mini-van.  But this is 2013 so with a couple of calls on the cell phone and some "recalculating" we were on our way to the right place.  It was noted that our city of lostness was Dallas.

My Dad had instructed us to call him when we were almost there, "After you come down out of the crest and you're about 10 miles from our house, (which we had never been to) call me and I'll go out to the road so you can see where to turn."  This did not sound like a promising plan, but we went with it.  When we were 15 minutes from our ETA, according to my parent's home address, we made the call.  A couple of minutes later we must have come down out of the crest because there sat my dad on a chair on the side of the highway.  Can I tell you that that was a beautiful sight to see?  I swallowed the joyful lump in my throat as I hugged my handsome dad who had loved me all my life and would sit on the road to lead me to the right place.  My wonderful mom was not too far away. I felt giddy to be in Oregon with all those dear loved ones.

Of course we had a conversation about where we had been as opposed to where we were supposed to be.  When I mentioned the town of Dallas, my dad revealed that his father had been the Branch President of our church in that little city in 1941.  I'd never been so happy to have been lost.  I had chills and a bursting heart at the thought of the fortuitous mistake.

We started our festivities with pioneer pictures.  I don't think real pioneers wore aprons over capris, but they should have.  My mom introduced us to her  friends. She loves a lot of people so we met a lot of people. The elders (young male misssionaries) who serve with my parents were especially happy to meet Brandon who works at Nike and gave them a "friends and family" coupon.  The children were feeling pretty  disappointed that their day of adventure was looking a lot like a day of driving and strangers, but things started looking up when they discovered the swing by the river.  My day, which I thought couldn't get any better, went over the top when I discovered a zip line over the river.  Heck yes I rode it.

We ate lunch. (Thanks mom, for bringing potato salad as our family contribution.)  Then we had a pioneer program.  One of the elders played the fiddle, (always a treat) the children walked in a short parade around the picnic tables, some women told some stories and then this sweet little girl read and recited a story from a church magazine.  This was especially meaningful when Mom shared that this was the little girl she had been tutoring in reading for the past few months.  I wouldn't have missed that moment for the world.

  Of course, when it was time to leave the party, the children who didn't want to be there, didn't want to go.  But that's life in the fast lane.  We got them into the car and headed to our next stop.  I was excited to see my parents' mission apartment.  When I walked in I realized I could have spotted it a mile away.

There were Mom's pink roses and candles and pretty things with a bit of a missionary twist...2 shelves of Book of Mormons ready to share. She had a patchwork pink and white tablecloth on the table, and it felt just like home.

 Every morning, before they start their mission responsibilities, Mom and Dad exercise by walking on the beach looking for agates.

They wear their missionariy tags and love to talk to people about Jesus Christ and the restored gospel  and sometimes just shoot the beach breeze. Today they had their family with them, but they also had the chance to visit with some fellow beach walkers.  They walk the sand and surf in rubber boots.  I used the extra pair.  The water was seriously cold.  This is the Oregon coast weather I remember.  I used to wonder how much they paid all those Californians to sit on the beach in nothing but swim suits in the movies.  The temperature and strong surf were going to be a problem for the babies, but there was a pool of fresh water that was significantly warmer than the ocean, so they swam happily albeit in their sweatshirts.

I want to talk a little bit about this agate collecting.  Apparently all the locals have glass containers with agates they have collected and polished displayed in their homes.  My dad's friend polishes rocks for the cost of grit.  My mom has a handy little picker upper that she bought.  Dad uses a branch that he took from a tree from his childhood home of Harlan, OR.  He has taped a little sieve at the end so as to facilitate the collecting without the crouching.  They have developed an eye for agates and jasper and have hundreds.  Each person that comes to visit can use the little light that makes the agates glow and choose one beautifully polished rock.  I have to confess that I asked for 2 because I couldn't decide.  I feel guilty for being greedy.  There, now I feel a little better, well, not much.

After some lovely time on the beach we headed back to the apartment.  There were some heroics involved in this short walk because the children were shivering and tired and all needed to ride in the stroller, up hill, in the sand.  Yay Brandon. 

 Then we all gathered in for some very nice food, visiting, and pretending.  Well, we all ate.  The adults visited, and the children pretended.  Mallory has a fantastic imagination and has taught her children well.

We felt like honored guests when we were served the sparkling blackberry cider.

 It was a happy, happy day.

Big Trip to Portland

You know how it is.  Summer trips over, family gone, and the school start date blazing towards you at the speed of light.  Sometimes a girl has to go into denial about her decidedly disciplined and responsible days ahead, and go on a trip...to Portland...OR.  It wasn't just a random choice nor did I target the town because it is cool and beautiful.  I have 1 sister and brother-in-law, 5 nieces and nephews, 1 son and daughter in-law, 3 grandchildren and my parents living there.  It was practically a service trip.  Not buying that?  Understandable.  How about the fact that I spent my first 5 years of life in Portland and next 5 years in Corvallis?  I was going back to my roots, kind of a personal history excursion.  Either way, you can see how benevolent  and selfless I am.  Actually my husband and children at home are the benevolent and selfless ones  They sent me on my merrily flying way with an "I love you., have fun, see you next week."  My life is awesome.

So, I got to the airport and having been newly trained in proper customer behavior by my Delta employed son, I read all the signs and bit my tongue for almost all of my impulsive and uninformed questions.  I did ask one hardly busy at all gate agent if my name was on the standby list.  I had looked at the sign and it wasn't there but other people's names were and what if the online check in didn't work like that time I thought I had ordered a book but it never came or I was at the wrong gate or they had no intention of letting me on an airplane ever...She assured me that I was listed and maybe since it was more than an hour before the flight I wasn't showing up on the screen yet.  I politely thanked her but didn't bother informing her when I realized I had been looking on the upgrade list and not the standby list and there I was...STOKL...big as anything.  Sorry, miss.  I'll do better next time.

It was a breezy 4 hour trip that I prepared for by bringing my 25 Book of Mormon scripture cards to memorize for seminary next year.  I also brought my church magazines.  I was fairly serious about using my time wisely.  I read my magazines, they were awesome.  Then I worked on scripture memorization.  After a few hours I had almost memorized 5scriptures, and then my brain began to sizzle.  I was definitely feeling inspired, but I was slightly coveting my neighbor's USA Today and severely coveting my other neighbor's wifi.  With depleted brain power  I stared into space and watched the "My trip" screen until we were asked to please put our tray tables back and prepare for landing.  Soon enough I was walking through PDX along with some very natural looking citizens many of whom were wearing Nike products.  Then I went outside and was met by these beautiful people:

My sister, Megan, has 5 fun babies, with the littlest only 3 months old.  One of my favorite sights in the world is fat babies with skinny moms and that's what I saw.  Little Eliza Jane has the most amazing cheeks, and my sister, Megan, looks like she's training for a marathon, which in fact she is, and in fact, I'm not, so go Megan whoo hoo!  It was a special Pacific Northwest moment when we sat out in their backyard in the cool, mosquitoless, chigger free grass eating huge blackberries, raspberries and blueberries from their garden.  Terrific work, Travis.  The kids showed me their stuff, possessions and talents, and Megan spoiled me rotten by taking me out on the town.  Heaven?  I think so.

One video I don't have is the duet of Susie and me on the piano.  We are awesome, right Susie?

On day 2 the Listons (sans Travis) and I met the Brandon Stokers (sans Brandon) at the Portland zoo.  This was really important, because this is the zoo I went to when I was a little girl.  Not surprisingly, it didn't seem familiar at all, and then we got to the elephants.  I looked at them and realized that other than it being a lot more shady (trees can grow a lot in almost 50 years) it seemed like the same view I had experienced as a 4 year old.  Anyway, it was super fun to be with my family, such adorable people.  It had been about 2 weeks since I had seen these grandchildren, but it was definitely time to see them again.  In fact, every 2 weeks might be the perfect interval for grandchildren visits.

Isaac, Josh, Annabelle, Susie, Ivy

Ivy, Annabelle, Susie, Eliza Jane, Miller

Josh, Ivy, Susie, Annabelle

Well, we were in Oregon, and in Oregon you use natural
products.  Turns out natural sunscreen doesn't rub in very well.
At least everyone knows our baby is protected from UV  light.

Susie, Annabelle, Ivy

Ivy, Susie, Annabelle

Isaac and Mallory

Josh

And then, since both families had zoo passes, we quit while we were ahead (before all the babies started crying) and headed out in the nick of time.  Then the babies cried and then they fell asleep. A lovely day.